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DH is quickly going thru frozen

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Im so frustrated!! I'm at work. I work FT and DH stays home with DD. she is 10 week now. Every week he dips into the frozen supply. I think we have 25 oz frozen. I pump at work, but my 11-13 oz of pumped milk doesn't seem to be enough. She Throws up every other week and lots gets wasted when she drinks out of a bottle. I have suggested he read about bottle feeding BM several times and even bookmarked the kellymom page about it for him. He keeps doing things that waste milk. Today we finally got into a huge fight about it. He just hung up on me. He said he never wants to talk about this again and he's doing the best he can...I just need to pump more. Why can't he just read the damn web page and find tips to preserve the BM and not over feed???? Sorry about the rant - I'm just so pissed that I want to go buy so formula and stop this argument. But I know that's not fair to DD. I hate being hooked up to a damn machine 4 hs a day. I wish he could work and I could stay home but I make so much more money than him that it doesn't make sense. His suggestion: pump more. Mine: preserve the supply and stop over feeding. Ugh. Advice? Am I being too critical?
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by on May. 3, 2012 at 3:56 PM
Replies (21-30):
Angeldolphine
by on May. 3, 2012 at 6:02 PM

Be aware there are growth spurts where they want to eat all the time. That's usually when the baby will take the 1.5 ounces per hour. There is a huge growth spurt around 12 weeks.

He's not doing it right, he's overfeeding her if the bottles are typically three to four ounces in a two hour period. He should be giving her bottles when she wants it, basing it on the last time she fed and then waiting at least 15 minutes before giving her another ounce. You said he regularly throws out the extra milk too. He shouldn't be doing that either.

Quoting SchmidtyBaby:

Yeh, it might be that she needs more sometimes. She got her shots yesterday and may be eating more today to sooth. I agree that it is possible he is doing everything right, but what's the harm in doing the research to make sure?

I try to nurse just before leaving in the am and the pump the minute I arrive at work. I pump 4 times per day. I could add another at night but treasure the 4 hs of continuous sleep I get at that time.

Ha! Schmidtys rule!



Quoting iMommyDi:

10.5hr and using 13oz is very average. Normal is 1-1.5oz every hour away. So she may need 16oz some days.



Do you pump in the morning? This was the time I'd get the most pumped. I'd then pump 3 times at work, and once at night after baby went to sleep just to get whatever else I could.



I understand the frustration of feeling like he's wasting it. I'd be pissed if I found some sitting out.



At the beginning, I froze in 2oz bags or bottles. That way, 1 was thawed per feeding. Eventually as I was able to store way more, I froze in 1/2 day incriments. I froze 8oz bags.



Btw... LOVE your SN!! That's our last name too. DH is Schmidty, I'm Schmidette, DS1 is miniSchmidty, DS2 is the Schmidtling, and I'm pregnant with Squishy. I ran out of Schmidt ideas! lol


Baby_Avas_Momma
by Gold Member on May. 3, 2012 at 6:07 PM
1 mom liked this
Exactly. Bottles should be no bigger than 3 oz every 3 hrs. He needs to learn other ways of comforting her.

Quoting comf:

Do you guys know that bottle is supposed to 'low supply ' time? She is not supposed to be satisfied with the bottles, they are just supposed to hold her over until she can nurse again. That way she will nurse a lot and keep up your supply better than a pump can.
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collinsmom72
by on May. 3, 2012 at 6:07 PM

everyone's given you great info- I just want to say unless you go out & drink tons you can have a drink here & there it won't hurt baby or your milk. hugs momma!!

esrice
by on May. 3, 2012 at 6:23 PM
Great advice from the other Mamas. If he still doesn't get it, make sure you both go to her next check up and address is with her pedi. Maybe hearing it from a doctor would get through to him. Good luck mama.
Gruntlings
by on May. 3, 2012 at 6:31 PM
4 moms liked this

He's over feeding her. EVEN IF she's that hungry, he is over-feeding her in a way that will destroy your supply. Print this out: http://nurshable.com/2011/12/29/the-one-ounce-per-hour-rule-of-bottle-feeding/  Ask him to listen to you while you read it. It's sabotage of his child's food source, and it's a waste of your nutrients. He says "pump more". That's not possible. Period. He's sabotaging his child's food supply because he doesn't want to educate himself.

http://nurshable.com/2012/01/10/overfeeding-a-baby-with-a-bottle-vs-the-breast/  this explains why the "feed baby what baby wants" advice is terrible when it comes to breastfed babies and bottles. Print. Read out loud.

