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Might not be popular but it needs to be said AGAIN...

Posted by on Jul. 25, 2010 at 4:33 PM
  • 58 Replies

I am so grateful that I got to nurse my second child...I really enjoy it and even cried when I realized I wouldn't be able to nurse my first. It was a very hard pregnancy and I had to make a ton of difficult decisions.

I was diagnosed with crohns disease and was very sick at the end of 05... Not even 2 weeks after being released from the hospital I found out I was about 4-6 wks pregnant. I was very sick and it was everything I could do to keep my baby healthy...unfortunately that meant a crap load of medicine...it was either risk it or not make it all....

I turned to the one place I knew and trusted for the car of me and my DD, my drs of course. I questioned even a few of them about BF and they couldn't tell me much other then the fact that they didn't know much. I was trying to stay healthy and was worried sick about my baby too. I was too stressed to do much research and to be honest I wasnt even sure where to go. If anyone has good info it's the dr right??? They just didn't have any data on the tons of meds I was on...not to mention that who knows what happens when you start mixing 3 or 4 medications...

My DH and I decided that when our precious little baby was born she would be removed from the meds and stay that way...no breastfeeding. My neice and nephew were FF and they are healthy beautiful kids....no biggie even though it was upsetting....At least thats what I felt at the time and I still refuse to dwell on it and make myself feel bad.

I'm telling this story because I want some of the women in this group to understand that they have no clue what a mom has been through or what her life is like... Heck it could be something as simple as the fact that she's just doing what she knows..,,

Formula fed babies are happy babies too and NOT in need of your pity. Do what you feel is right for your child...offer information when you can but don't judge.

by on Jul. 25, 2010 at 4:33 PM
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Replies (1-10):
college.mom
by on Jul. 25, 2010 at 4:36 PM

I agree.  I could not nurse my first two children, and when I came on Cafe Mom in need of support for my second "failure" I was told how horrible I was and that my children were being poisoned by the formula, it pushed me into PPD because I truly believed them.  I wish more people supported each other instead of tearing them down.  

tabi_cat1023
by Group Admin -Tabitha on Jul. 25, 2010 at 4:43 PM

Yes FF babies are happy and can be very healthy kids, my older 2 kids are proof of that.  I do still feel bad for babies that never get any breastmilk.  I don't pity them exactly, but I think every child should be given breastmilk in some way, even a tiny bit.  It sucks when it can't happen, just sucks.  Sucks for mom too if she wanted to BF and couldn't.  MY heart aches for moms who want to BF and can't or for babies that never get any at all.  I don't pity them though.  They are not miserable(as int he babies), they just missed out on the things BM can provide formula can not is all.  Its like the same as feeling bad when a child misses out on having 2 parents...even if its becuase one of them died and its not just a parent being uninvolved.  IT happens and it sucks and sometimes its for the best, but having 2 parents is very different and a child misses out on some things when one is missing. 

tabi_cat1023
by Group Admin -Tabitha on Jul. 25, 2010 at 4:45 PM

This is AWFUl no one should ever ever say that, formula is not poison, it doesn't determine what kind of parent you are and formula does NOT mean certain death or illness. WTH is wrong with people.

Yeah I don't like formula itself, I wish it were better made and had less risks and side effects but it has its place and theres NO reason for a mom to get bashed for it.

Quoting college.mom:

I agree.  I could not nurse my first two children, and when I came on Cafe Mom in need of support for my second "failure" I was told how horrible I was and that my children were being poisoned by the formula, it pushed me into PPD because I truly believed them.  I wish more people supported each other instead of tearing them down.  


kyriesmommy13
by on Jul. 25, 2010 at 4:51 PM

SO YOU NEVER JUDGE OTHERS? BESIDES, HAVING OPINIONS AND FEELINGS ABOUT THINGS IN LIFE, DOESN'T ALWAYS MEAN A PERSON IS JUDGING ANOTHER. I CAN'T HELP IT IF I THINK FORMULA IS DISGUSTING. I CAN'T HELP BUT FEEL SAD FOR THE BABIES THAT DON'T GET BF. THOSE ARE MY FEELINGS AND I'M ENTITLED TO THEM. WHERE ELSE SHOULD I TALK ABOUT THEM? THIS IS A BREASTFEEDING FORUM - IT COVERS ALL ASPECTS OF BREEASTFEEDING. I'M SAYING THIS BECAUSE I WANT SOME OF THE WOMEN IN THIS GROUP TO UNDERSTAND THAT STATING FEELINGS IS NOT BASHING OR JUDGING OR PUTTING SOMEONE ELSE DOWN.

kyriesmommy13
by on Jul. 25, 2010 at 4:53 PM

 YES, THIS!

