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DH doesn't agree....

Posted by on Aug. 7, 2010 at 4:58 PM
  • 27 Replies

I'm working right now to get my dd to EBF, and it's going great so far although I haven't had her weighed yet.

anyway my DH doesn't want me to EBF because he wants me to be able to lay her down with a bottle so I can get whatever I need to get done, done. he does do his part, but he wants me to help to. and right now dd is like always on boob [it seems]...I have no problems helping him but I feel that I really need to cut out the bottles....also he does NOT want me BFing till she's 2 [or older] he doesn't mind me doing it for a year, but 2 is a no no for him...but I've read a LOT and I really want to BF till she's at least 2.

what can I tell him? any suggestions on how I can approach this???


EDIT: I just wanted to say, that I am a VERY determined person, I would LOVE to have more support from my DH because it would make it a LOT easier, but I won't stop doing what I'm doing just because....because I know that this is the right thing to do...but it would be nice to be able to get more support from him.

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by on Aug. 7, 2010 at 4:58 PM
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Replies (1-10):
KyleeTrogolo
by on Aug. 7, 2010 at 5:12 PM

first off you can tell him that she needs the bonding connection vs. being sat down alone with a bottle. tell him about the dental issues many babies have from having formula just sit in their mouths when they fall asleep. the added expense of formula might help him understand as well, add up the cost of formula per month, plus bottles.

my DH is not supportive but he totally lets me make the choices with feeding our son. i think he just knows better by now lol if your man is one to read, find him several sites with useful info... maybe email them to him so he can read it when he feels like vs. being bombared with it like i do to my Dh =)  kellymom.com. http://www.llli.org/NB/NBfathers.html  

i tried to find more of a dad's point of view on breastfeeding but i can't.. i know there is a dad blog about it somewhere... maybe he would understand more from another dad?

wait til she is closer to a year and pile up research on the benefits of breastfeeding beyond one year.. i'm doing that for my in laws since they are so grossed out by the idea of breastfeeding period much less a toddler. 

just ideas, hope you get him to understand and kudos for sticking to your guns no matter what!

WilliamsMama08
by on Aug. 7, 2010 at 5:13 PM

If dh was wanting me to do that, I would just continue to nurse and then help when I was done.  And not to start a fright with him or anything, but it's what I'm doing at the moment (nursing), and I would be more then willing to help when I was finished. 

Is she too big to nurse in a wrap?

trebelcleff
by on Aug. 7, 2010 at 5:16 PM

I can't help with his support, but do you use any kind of wrap or sling?  I hear the Maya wraps are great for nursing (I have one, but didn't get it until recently and mine is too large to use it in that position).  You can nurse hands free while you get stuff done from what I've heard.  Also, it's ok to let housework get behind, especially if he can help out some.  My DH currently works an 80+ hour per week job, so he's never home, and all I can manage is three loads of dishes and four loads of laundry per week.  I occasionally get to the vacuuming, but it's usually just the playroom and the boys' room at best.  I usually only get things done in the beginning of the evening when the baby goes down for a couple of hours.  It gets easier, I promise!  

Allikats-momma
by on Aug. 7, 2010 at 5:17 PM

I have a sling for her, I think she's too long for it though. and the material is heavy. I really want to get one that's lighter.

but yeah I don't start a fight with him, I just say I'll be done in a bit can I help then? sometimes he'll say okay, but lately he's been less tolerant.

Quoting WilliamsMama08:

If dh was wanting me to do that, I would just continue to nurse and then help when I was done.  And not to start a fright with him or anything, but it's what I'm doing at the moment (nursing), and I would be more then willing to help when I was finished. 

Is she too big to nurse in a wrap?


WilliamsMama08
by on Aug. 7, 2010 at 5:20 PM

I would change this to "I'll be done in a bit and then I will help" Make it a statement not a question, but still being nice :). 

I made my wraps... just made one out of cotton gauze and it's much lighter and breathable, yet still sturdy.

Quoting Allikats-momma:

I have a sling for her, I think she's too long for it though. and the material is heavy. I really want to get one that's lighter.

but yeah I don't start a fight with him, I just say I'll be done in a bit can I help then? sometimes he'll say okay, but lately he's been less tolerant.

Quoting WilliamsMama08:

If dh was wanting me to do that, I would just continue to nurse and then help when I was done.  And not to start a fright with him or anything, but it's what I'm doing at the moment (nursing), and I would be more then willing to help when I was finished. 

Is she too big to nurse in a wrap?



tabi_cat1023
by Group Admin -Tabitha on Aug. 7, 2010 at 5:23 PM

Show hubby you CAN help and nurse too, get a sling or wrap and nurse baby while doing what you can do.  Besides that, show hubby exactly what is in formula..I have links about formula on my profile if you need them, show him why BM is better and why formula for convenience is not a good thing.  If its medically needed fine but to gvie a bottle....especially PROPPED..seriously how lazy of a parent does he want you to be.  I child needs to be held for ALL feedings whether BF or FF.

As far as BFing til shes 2 its NOT the same as with a young one, they nurse maybe a few times a day normally before and after bedding down..so on wake up, before bed, before naps, afer naps etc.  Its not like they nurse all the time like a baby baby does.

Look up the benefits of BFing past age 1 on kellymom and sit down and have a GOOD conversation, listen to him and his sides and then explain yours.

tabi_cat1023
by Group Admin -Tabitha on Aug. 7, 2010 at 5:26 PM

too long?? Do you have a ring sling?  Or is it a sling like this





Quoting Allikats-momma:

I have a sling for her, I think she's too long for it though. and the material is heavy. I really want to get one that's lighter.

but yeah I don't start a fight with him, I just say I'll be done in a bit can I help then? sometimes he'll say okay, but lately he's been less tolerant.

Quoting WilliamsMama08:

If dh was wanting me to do that, I would just continue to nurse and then help when I was done.  And not to start a fright with him or anything, but it's what I'm doing at the moment (nursing), and I would be more then willing to help when I was finished. 

Is she too big to nurse in a wrap?



DawnPratt23
by on Aug. 7, 2010 at 6:33 PM
Bump, I was fortunate not to have this issue, and if he did feel that way he was great about saying anything. My nursing was challenging at first because at the time my little ones were 3yrs and 2 yes old along with the newborn. I tried different slings, hated the one that has a picture op, my babies head sinking into the material and slings like that one has been recalled. Under long debate I got the ergo, from amazon. I love that she doesn't feel like she is hanging from my neck. I wear it so often now.
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DawnPratt23
by on Aug. 7, 2010 at 6:39 PM
http://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/B001OOCFWW/ref=mp_s_a_8?qid=1281220611&sr=8-8
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Hendrix07
by on Aug. 7, 2010 at 6:39 PM
what about showing SIDS risk with formula feeding? most of all, dont let him guilt trip you into ffing! what you are doing by ebfing is more important than housework. it will get better and he can wait!!
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