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wasnt expecting this...PIOG

Posted by on Jun. 27, 2010 at 8:45 AM
  • 10 Replies

so my SO and i got into it last night. and just to clarify i am on my perioud and it makes me extremly sentivtive and irratable with certain things...

well we were having a conversation about bfing. and the fact i do it in public. and no i dont use a cover because its uncomforatable with my son and i and just because i dont use a cover doesnt mean i am not extremely careful to only pull it out a bit , enough for kaevyan to latch on.

he got upset becasue while he wants me to breastfeed, he doesnt want me to at a crowded resturaunt and he knows how i feel about going to the car or bathroom, that is just unacceptable. breastfeeding is never something to hide. yet he doesnt have another thing he would rather me do. like no dear not here in this crowded room, where do i go then???   oh idk???.

and then we had gone to see grown ups and of course there is a part where the mom is still bfing her 4 yr old and he joked oh that was definatly me in a couple yrs. and while it was haha funny. when i had asked if he would be upset with that (me bfing til 4) he got all upset and said seriously??? of course and he said he would be upset because at that point i would just be spoiling him. and i said even if it was 1 time at nighttime? and he was like yea. i cant believe your serious...

i am really fuming. i mean i dont know when imma stop. because im for child-led weaning. he was saying stuff like its called decency. and oh, its called parenting, if you dont force them to be independent your not parenting right? wtf??? then he tried to justify it by saying, oh if your kid drawd on the wall would you just wait for him to stop??? then he continues with , i completely agree with bfing...just not im crowded public places because "he doesnt want other guys seeing my breast"

ahh sorry im just venting. grrr

Im a 17 Yr. old,Attachment Parenting,extended breastfeeding,almost completely exclusively breastfeeding,disposable diapering,circumcising,non-CIO,selective vaxing,co-bathing,co-sleeping,child-led weaning,dont care what you think of me,TLC watching,blogging,junk food eating,say what i mean even if its not what you wanna hear,christain,walmart & dept store shopping,child spoiling,opinionated,have a high need baby,SAH/WAH mommy to one gorgeous little boy,with a unique name (Xa'Kaevyan Kohl).

by on Jun. 27, 2010 at 8:45 AM
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Replies (1-10):
Karen01060
by on Jun. 27, 2010 at 9:04 AM

I never use a cover breastfeeding.  I find it awkward and my babies don't like having their heads covered -- maybe if they got used to it they would, I don't know. Anyway I think you are right for whatever it's worth. 

ArmyMom2oneboy
by on Jun. 27, 2010 at 9:09 AM

I have found that what works best in my household is nodding and smiling, and doing what i feel is right anyways. My husband was very against me nursing in public and even more against extended nursing. He has since learned that it doesn't matter what he thinks or says in the situation, I am going to do what is best for our child. I am, after all, the one with the breasts. My body, my decision. 

livewell
by on Jun. 27, 2010 at 9:22 AM

Ohhh I would have soooo fumed period or no!!

I'm very sorry you are going through this. I never cover up, and remember being stuffed under a blanket as a baby and passing out from lack of oxygen. NO WAY will I do that to my babies. I also remember forced weening and I HATED my father for YEARS (he was the one who said "you have to stick with it" to my mother when I had almost convinced her that nothing else would DO and my legs started aching so much as they tried to grow without the perfect mix that mamamilk is...) and you know what, HE noticed my reaction, and puzzled over it until a few years ago when I told him about it, and he was so very sorry.

cmiller83
by on Jun. 27, 2010 at 9:37 AM
I am the odd one in this group on this topic but all I will say is that your husband DOES have a say in what you do with your body and you should at least consider his feelings.

Your children are also his so he does have a say in how they are raised...including breastfeeding. Try to educate him and express how YOU feel about it. No need to get defensive about your husbands way if thinking...you 2 just need to talk it out
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Amy614
by on Jun. 27, 2010 at 9:53 AM

Well, my DH doesn't seem to have a problem with my Bf in public, covered or not... I don't use a cover, because DD doesn't like it.  Never did.  I will tuck a blanket over myself, if I feel like it, but not over her.

He does have a problem with long term BFing (LTBF) tho... He wasn't exactly forceful about weaning DS, but he really undermined continuing around 18 months.  I would want to offer DS the choice between BF and a cup of whole milk, and if I wasn't ready for work and out in the living room/kitchen right away, he would give DS a cup before I could ask/offer BF.  Kinda made me mad, because I think DS would have BF longer if he wasn't encouraged to just take a cup.

Maybe you could find some sources that show the benefits of LTBF... kellymom.com has some great articles from the American Academy of Pediatrics, WHO, and LLL, International.  Maybe they would help convince him to listen to you when you are pointing out the benefits of BF for your LO.  BFing is not about spoiling a child, it's about providing optimal nutrition.  and if he's uncomfortable with you BFing in public, instead of hassling you about it, why doesn't he help you be more discrete?  He could sit between you and the crowd, hold a blanket while you get DS latched on, etc... These suggestions are in no way to make you more comfortable, but might make him more comfortable with NIP.  (I noticed that you mentioned his concern for others seeing your breast...  This could give him something to do that could help that concern, maybe...)

ArmyMom2oneboy
by on Jun. 27, 2010 at 12:58 PM

I am sorry, but I have to TOTALLY disagree. NO ONE has any say in what I do with MY body, and that includes my husband. I just do not understand that. As a strong independent woman, I feel I have complete control over MY body and the choices I make regarding it.