Quoting tabi_cat1023:

Yes FF babies are happy and can be very healthy kids, my older 2 kids are proof of that.  I do still feel bad for babies that never get any breastmilk.  I don't pity them exactly, but I think every child should be given breastmilk in some way, even a tiny bit.  It sucks when it can't happen, just sucks.  Sucks for mom too if she wanted to BF and couldn't.  MY heart aches for moms who want to BF and can't or for babies that never get any at all.  I don't pity them though.  They are not miserable(as int he babies), they just missed out on the things BM can provide formula can not is all.  Its like the same as feeling bad when a child misses out on having 2 parents...even if its becuase one of them died and its not just a parent being uninvolved.  IT happens and it sucks and sometimes its for the best, but having 2 parents is very different and a child misses out on some things when one is missing. 

 

cmiller83
by on Jul. 25, 2010 at 4:53 PM


Quoting tabi_cat1023:

Yes FF babies are happy and can be very healthy kids, my older 2 kids are proof of that.  I do still feel bad for babies that never get any breastmilk.  I don't pity them exactly, but I think every child should be given breastmilk in some way, even a tiny bit.  It sucks when it can't happen, just sucks.  Sucks for mom too if she wanted to BF and couldn't.  MY heart aches for moms who want to BF and can't or for babies that never get any at all.  I don't pity them though.  They are not miserable(as int he babies), they just missed out on the things BM can provide formula can not is all.  Its like the same as feeling bad when a child misses out on having 2 parents...even if its becuase one of them died and its not just a parent being uninvolved.  IT happens and it sucks and sometimes its for the best, but having 2 parents is very different and a child misses out on some things when one is missing. 

I can agree with that line of thinking...I think its sucks that there are tons of kids who don't get breastmilk but to a CERTAIN degree it needs to be shrugged off....

I would never pass up an opportunity if someone wants help or opinions on breastfeeding but if someone wants to formula feed it's their choice and I'm not gonna knock it or pity them.

mamalinzie
by on Jul. 25, 2010 at 5:00 PM

Like Tabi said, no matter the reason a child is not breastfed, I will always feel sad for them that they are not able to get breastmilk.  Its not about judging the mother. Its not about pitying the baby. Its not about anything but knowing that breastmilk is the biological norm and its simply unfortunate that they can't have it.

 

cmiller83
by on Jul. 25, 2010 at 5:03 PM


Quoting mamalinzie:

Like Tabi said, no matter the reason a child is not breastfed, I will always feel sad for them that they are not able to get breastmilk.  Its not about judging the mother. Its not about pitying the baby. Its not about anything but knowing that breastmilk is the biological norm and its simply unfortunate that they can't have it.

 


VERY VERY well said IMO....I agree it is unfortunate....like I said in my post, I wish I had the chance for my oldest to get breastmilk....I refuse to dwell on that fact though or live in the past. It is what it is.

tabi_cat1023
by Group Admin -Tabitha on Jul. 25, 2010 at 5:04 PM


Quoting cmiller83:


Quoting tabi_cat1023:

Yes FF babies are happy and can be very healthy kids, my older 2 kids are proof of that.  I do still feel bad for babies that never get any breastmilk.  I don't pity them exactly, but I think every child should be given breastmilk in some way, even a tiny bit.  It sucks when it can't happen, just sucks.  Sucks for mom too if she wanted to BF and couldn't.  MY heart aches for moms who want to BF and can't or for babies that never get any at all.  I don't pity them though.  They are not miserable(as int he babies), they just missed out on the things BM can provide formula can not is all.  Its like the same as feeling bad when a child misses out on having 2 parents...even if its becuase one of them died and its not just a parent being uninvolved.  IT happens and it sucks and sometimes its for the best, but having 2 parents is very different and a child misses out on some things when one is missing. 

I can agree with that line of thinking...I think its sucks that there are tons of kids who don't get breastmilk but to a CERTAIN degree it needs to be shrugged off....

I would never pass up an opportunity if someone wants help or opinions on breastfeeding but if someone wants to formula feed it's their choice and I'm not gonna knock it or pity them.

If a mom wants and chooses to FF, not forced to because of bad info or a medical situation but chooses to, then I don't feel any "pity" for them at all, its her choice.  I do feel sad for her baby a bit but not pity at all.  Formula does not DOOM them at all.  I also don't knock them or bash them at all, again it is their choice.

YES it needs to be shrugged off but sometimes people want to vent and if a post would hurt someone feelings or they don't want to read a vent then they shouldn't read it.  People will not always agree with each other s choices and sometimes want to talk to oether s about it, that is what the vents are about.  Bashing in those vents is not allowed but stating opinions is.


mommyofwilliam
by on Jul. 25, 2010 at 5:04 PM

 I understand that sometimes certain situtaions make it impossible to be able to bf. but what i can't stand or what i pity is that moms make the choice because they think its too hard or too taboo!  i wish there was more support out there for new moms so that they COULD have that choice and make an informed decision!

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