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Breastfeeding Moms Breastfeeding Moms

i feel guilty

Posted by on Oct. 30, 2010 at 9:13 PM
  • 14 Replies
I have three kids all boys. My first one is a image if health he was bf for his first year (I had no idea I could do it longer) my second guy couldn't eat for five days after he was born. He had heart surgery at 3 days old. I pumped all his milk. He even got all my colostrum. I wasn't able to put him to the breast til his second week of life. A really good lc came in and said I was doing everything right and to keep up the good work. He had a feeding tube and had to take the majority of a feeding through his tube! Over the following month I would put him to the breast and he would get mad and I would give what he would take in a bottle theN the rest down the tube. Well I eventually stopped trying and just pumped. I pumped so much milk it was insane. I cont to pump til he was 9-10 mths old and I switched him to soy formula bc he was having milk issues ( I had no idea at the time how bad soy is) I stopped pumping bc of the milk thing. I had no idea about nipple shields or SNS or cutting milk from my diet. I know no so much more and I really feel terrible. My middle child is a small guy (especially compared to his brother) he has had a ton of surgeries and health issues. He is the type who is always sick. Then I have our third boy who is becoming a little fatty and seems like a image of health so far. I just wonder if he would have had a better shot if I would have bf him. I know this is crazy. I just think about it all the time. He has had a cold for a month. I have taken him to some type of doctor at least once a week for every week of life he's had. EVERY single week for 19 mths. My heart just breaks for him and yet this little man is full of energy and smiles. When I look into his eyes I can see he is going to grow up to do something amazing! Sorry so long I was just thinking about this a lot tonight. Mobile so its hard to proof read!
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by on Oct. 30, 2010 at 9:13 PM
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Replies (1-10):
XxPixiesworldxX
by on Oct. 30, 2010 at 9:18 PM

 Are you currently nursing a baby? If so, have you tried nursing your 19 month old? He may take to it again... If not, pump again and put it in a sippy! He will get TONS of nutrients and antibodies and may even kick his cold much faster...

Also, giving vit D3 at 2,000IUa day will help his immune system.

Precious333
by Group Mod-Julia on Oct. 30, 2010 at 9:22 PM

Don't beat yourself up about it. You did the best you knew how with the information you had and thats all we can give our children. Plus, some children will have health problems, or other trials even if we give them the best we can (like breastmilk). My friend's son is my son's age. We both breastfed, exclusively breastfed to a year and continued to breastfeed after... she even continued longer than me, and yet her son was diagnosed with leukemia.  She continued to breastfeed him.... which helped a whole lot for his health as well as for his comfort, and he either is beating or has already beat the leukemia (btw got it at age 3). So, don't feel guilty! You sound like a wonderful mom!!! Keep up the good work and stop blaming yourself.

Precious333
by Group Mod-Julia on Oct. 30, 2010 at 9:23 PM


Quoting XxPixiesworldxX:

 Are you currently nursing a baby? If so, have you tried nursing your 19 month old? He may take to it again... If not, pump again and put it in a sippy! He will get TONS of nutrients and antibodies and may even kick his cold much faster...

Also, giving vit D3 at 2,000IUa day will help his immune system.


yep :) try pumping and giving it to him. I give my 2 1/2 yr old pumped bm :) He LOVES it!!!


Julia: wife of Drew, christian, pro-life, homebirthing, AP mom of Damien and Gavin, baby Harley 2/09-3/09, Mason 9-19-2010  Isaiah 66:10-13

mjp2707
by Silver Member on Oct. 30, 2010 at 9:24 PM
I am currently nursing my newborn!
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jessihernandez
by on Oct. 30, 2010 at 9:28 PM

That's great! Pumped milk in a sippy for your sick LO will do him wonders! You did the best you knew how to do, you can't beat yourself up for that!

Quoting mjp2707:

I am currently nursing my newborn!


I'm a natural birthing, breastfeeding, pacifier using, future normal food giving, cloth diapering, vaxing, carseat safety practicing, non-circing, doing my own resaerch, non-CIO, babywearing kind of mama.

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maggiemom2000
by Ruby Member on Oct. 30, 2010 at 9:29 PM

I have a firend who adopted a baby at 19 months and she induced lactation and nursed him! Let me know if you want info on teaching a toddler to nurse. Pumping is another option, just keep in mind: Your milk has the highest level of antibodies when your baby takes it directly from your breast, and is second-best when it is freshly pumped. The longer it is stored, the more of these antibodies are deactivated. Freezing destroys even more antibodies. (Your frozen milk still provides excellent nutrition and protection for your baby, just not as good as directly from the breast or freshly pumped.)

Maybe actually nursing him would help relieve some of your guilt as well.

kyriesmommy13
by on Oct. 30, 2010 at 9:50 PM
please don't beat yourself up. i know (kind of) how you feel. even though ebf, my dd is *constantly* sick. developmentally, she is way ahead of her age, but her immune system seems to be really lacking. i often wonder if her immune system is compromised because of the meds i'm on, but that's another issue i beat myself up for.


anyway, it could just be coincidence that he is sicker than your other children. maybe his health would be better, but maybe it would be much worse had you not given him 9-10 months of breastmilk you did!

i think any mommy who doesn't question or wonder, probably isn't a very good mommy. the fact that you are wondering this, speaks volumes about you as a parent. what's done is done. you shouldn't feel guilty since you did what you thought best, at that time. you know better now, and are doing better. that also says a lot about you!

like pp's have posted, if you pump you now you could always give him breastmilk in a cup to give his immune system a boost. if you're not opposed to trying it, i've even heard of moms un-weaning their children. ((hugs)) momma!

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lifetimelove
by Platinum Member on Oct. 30, 2010 at 10:41 PM

You gave him breastmilk for over nine months.  Believe me when I say that it is a HUGE accomplishment for a mother of a special needs child to do that, especially if it's done pumping.  SO MANY moms give up, especially when they don't have the right information and support.  You pressed through, despite the fact that you DIDN'T have a support group like this!  I am a mother of a special needs child, who is fed with a feeding tube.  I understand the frustration and the questioning of whether or not you made the right choices, or if you had done things different if they would be better.  Believe me, I understand.  But it is NOT worth beating yourself up over.  You said yourself, you have a happy and loving child.  Many don't.  And nine months of breastmilk is nothing to shake a stick at! 

And consider pumping and giving it to him, or trying to see if he'll nurse now!  My daughter currently gets formula through her feeding tube, but I'm still nursing (I'm eight months pregnant, so she just gets colustrum, not breastmilk), but when this new little one comes next month, you better believe I'll be pumping and putting it in her feeding tube again.  It's worth the work!

*hugs* mamma. 

rabidbunny
by on Oct. 30, 2010 at 10:42 PM

big hugs :)

mjp2707
by Silver Member on Oct. 30, 2010 at 11:47 PM
Thanks ladies. I have great family members who support bf they just don't know anything about it. I'm so educated this time and will def be nursing this new lo for a long time. I have often thought about trying to put my toddler to the breast but my dh hasn't came around to nursing past a year. I know not his decision but I'm not ready for that discussion. We got into a debate bc I told him I'm bf til 15 mths with this guy (I plan on going for longer but shh) I'm already pumping to donate so I will start giving some of that to him! My kids are my world and I want to give them the best everything especially nutrition. I really have this group to thank for all the information I have now. I have given so many woman advice on bf. A woman saw me nursing in the store and came up to me and asked a ton of questions bc she was expecting and it felt good to know I gave her good advice!
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