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Breastfeeding Moms Breastfeeding Moms

DH is quickly going thru frozen

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Im so frustrated!! I'm at work. I work FT and DH stays home with DD. she is 10 week now. Every week he dips into the frozen supply. I think we have 25 oz frozen. I pump at work, but my 11-13 oz of pumped milk doesn't seem to be enough. She Throws up every other week and lots gets wasted when she drinks out of a bottle. I have suggested he read about bottle feeding BM several times and even bookmarked the kellymom page about it for him. He keeps doing things that waste milk. Today we finally got into a huge fight about it. He just hung up on me. He said he never wants to talk about this again and he's doing the best he can...I just need to pump more. Why can't he just read the damn web page and find tips to preserve the BM and not over feed???? Sorry about the rant - I'm just so pissed that I want to go buy so formula and stop this argument. But I know that's not fair to DD. I hate being hooked up to a damn machine 4 hs a day. I wish he could work and I could stay home but I make so much more money than him that it doesn't make sense. His suggestion: pump more. Mine: preserve the supply and stop over feeding. Ugh. Advice? Am I being too critical?
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by on May. 3, 2012 at 3:56 PM
Replies (31-40):
zannahdeux
by Bronze Member on May. 3, 2012 at 10:46 PM
3 moms liked this
Quoting SchmidtyBaby:




But if he is over feeding her then he is not taking good care of her or you because he is putting even more stress on you and your marriage. Yeah make all the money and make more milk?!? Really momma? Perhaps what ever he could make is worth putting twards daycare so baby isn't throwing up or being over fed.....and worth your stress reduction. He said he is doing his best so if his best isn't good enough then time to make a change.
SchmidtyBaby
by on May. 4, 2012 at 12:38 AM
Yeah we have a close friend who has a 6 y.o. They stopped by just after the argument. I suspect he told her what happened and she set him straight. When I got home he had made us baked ziti and bought ice cream. There were no signs of unfrozen milk. I decided to give the issue a rest tonight and will be printing some info tomorrow. I am also going to buy more bottles and divide up the milk for him before I leave in the am.


Quoting Angeldolphine:

Oh god, he's waaaay overfeeding your baby!  Baby should have 1-1.5 ounces per hour. Keep milk in a container and have him do an ounce per hour. If the last time baby ate was two hours ago, do two ounces then wait fifteen minutes, give another ounce if still fussy. The baby needs time for the stomach to catch up. Also, the milk can be reheated once, it's not like formula where it goes bad in an hour and you can't reheat it. It's actually good for four hours at room temperature. 

Um, is there anyone else who can watch your baby since your DH is being stupid and refuses to do this right???? I'd tell him either he works and you stay at home, he does this right or you pay for someone else to watch your child since he's being an idiot. I might pay someone who knows what they are doing to babysit HIM, since he obviously needs some training. I'd pay them for about a week to train him on how to take care of a breastfed baby.


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SchmidtyBaby
by on May. 4, 2012 at 12:45 AM
1 mom liked this
When I'm home he works hard to sooth her before saying "hon , I think she is hungry." I call him the baby whisperer because he is so good at getting her calmed and to sleep. I m gone for 11.5 hours so 13 oz seems for be just enough. I think she had a growth spurt last week. I honestly think he is trying but it's hard to believe he's doing the best he can if he won't even read the info out there. Maybe it's like directions for men? They want to figure it out and not stop at the gas station and ask the best way to get there???


Quoting sreichelt26:

what everyone said. He is harming her by overfeeding - sounds like he's using feeding to comfort/entertain her and stop her fussing. Either he educates himself and does it properly, or he doesn't watch her anymore. Which means he gets a job (so you can stay home or to pay for the sitter).


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JaxMomma78
by Bronze Member on May. 4, 2012 at 12:48 AM

my DS eats 3-4 oz during feedings.  he always has. (even when he was weighed by the LC)  during bottle feedigns i tried giving him 2 oz at a time but it was not enough for him, he continued to scream till i gave him the last 1-2 oz.    yes he is abnormal!  hahaha   he goes about 4 hrs between feedings.  he likes his sleep and playtime, i guess.   he must have a stomach like a rock, but thats what he eats.  he has been gassy, but its better now.  the only time he spits up is if he doesnt get a good burp, but thats rare.    when i have to pump i usually get 2 oz per side, i know its not a total indicator as to what your baby gets, but i think thats what my body makes every few hrs (i know my body).  i even asked the pedi if i should be feeding him more often, she said he is growing at a good rate so keep up what i have been doing.  i even posted on here a cpl times and everyone agreed, if it aint broke dont fix it.  haha. 


i think your DH is being an @ss!  you know your baby and you know your body!!!  does your baby take a binky?? 


SchmidtyBaby
by on May. 4, 2012 at 12:53 AM
Yeah I drink one to two beers sometimes. I just have the urge to get the ladies to go out and really party one night. I like feeling tipsy. It's been a long time because I didn't drink when ttc. I didn't drink at all preggo. I need an evening away, but that's probably not going to happen now.