This could be a solution for the "he over-feeds" issue. But it might also cause problems in your marriage or result in him giving your child formula: http://www.google.com/products/catalog?hl=en&q=locking+freezer&bav=on.2,or.r_gc.r_pw.r_cp.r_qf.,cf.osb&biw=1387&bih=1102&um=1&ie=UTF-8&tbm=shop&cid=2300739967819770739&sa=X&ei=LgajT57ELqfN6QGj5YwW&ved=0CHsQ8wIwAA  It is an inexpensive locking freezer. Leave out just enough for the day. Take the keys with you. Be aware that if he's hell bent on feeding her whenever she cries, then he's likely to buy and use formula.

See if he'll be willing to baby-wear. Putting a baby in a wrap pretty much guarantees that baby will sleep most of the day. Also see if he'll be willing to learn to use his pinky finger as a pacifier for the baby if the baby refuses a regular pacifier or if you prefer not to use one.

Something has to change, though. What he's doing is not good for the baby. He's over-loading the baby's system with more milk than the baby can handle. This has long term and short term health consequences.


tabi_cat1023
by Group Mod - Tabitha on May. 3, 2012 at 6:31 PM
1 mom liked this

THIS, my hubby is a SAHD so I knowhow this goes, but he needs to know its not a neverending supply of BM..you cant just make more like he thinks.

Quoting 081499:

Sit down with him tonight and let him know you're going to start looking for a childcare provider tomorrow.  If he won't take caring for his child seriously, then you'll find someone who will.  Of course, he'll have to get a job to pay that someone....


07lilmama1108
by on May. 3, 2012 at 10:04 PM
1 mom liked this
I've been here... i went back to work at 6 weeks pp, left 18 oz in the fridge and they were gone in 5 hours!!! I found out everutime ds put his hands in his mouth dh would off a bottle. Ds would drink it and by the time i got home he was so uncomfortable he puked. I was furious!! I offered paci's to counter the suck reflux but ds didnt like them. Now he's reverse cycling and completely refuses the bottles. I leave 6 oz for 7 hours and he barely drinks 3 oz a week so I've been freezing almkst everything.
Try a pacifier for when you're away. Is there a mother or close friend who can stop by to "say hi" and help for 30 mins? That helped dh realize ds wasn't nearly that hungry. Print out kellymoms "rules" and put it on the fridge alonv with other ways to comfort baby. Dh is still is learning at 14 weeks!
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07lilmama1108
by on May. 3, 2012 at 10:07 PM
1 mom liked this
I agree!! I pumped once after nursing, showed dh my half oz and was so excited!! He said "that's it!??" Like he expected way more. Now he treasures it like the liquid gold it is!!

Quoting tabi_cat1023:

THIS, my hubby is a SAHD so I knowhow this goes, but he needs to know its not a neverending supply of BM..you cant just make more like he thinks.


Quoting 081499:

Sit down with him tonight and let him know you're going to start looking for a childcare provider tomorrow.  If he won't take caring for his child seriously, then you'll find someone who will.  Of course, he'll have to get a job to pay that someone....


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shelley11709
by Bronze Member on May. 3, 2012 at 10:08 PM
1 mom liked this
Store your stash somewhere else. Only freeze or make bottles in 2oz increments. I would pre make all bottles needed for while you are gone. (frozen milk is good for 24 hrs in the fridge after thawing). If you want him to read an article sit down and read it with him.
After we first had out baby my Dh refused to listen to anything I said about taking care of baby, part of it was how I was presenting it and part of it was him freaking out that we just had a baby. Some men take not being the main bread winner as a blow to their manhood. He may love taking care of your LO but it could bruise his ego a bit. He could also take you telling him he is over feeding and wasting BM as a critisim of how he is doing taking care of your dd. I say try to talk about what's going on with him and try explaining to him in a different way about over feeding. Maybe take a day to show him that it's not that easy to pump as much as is needed or asynchronous as he is using.
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nellyb118
by on May. 3, 2012 at 10:12 PM
1 mom liked this
Poor baby! That's to much milk! My 22 lb 6 month old can only take 2 ounces at a time I can't imagine how sick her tummy feels after being stuffed :(
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