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I can't do this anymore

Posted by on Aug. 19, 2011 at 4:57 PM
  • 12 Replies

I might get bashed for this but, I'm in tears and I don't think I can breastfeed DD anymore. All she does anymore is cry, and want me to hold her and nurse her. She will seriously just have nursed and then had solid foods and 5 minutes later she'll freak out and want me to hold her and then she'll start pulling my shirt down to nurse. She does this ALL day long. I'm about ready to pull my hair out!!!

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by on Aug. 19, 2011 at 4:57 PM
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BigMommaJemS
by on Aug. 19, 2011 at 7:19 PM

I can see how that would be stressful. Unfortunately, I don't have any advice since I've never gone through something like that with my four sons. It does make me wonder though... Are you a working mom? Could it be that she missed you & knows that when she's nursing, she has your full attention? Have you asked her doctor about this behavior? Good luck to you!

connorsmommy120
by on Aug. 19, 2011 at 8:34 PM

I'm a SAHM. She just started this, this week. She gets most of my attention which then makes me feel bad for my DS. I don't know, I think it might be her teeth but I'm not sure. I put some orajel on and she seems a little better now. I didn't think it was her teeth because I don't see any new ones coming in, or even a sign that they are coming in.?

Quoting BigMommaJemS:

I can see how that would be stressful. Unfortunately, I don't have any advice since I've never gone through something like that with my four sons. It does make me wonder though... Are you a working mom? Could it be that she missed you & knows that when she's nursing, she has your full attention? Have you asked her doctor about this behavior? Good luck to you!


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tabi_cat1023
by Group Admin -Tabitha on Aug. 19, 2011 at 8:41 PM

Is she getting her molars??  Shes a year old you CAN give solids before nursings too if you want. 

UGH throw away the oragel, its dangerous for babies, get hylands teething tablets or gel no more oragel

http://themominformed.blogspot.com/2011/01/dangers-of-baby-orajel.html

connorsmommy120
by on Aug. 19, 2011 at 8:59 PM

She may be, she only has 3 teeth and those seriously just came in. (the two top ones came in about 2wks ago and the bottom one, like 2months ago.)

Yeah, well the oragel was the only thing we had and I just wanted to figure something out to help her.

Quoting tabi_cat1023:

Is she getting her molars??  Shes a year old you CAN give solids before nursings too if you want. 

UGH throw away the oragel, its dangerous for babies, get hylands teething tablets or gel no more oragel

http://themominformed.blogspot.com/2011/01/dangers-of-baby-orajel.html


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maggiemom2000
by on Aug. 19, 2011 at 9:01 PM

How old is she?

Teething could totally explain this behavior. Also, is she at an age when separation anxiety starts to hit?

I know how  frustrated you are! Keep in mind that weaning will not make you magically have a baby who is not "clingy", it is more likely to have the opposite affect.

 

Kellymom has some great info at http://kellymom.com/parenting/velcrochild.html

Here is some of it, I hope it helps!

Are you feeling overwhelmed by your child's intense needs?

But how much intense parenting they need, possibly including frequent nursing, in the second year depends for the most part on their inborn timetable for emotional development. As parents we can slow down emotional growth by leaving needs unmet. But there is nothing extra we can do to speed it up. ...your investment in your toddler who seems to be 'always attached' will pay off when the time for independence does come. 
-- Norma Jane Bumgarner in "Mothering Your Nursing Toddler"

Older babies and toddlers can get really clingy at times. Sometimes it seems as if your child has been nursing all day (or all night), or has been clinging to your leg all day long (even when you go to the bathroom) and you really just need a break.

These "velcro days" usually have a cause (even if we only know after the fact): teething, illness, a developmental advance. But even when you know the reason behind a clingy episode, it can still be very frustrating, particularly if you had something you expected to get done or if you were simply anticipating some time to yourself.

Do know that each of us gets overwhelmed from time to time. Remember - these moments pass, even though it may seem like forever when you're in the middle of one of these days.

I've gathered a few tips for dealing with these "velcro" days, but I'd like to get your suggestions and experiences, too. Please e-mail me with your comments, and I'll include them here.

  • If your child is being particularly clingy and you're having a hard time dealing with it, take her outside for a while (or to the park, to the store, etc.). The change of scene will do both of you good.

     

  • If you feel that your child is under your feet all the time when you're trying to get things done around the house, have her help out. Toddlers love to help, and they can do things like fold small towels or diapers, dry dishes, sweep with a small broom, help set the table, wipe the counter, etc. It might take a little more time, but it can make things less frustrating for both of you and it's also a learning experience for your toddler.