Quoting collinsmom72:

everyone's given you great info- I just want to say unless you go out & drink tons you can have a drink here & there it won't hurt baby or your milk. hugs momma!!


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SchmidtyBaby
by on May. 4, 2012 at 1:07 AM
Yeah, but I get so much out of this arrangement. Number 1 is I know dd is safe with her daddy. I'm not sure if she is being over fed. The frustrating thing is that he is so unwilling to consider that possibility. Men and their damn egos!!! Something that didn't help was we took a prenatal class in january '12 that cost $180 and was all day on a Sunday but we learned nothing new or helpful. He resisted that class and I had to admit he was right, but my point was lost on him...if you don't try then there may be info you are missing. He always brings up the fact that I would become more anxious after looking things up on the web when I was preggo. He says "what did people do before the Internet? They just figured it out."


Quoting zannahdeux:

Quoting SchmidtyBaby:






But if he is over feeding her then he is not taking good care of her or you because he is putting even more stress on you and your marriage. Yeah make all the money and make more milk?!? Really momma? Perhaps what ever he could make is worth putting twards daycare so baby isn't throwing up or being over fed.....and worth your stress reduction. He said he is doing his best so if his best isn't good enough then time to make a change.

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SchmidtyBaby
by on May. 4, 2012 at 1:10 AM
Good suggestion I will !


Quoting krys1025:

Have you seperately the bottles into 1.5-2oz increments for him already??

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SchmidtyBaby
by on May. 4, 2012 at 1:17 AM
I can never remember all of the times for storage because I'm not the one using the pumped BM. I need to print the guidelines and put then in the fridge for him. I'd hoped he would Eventually do this once he realized he needed to know this info daily. I am so disappointed that he has taken this approach.


Quoting shelley11709:

Store your stash somewhere else. Only freeze or make bottles in 2oz increments. I would pre make all bottles needed for while you are gone. (frozen milk is good for 24 hrs in the fridge after thawing). If you want him to read an article sit down and read it with him.

After we first had out baby my Dh refused to listen to anything I said about taking care of baby, part of it was how I was presenting it and part of it was him freaking out that we just had a baby. Some men take not being the main bread winner as a blow to their manhood. He may love taking care of your LO but it could bruise his ego a bit. He could also take you telling him he is over feeding and wasting BM as a critisim of how he is doing taking care of your dd. I say try to talk about what's going on with him and try explaining to him in a different way about over feeding. Maybe take a day to show him that it's not that easy to pump as much as is needed or asynchronous as he is using.

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SchmidtyBaby
by on May. 4, 2012 at 1:23 AM
Unfortunately we went to the pedi yesterday and I didn't bring it up. I was preoccupied with other questions and the immunizations. (DD is at the 50th percentile for weight and height and right on target.) We don't go back for 2 more mionths.


Quoting esrice:

Great advice from the other Mamas. If he still doesn't get it, make sure you both go to her next check up and address is with her pedi. Maybe hearing it from a doctor would get through to him. Good luck mama.

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SchmidtyBaby
by on May. 4, 2012 at 1:24 AM
Great ideas! Thanks for the links.


Quoting Gruntlings:

He's over feeding her. EVEN IF she's that hungry, he is over-feeding her in a way that will destroy your supply. Print this out: http://nurshable.com/2011/12/29/the-one-ounce-per-hour-rule-of-bottle-feeding/  Ask him to listen to you while you read it. It's sabotage of his child's food source, and it's a waste of your nutrients. He says "pump more". That's not possible. Period. He's sabotaging his child's food supply because he doesn't want to educate himself.

http://nurshable.com/2012/01/10/overfeeding-a-baby-with-a-bottle-vs-the-breast/  this explains why the "feed baby what baby wants" advice is terrible when it comes to breastfed babies and bottles. Print. Read out loud.

This could be a solution for the "he over-feeds" issue. But it might also cause problems in your marriage or result in him giving your child formula: http://www.google.com/products/catalog?hl=en&q=locking+freezer&bav=on.2,or.r_gc.r_pw.r_cp.r_qf.,cf.osb&biw=1387&bih=1102&um=1&ie=UTF-8&tbm=shop&cid=2300739967819770739&sa=X&ei=LgajT57ELqfN6QGj5YwW&ved=0CHsQ8wIwAA  It is an inexpensive locking freezer. Leave out just enough for the day. Take the keys with you. Be aware that if he's hell bent on feeding her whenever she cries, then he's likely to buy and use formula.

See if he'll be willing to baby-wear. Putting a baby in a wrap pretty much guarantees that baby will sleep most of the day. Also see if he'll be willing to learn to use his pinky finger as a pacifier for the baby if the baby refuses a regular pacifier or if you prefer not to use one.

Something has to change, though. What he's doing is not good for the baby. He's over-loading the baby's system with more milk than the baby can handle. This has long term and short term health consequences.



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