Quoting cmiller83:

I am the odd one in this group on this topic but all I will say is that your husband DOES have a say in what you do with your body and you should at least consider his feelings.

Your children are also his so he does have a say in how they are raised...including breastfeeding. Try to educate him and express how YOU feel about it. No need to get defensive about your husbands way if thinking...you 2 just need to talk it out


I am Andi. I am a 22 year old extended breastfeeding, babywearing, cloth diapering  momma of two, with number three on the way!  I am a WIC Breastfeeding Peer Counselor, working on becoming an IBCLC. Ask me about my Momma-Made cloth diapers, CD'ing accessories, ring slings and wraps!

Gruntlings
by on Jun. 27, 2010 at 3:02 PM

I think it depends on your relationship. With my (soon to be) ex husband, he had NO say in what I did with my body, because he was abusive with "his say". Let's put it this way- we were at my OBGyn and he asked about the "Patch" because he heard that being on it would increase my sexual desire. (Not willing to believe that letting me GET SLEEP would help increase my desire..) My OBGyn said that she does not prescribe it because of the risk of blood clots, which she believed to be higher than the risks of blood clots associated with the pill. I said "Okay, that takes it off the table" because at the time I had limited mobility due to a herniated disc in my back- and less mobility = higher risk of clots to begin with. 

He was FURIOUS that I made an arbitrary decision with regard to MY body and MY health and MY life. 

He had no say because he abused his say. 

With my current boyfriend, however, he respects that my body is mine. This makes me MUCH more likely to listen to his opinions regarding decisions related to my healthcare or my body. Of course, that's because he ultimately respects the fact that my body is mine and my decisions are mine. Which ironically gets him a LOT more say in things. 

He's perfectly comfortable with my nursing in public, but if he were not comfortable, I would probably try to work through things with him and reach a consensus rather than just saying "My body, bug off." 

So I can sort of understand both sides of this particular debate about "does he have a say"? 

That said, if someone has NO alternatives to offer, and doesn't accept any possible solutions that YOU might be comfortable with... ahhh.. I say keep on doing what you're doing. 

eema.gray
by on Jun. 27, 2010 at 4:41 PM

I know you're just venting and I hope now that you've gotten through part of your day, things are looking a little better.  :-)

I don't know if this will help, but I wanted to share a little about me and my husband, in hopes of helping y'all out a little bit.

My husband is "old."  He's very nearly two decades older than I am.  He will turn 50 in about a month, just after I turn 32.  Although it's kind of weird because his parents aren't very much older than my parents.  His just started on the baby making a lot earlier than mine did.  Besides the age difference, we come from wildly different backgrounds.  My parents are from the hippie generation.  While they don't look, talk, or act like hippies, they do think that way and they were AP parents before there was such a word.  My husband's parents are military brats.  My husband is a military brat.  My husband was in the Army for 28 years.  He embodies the unique conservative mindset that IS the military at its best and worst.  We are two very different sorts of people yet we are friends, lovers, spouses, and parents.  We make it work.

Needless to say, we have radically different approaches to parenting.  My husband believes in a much more physical type of discipline than I do.  He's "old school" in so many of his ideas and beliefs, it's not even funny.  Yet we're closer now than we were when I got pregnant the first time over three years ago and for the most part we agree on parenting decisions and always back each other up.  We've learned to talk about things.  We've learned to put our ideas out on the table for out spouse and to discuss our thoughts and opinions.  We've learned to compromise on issues, even issues we feel strongly about.

So talk about stuff when you're not emotional.  When you are, write down a list of the things that are bugging you.  Then when you feel more clearheaded, you two can sit down over coffee in the evenings or something and talk about issues one at a time.

Some of what's changed for me and my husband is him seeing the results of my parenting.  We agreed that the first 12 months were mine.  If I wanted to co sleep, he would have to deal with it.  Fewer well baby visits that "normal," he has to deal with that too.  Same with nursing anytime, anywhere.  The first year of our baby's life is mine.  But all the while we're talking about stuff.  He's been able to see why I made those choices.  We have a bright and sunny two and a half year old who is both affectionate and independent.  While much of that is just his personality and would have come through eventually, I do believe that he's become sunny and independent earlier due to strong AP techniques.

eema.gray
by on Jun. 27, 2010 at 4:49 PM

I agree with cmiller.  My husband helped me make these babies.  He has just as much say in how they are raised as I do.  I decided to be in a relationship with him.  We decided together to have babies.  He needs to be part of ALL parenting decisions (though we agreed mutually that the first year of baby's life is mine to make decisions for :-).  But *I* didn't decide to take 12 months for myself.  We made that decision together.

Quoting ArmyMom2oneboy:

I am sorry, but I have to TOTALLY disagree. NO ONE has any say in what I do with MY body, and that includes my husband. I just do not understand that. As a strong independent woman, I feel I have complete control over MY body and the choices I make regarding it.

Quoting cmiller83:

I am the odd one in this group on this topic but all I will say is that your husband DOES have a say in what you do with your body and you should at least consider his feelings.

Your children are also his so he does have a say in how they are raised...including breastfeeding. Try to educate him and express how YOU feel about it. No need to get defensive about your husbands way if thinking...you 2 just need to talk it out



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http://www.cafemom.com/group/109790

gdiamante
by Gina on Jun. 28, 2010 at 12:22 AM

If I remember you correctly, you are the one who has a boyfreiend with a RAGING case of Y Chromosome Disorder who's already tried to hand down some disagreeable mandates.

I do believe that last time I told you he's not worth it. So far, my mind isn't changed.

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