  • Referencing some books on child development can help you figure out expectations for your child at each particular age. I like the Barron's Educational Series Keys to Parenting titles and the classic series by Ames and Ilg, Your x Year Old. Just look around wherever you see parents and children together and you'll see so many active misconceptions about what children are capable of doing and what they need to be doing at each stage. Where have our ideas come from? What are our assumptions? Are they reasonable? My oldest son was fully 2 years old before he ever sat still and played by himself. After more than a year of waiting, wishing, wanting 20 minutes to myself, when he finally sat and played for one hour nonstop I was so stunned that I "wasted" the entire hour watching him! -- Anita

  • Some children will kick, move around, grab at your face, and so on, while nursing. This can get old, especially if they are nursing very often, and can also hurt mom. Most older babies can understand (and accept) it when you tell her that she needs to be still if she wants to nurse. See this article for more on nursing manners.

     

  • If your child is having a major clingy day and it's driving you crazy, plan to get some time to yourself after your partner gets home. Have him take over with the kids, and either go out for a bit (take a walk, go shopping, work out) or take a child-free break at home (take a nap, read a book, take a bath).

  • Many parents have bedtime struggles. As far as bedtime, we've never tried to institute anything formal with our babies. As with nursing, eating, using the potty, etc., we pretty much let them regulate their own needs. My toddler always tells me when he is tired and ready to climb into bed - and he hasn't skipped a night yet! This is stress free for all parties and works for us. Because of kindergarten, my older son does have a pretty regular routine of bath, story/backrub, bed, but the sequence is more important than the hour. With him, we have found that playtime or TV between bath and bed is not a good idea because it energizes his body and imagination. -- Anita

  • Be good to yourself. Eat well, drink your water, get physical outside and aim for more R&R when the going is especially rough. Find some time in your day - even if it is just for a few minutes, even if you have a baby at the breast - to practice some relaxation breathing. 

    Then count your blessings and try to get a mental picture of what you want your relationship with your children to look like in the long run. Often our own childhood stuff keeps playing in our head. I recommend Harville Hendrix' Giving the Love That Heals for some thought-provoking reading on conscious parenting. Anyways, get a picture and then you can begin to decide what you want to do. No one else can do that for you. -- Anita

  • Those around us - spouse, family, friends - are usually influencing our relationship with our children by their support or lack thereof. Is our stress with our children really rooted in one of our other relationships? Are we getting the physical and emotional support we need/want to handle our mothering responsibilities? Are we getting the respect and warm fuzzies we feel we deserve? Are we putting too much on our to-do list? Are we giving ourselves over to others who have great needs? Has our stay-at-home status diminished our self-esteem or increased our financial burden? Have economics or the demands of attachment parenting lead us to give up social activities or contacts? 

    If we trust that our baby - not us, not the doctor, grandma, neighbor, friend, but the baby - is the only one that knows how much they need from us, then it's important to look at these other factors. -- Anita

  • Only you can determine what your limits are and what you want/need to do for your children and yourself. When we are pushed past our personal limits, many of us experience resentment and anger. I think our children pick up on this and feel threatened. During these times, my children turn all of their energy toward keeping my attention on them. Many moms have found that this sort of thing can happen (for example) during phone calls and when they are attempting weaning. When I stop, take a deep breath and totally surrender my whole self, body and soul, to my boys, they're usually pretty quick to let go and get on with their business. If they don't, it doesn't matter because by that time I am totally relaxed and focused on them and not on the stressful stuff outside our relationship. -- Anita
Char07
by on Aug. 19, 2011 at 9:03 PM
It's probably teething... With my older dd that had a horrible time teething it would be a week of no sleep, constant nursing and crying then all of a sudden a tooth would pop through and all would be well again. I agree with tabi get rid of the orajel and get some hylands. Good luck :)
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connorsmommy120
by on Aug. 19, 2011 at 9:05 PM

I do for the most part, this week though I've sort of just let her do whatever though....

Quoting tabi_cat1023:

Is she getting her molars??  Shes a year old you CAN give solids before nursings too if you want. 

UGH throw away the oragel, its dangerous for babies, get hylands teething tablets or gel no more oragel

http://themominformed.blogspot.com/2011/01/dangers-of-baby-orajel.html


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preemiemommy
by on Aug. 19, 2011 at 9:08 PM

 my son is 15 months old...and whenever he's getting more teeth, or just having an off day he gets like this. its crazy some days...and very hectic...but just keep on keeping on, it will get better :)  good luck!!

EliannasMama
by on Aug. 19, 2011 at 9:21 PM
I went through the same thing with my dd well very similar, and it was because she was teething she drove me nuts too! But just be patient and don't give up!! It'll pass, just give it a few days and I'm sure shell stop! My daughter did and now when she's teething it doesn't even bother her much!
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connorsmommy120
by on Aug. 19, 2011 at 9:42 PM

Thanks! I hope it's just her teething, she's never acted like this before while teething. DS didn't either...

Quoting EliannasMama:

I went through the same thing with my dd well very similar, and it was because she was teething she drove me nuts too! But just be patient and don't give up!! It'll pass, just give it a few days and I'm sure shell stop! My daughter did and now when she's teething it doesn't even bother her much!


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