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Divorce and bf-- update 8/1

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Ok so dh left me at 34 weeks preg and I have a 3 yr old. Dd is almost 4 weeks old now and she's ebf. I've been letting my ds go to his and his old whores house. (no shit she's 38 and he's 24--he literally came home started a fight with me said he wasn't happy anymore and left my house and move in with her same day)
he's done nothing but harass me since he left.
Anyways he's drove me insane on the visitation with dd. I've told him he's more than welcome to come by and see her anytime. But right now she's on the breast and he can't lactate. He says I need to pump and if I don't the judge will order me to. Says if not I'm just gonna give her formula when she does come. I've been in tears all afternoon bc of this. We had agreed on her doing day visits til at least 6 months old and then doing a transitional period to working up to staying the night. Now that's not good enough. He says it's the same damn milk just given in a bottle. He don't get nipple confusion or anything. He says I'm being selfish and unrealistic. Idk what to do. Now I feel like when she does ever go he's gonna mess her up. I had a ff baby and he was awful... Colicky, belly aching, sick... Etc we spent hours miserale with that lil man watching him suffer... I don't need to have him screwing up dd. I'm fine with pumping and sending bm but not til she is ready to go back and forth between bottle and breast. It's bad enough, I can't imagine sending my newborn to the house he's shacked up with a whore to play mommy to her. Ugh. Yeah, guess I'm selfish. I've begged him to come see her but nope all he cares about is carting her to his new house and new family. It's not about her it's alllll about him and what he wants. Don't even get me started on separation probs with a bf baby. Anyone ever dealt with this?

Update 8/1-

Ok so dd had her 4 week appt Friday.  Shes gained 9 ounces and grown 2 inches btw :)  Anyways, I asked the pedi about the situation.  I explained to him the circumstances.  Of course, I got the oh my I had no idea you were going through this speech.  Then I asked him about visitation recommendations... he asked me he said well do you give her a bottle?  I said of course not.. he said well there is your answer right there.  He said according to the AAP that is what he follows and he recommends breast is best til 6 months.  I also said what about overnight visits bc thats what hes pushing... and he goes well unless he wants to bring her home for you to bf I dont believe thats possible.  I said well hes pushing for the standard with her and shes bf and he said he would give her formula.. he gave me an awful look and said well i guess hes crazy huh?  LOL I said nope he just wants to take her from me at all costs.  He said he noted in the papers that I asked about overnight visits and visitations and he does NOT at all recommend her being away from mom til she is no longer on the breast.  He told me to contact the lactation specialists I been working with and said girl you better call them, they will tell the judge its not a good idea.. he said they are the bf nazis LOL  He said your supply would be in danger if she is away for an extended amount of time like the 2 nights in a row.  He told me to tell them I am NOT comfortable with pumping and introducing her to a bottle and to be like its offensive and tell them you feel like you are being bullied by it.  So.. we shall see what happens. 

by on Jul. 25, 2011 at 10:37 PM
Replies (21-30):
by on Jul. 27, 2011 at 2:08 AM
Go to court and go prepared. Obtain a letter from your ped or an LC saying that you must feed baby from the breast for x amount of time and ask for full custody and supervised visits on the premis that he abandoned your family and anything else you can prove against him. Stay strong momma. He deserves to have his ass handed to him.
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by on Jul. 27, 2011 at 4:59 AM

Your ex sounds like a jerk.. He needs to back off..Sorry I cant offer much advice on visitation etc but as a Mom I wouldnt let me baby go off and be with some other woman who broke your home..Your ex can def come over to your place if he wants to see  the baby so bad..after all it was he who left you !! Hugs and good thouughts..

by on Jul. 27, 2011 at 5:07 AM
Stick to what you want. Judge isn't going to pull a EBF baby away from mom at all. HE chose to leave BEFORE she was here, that's his loss.
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by on Aug. 1, 2011 at 12:02 PM

bump for update

by on Aug. 1, 2011 at 12:22 PM

 just wanted to say your ex is a douche. even though the other girl here was told to pump, i think it's rare and not the norm.

good luck

by Bronze Member on Aug. 1, 2011 at 12:43 PM
Yay that sounds promising!
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by on Aug. 1, 2011 at 1:07 PM

Maybe you should make ALL and ANY communications by email only. This way any of his harassment is in writing and you can show the judge how nuts he is.

by on Aug. 1, 2011 at 2:00 PM

Firstly, I honestly think he lost alot of rights by cheating and moving in with some other whorebag. He just up and left you while you were pregnant. I would tell him flat out NO, and if he has an issue with it take it to court. At that point I would not give a shit what he wanted and anything. He can suck it in my opinion. I would not even trust my baby in his care or his whorebags care for that matter.

by on Aug. 1, 2011 at 2:11 PM

It all depends on the state.  A judge isn't going to automatically side with the nursing mother. They want mother and father in the picture when it is safe to do so. Just because he is an ass doesn't mean he is unsafe. It sucks, yes. A judge will also remind you that he divorced you and not the kids. His timing was terrible, but again, that doesn't mean he has lost any rights to his children. I have learned all of this from experience. Luckily my ex wasn't AS big of an ass. Nipple confusion isn't a huge risk after 4 weeks. I wouldn't count on the judge being on your side so make sure you are prepared in either case. I hate that so many women have to deal with such douche bags!!! Good luck!

by on Aug. 1, 2011 at 2:12 PM

There is a moreality clause you can add to the final divorce decree saying that mom or dad are not allowed to have over night guests ( like bf and gf) until they are married to them...just remember it goes both ways.

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