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I'm gonna go crazy! Rant.

Posted by on Nov. 27, 2011 at 5:32 PM
  • 30 Replies

I have twin boys that are 1 month old, and I am attempting to breastfeed them. They happen to be preemies, and still at 1 month tend to fall asleep half way through feedings, and Thanksgiving just hit and the boys were held nonstop by relatives. I'd say 'It's time for their nap', put them down, then go into another room. When I'd return, they'd be out of the crib and back in relatives arms. The day after, they slept from 9am to 3pm without eating. I couldn't wake them enough to feed them!

Because of the time of year, I've been forced to go in to work many days, leaving them with relatives. Since none of the family really understood that the boys actually need time out of people's arms, when I get them home in the evening, they are spoiled and expect to be held for the rest of the night. If I put them down, they scream. I tried letting them cry it out, and it just means I have a screaming baby for hours on end. They are also cranky all day long.

Saying all that, it is, of course, having ramifications on breastfeeding. Because twins need to be on a schedule to keep everyone sane, and to keep lactation going well, I've really worked at getting them to a rough 3 hour feeding schedule, but the time of year couldn't have been worse. Lactation is shaky, never knowing when I have good supply and when I don't. The boys sometimes eat what I think was a full meal, then 30 minutes later are hungry again. Never at the same time, of course, so I could feed both and keep them to the same schedule. It's always so that they are staggered for the rest of the day, so I am feeding ALL DAY LONG.Then suddenly they'll decide that they need to sleep so soundly that we are unable to wake them. We try everything, including changing them or wiping them with a wet washcloth. They scream and are cranky, then as soon as I try to feed them they go back to sleep.

Feeding is all over the place, I don't know what to expect and the boys don't know what to expect. Because it's constantly changing, I keep having to change the rules. One moment I'll say they need to stick to their naps, the next moment I'm telling everyone to keep them awake. My relatives are getting frustrated because they don't know what I want them to do. My husband has to look to me before he does anything, and I'm to the 'throwing up my hands' point.


by on Nov. 27, 2011 at 5:32 PM
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Replies (1-10):
MumsTheWord571
by Gold Member on Nov. 27, 2011 at 5:37 PM
I haven't nursed twins, but there are moms who have in this group. I just want to send you a great big hug! It sounds like you need one.

I nurse on demand and almost never put down DD. But then I only have one baby & my toddler.
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mama02040608
by on Nov. 27, 2011 at 5:46 PM
"Rough" schedule is the key word. Develop the schedule around them but expect bumps if you are ebf. Growth spurts happen as well and will have them eating more often than you plan. The napping thing sucks, though. Next family gathering, I would have DH stand guard over them so that they get the sleep they need to grow.
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Baby4us09
by Bronze Member on Nov. 27, 2011 at 5:46 PM
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 I don't think that you can have an EBF baby on a schedule at this age. They are only one month old and they are constantly going thru growth spurts. They are usually all over the place with food and sleep. Be patient.

Babies can't be spoiled at this age. They need to be held and the constant attention.   They rely on you for everything. Please don't think they are spoiled. They are babies and want to feel safe and secure.

larissalarie
by Platinum Member on Nov. 27, 2011 at 5:52 PM
Well, being held a lot isn't going to spoil them, babies NEED to be held.
Second, just because they are twins doesn't mean they can be put on a schedule for feeding this early. They need to nurse on demand just like a singleton baby. If not they are at greater risk for ftt, and your supply might not keep up. They are likely in a growth spurt and if they can't nurse when they need to, they will be fussy. One month is WAY WAY too young for cry it out, ever the doctor who popularized it said it was never to be used in a baby under 6 months. I'm sorry you are struggling, twins must be impossible, but you can't put one month old babies on a schedule...maybe when they are a little older...
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Angeldolphine
by on Nov. 27, 2011 at 5:53 PM
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Well, hopefully I can help some :)

First, they are only a month and too young to be spoiled. Also, it's best to do a routine rather then a strict schedule before five months. It's not good to let them cry it out before three months. It's normal newborn behavior to want to eat thirty minutes later when it seems they have just ate. Babies can actually get full meals in five minutes. Your supply will adjust for your baby. I would assign one boob for one and the other boob for the other. That way your boobs can adjust to what each needs. Also, for a newborn, three hours is a LONG time to go between feeding. Even with one baby, at a month, most of what the mama is doing is feeding the baby. This DOES get better soon, you have about another month where they want to eat constantly. You really can't worry about anything else other then the babies. You really need someone to help you with cooking and cleaning until everything gets settled. So, here is what I would do. Set yourself up on the couch with lots of TV, food and water for the next couple of weeks. Around 8-12 weeks, babies will stop needing to nurse AS much and then soon it will be SO much easier! it will be so much easier to get a routine down then. I think the babies are so miserable because you are trying to force them on a routine instead of letting them nurse and sleep when they want.. At this age, they don't follow a schedule, but they will soon! Beware, there is a crazy growth spurt coming up at six weeks. They will want to nurse ALL the time! 

jjchick75
by Silver Member on Nov. 27, 2011 at 5:57 PM
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I have 14 month old identical twin girls who are still breastfed(and never really been on a schedule). It's important that you don't worry too much about a schedule at this stage. If you start trying to push a schedule your going to end up with a supply problem and possibly a baby with FTT(failure to thrive). Also don't ever let a 1 month old baby CIO. Even people who do CIO will tell you never before 6 months. You can't spoil a baby! Do you tandem nurse? I reccomend it if you don't. It's the only way I ever got anything done early on with my twins. I also reccomend getting a sling, it was another life saver. My other bit of advice is take a deep breath and don't let the little things stress you out so much! This time when they are so small will fly by and the next thing you know you'll look around and their toddlers and don't want to be held more than just a minute or two! Congrats on the new additions!

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haymanisourson
by on Nov. 27, 2011 at 6:02 PM
My ds is also 1 month old and he nurses CONSTANTLY. That part is very normal, it just sucks you've gotta dish out double the attention. There is no such thing as a spoiled baby. They have no concept of manipulation.

As someone who does cio, it is too early for that too. I mean there are gonna be times you have to just let them cry, like in the car or when you're in the bathroom, but to sit there and just let them cry....wait until atleast 6 months.

I know its really difficult, I personally don't know how moms with twins do it. Try to get someone to help you, you will really need it these first few weeks. Try pumping so someone else can feed one of the babies. Try to keep your head up, the hardest part of breast feeding is over! Just keep trying mama!
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SewingMamaLele
by Leanne on Nov. 27, 2011 at 6:04 PM

It sounds like trying to schedule them is causing more confusion than it's preventing.  

Really, they're normal babies.   I tried to put my first son on a schedule and it was the same result... not good!!  

Throw the "rules" out the window and let them eat when they are hungry and sleep when they are tired.  Falling asleep during a feeding is normal of any new baby (my preemie was actually the one of my two who didn't do it! ).    They will begin to regulate as they get older... but for right now their needs are so varried from day to day. 

Do you have any wraps or slings?   I know there are twin holds for wraps, and the baby k'tan can hold twins as well.   This will help for when they both want to be held.     Also... get daddy a sling so you can each take one!  :)

Also- wanting to eat 30 minutes after eating a "full" meal is NORMAL and NOT indicative of supply.   It's just what babies do.   If yours are making enough diapers, you're making enough milk and lactation is not "shaky".   It's perfect, it's exactly what it's supposed to be. 

luvhubandbabys
by on Nov. 27, 2011 at 6:10 PM
No cio before 6 mos ever. Holding babies will not spoil. I realize holidays can be annoying and most babies tend to be extra sleepy the next day but its only a few times a year. Just feed feed feed. I know its frustrating but please don't worry ur family is not spoiling ur one month old babies.
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maggiemom2000
by Ruby Member on Nov. 27, 2011 at 6:15 PM
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Quoting mommy2b39465:

I have twin boys that are 1 month old, and I am attempting to breastfeed them. They happen to be preemies, and still at 1 month tend to fall asleep half way through feedings, and Thanksgiving just hit and the boys were held nonstop by relatives. I'd say 'It's time for their nap', put them down, then go into another room. When I'd return, they'd be out of the crib and back in relatives arms. The day after, they slept from 9am to 3pm without eating. I couldn't wake them enough to feed them!

Because of the time of year, I've been forced to go in to work many days, leaving them with relatives. Since none of the family really understood that the boys actually need time out of people's arms, when I get them home in the evening, they are spoiled and expect to be held for the rest of the night.

Actually, one month old babies do need to be held most of the time. That is really great that you have people who are caring for them who want to hold them all the time. This is really good for your babies.

If I put them down, they scream. I tried letting them cry it out, and it just means I have a screaming baby for hours on end. They are also cranky all day long.

This is because they are one month old. If anything, the fact that they are held all day will make them less likely to cry.

Saying all that, it is, of course, having ramifications on breastfeeding. Because twins need to be on a schedule to keep everyone sane, and to keep lactation going well, I've really worked at getting them to a rough 3 hour feeding schedule, but the time of year couldn't have been worse.

Keep in mind that every 3 hours is only 8 times in 24 hours which is the bare minimum. Most moms and babies can't nurse that infrequently at this age and have baby get enough milk and mom make enough milk. You might want to try for every 2 hours during the day.

Lactation is shaky, never knowing when I have good supply and when I don't. The boys sometimes eat what I think was a full meal, then 30 minutes later are hungry again.

Asking to nurse again 30 minutes later is totally normal and how they increase your milk supply.

Never at the same time, of course, so I could feed both and keep them to the same schedule. It's always so that they are staggered for the rest of the day, so I am feeding ALL DAY LONG.

Normal. Crazy making, but normal! It is just really hard to get a one month old on a schedule. 

Then suddenly they'll decide that they need to sleep so soundly that we are unable to wake them. We try everything, including changing them or wiping them with a wet washcloth. They scream and are cranky, then as soon as I try to feed them they go back to sleep.

Feeding is all over the place, I don't know what to expect and the boys don't know what to expect. Because it's constantly changing, I keep having to change the rules.

Yep, welcome to motherhood!

One moment I'll say they need to stick to their naps, the next moment I'm telling everyone to keep them awake. My relatives are getting frustrated because they don't know what I want them to do. My husband has to look to me before he does anything, and I'm to the 'throwing up my hands' point.

You must be exhausted! I can understand why you are ready to throw up your hands.

The reality is that you have one month old twins, and because they were not full term, they are not really one month old yet. This means you are "stuck" in the newborn stage for longer.

I say throw up your hands. Throw up your hands at the schedule. Resign yourself to just sitting there nursing whenever you are home. The schedule and gettin gthem in synch will come, but I wouldn't expect it or try for it before 3 months old. Right now a big part of the exhaustion and frustration is trying to force an impossible schedule. All of the relatives who help you can do everything but feed the babies (change diapers, rock and cuddle, cook dinner, do laundry, go shopping etc.)

The more frequently you can nurse the better your supply will be.

It is crazy that you are back at work less than a month after having them. Is there any way around it? I' guessing no or you wouldn't be doing it. When you need to go to work, just pump while you are away to provide for the babies and let them be held while you are at work.

Hang in there!



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