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worried about my lo..pls help

Posted by on May. 4, 2012 at 7:04 PM
  • 10 Replies
This lo is my 4th child and I understand each child is different. I understand importance of meeting her needs. I co sleep, baby wear, sahm, bf, BA in human dev, 12yr child care experiance. We do play groups...she loves it...she loves people..just dont touch her.
I posted in March my concern of her not letting AnYOne hold her, watch her, or care for her. She is almost 8mo and it is not getting better. My dh barely can soothe her. This does not feel right to me. I dont understand why she wont trust others. I constantly meet her needs; happliy. Im going back to work in a few months. How in the hell will she survive? I left her for 15 min today at the YMCA she balled so hard she broke out in hives.
What am i
going to do? Ive never experianced this...have you?
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by on May. 4, 2012 at 7:04 PM
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Replies (1-10):
maggiemom2000
by Ruby Member on May. 4, 2012 at 7:30 PM
3 moms liked this

I'm not hearing anything outside of the range of "normal" in what you write. Also, I'd EXPECT it to get worse at around 8 months old. Prime separation anxiety age!

When you need to go back to work it WILL work out. Just know that. Keep holding her close and doing what you are doing. You are not going to "teach" her to be more independent/less clingy. No practicing to get her used to it. If you try to, she will just cling tighter.

I say keep parenting the way you are and know that things are going to look different in a few months when you go back to work. Cross that bridge when you get to it.

mamabens
by Miranda on May. 4, 2012 at 7:33 PM

Can't add anything to what she said! ^^

maggiemom2000
by Ruby Member on May. 4, 2012 at 7:37 PM

heres a resource for you: http://www.zerotothree.org/child-development/challenging-behavior/cautious-slow-to-warm-up.html

Cautious, Slow to Warm Up Temperaments

  Jordan takes his 18-month-old, Ruben, to another child’s birthday party. Ruben resists going into the party room (but peeks in every once in awhile). Jordan coaxes Ruben to enter, but Ruben refuses to sit with the other kids and does not want anything to do with the clown! He just wants to sit on his dad’s lap and watch.  

There are many, many children who are shy or “slow to warm up,” meaning they are uneasy or cautious in new situations or with unfamiliar people. As babies, they didn’t like being held by just anyone; they wanted to be cuddled by only a few special, trusted people. As toddlers, they stay on the “sidelines” for a while, watching what others are doing until they feel comfortable enough to join in. They may have a difficult time with changes like a new child care provider, and protest when a relative they don’t see often offers a big hug.  


Think about:
No two children or families are alike.  Thinking about the following questions can help you adapt and apply the information and strategies below to the unique needs of your child and family.

  • How would you describe your temperament? What’s it like for you to meet new people or deal with a new situation? 

  • How are you similar to or different from your child in this way? How do these similarities or differences impact your relationship? 


In this resource, you will find information on:

moroccanmommy
by Robin on May. 4, 2012 at 8:40 PM
1 mom liked this
Funny.....I studied this in college..its totally different when its your lo.
Thanks!


Quoting maggiemom2000:

heres a resource for you: http://www.zerotothree.org/child-development/challenging-behavior/cautious-slow-to-warm-up.html

Cautious, Slow to Warm Up Temperaments

  Jordan takes his 18-month-old, Ruben, to another child’s birthday party. Ruben resists going into the party room (but peeks in every once in awhile). Jordan coaxes Ruben to enter, but Ruben refuses to sit with the other kids and does not want anything to do with the clown! He just wants to sit on his dad’s lap and watch.  

There are many, many children who are shy or “slow to warm up,” meaning they are uneasy or cautious in new situations or with unfamiliar people. As babies, they didn’t like being held by just anyone; they wanted to be cuddled by only a few special, trusted people. As toddlers, they stay on the “sidelines” for a while, watching what others are doing until they feel comfortable enough to join in. They may have a difficult time with changes like a new child care provider, and protest when a relative they don’t see often offers a big hug.  


Think about:
No two children or families are alike.  Thinking about the following questions can help you adapt and apply the information and strategies below to the unique needs of your child and family.

  • How would you describe your temperament? What’s it like for you to meet new people or deal with a new situation? 

  • How are you similar to or different from your child in this way? How do these similarities or differences impact your relationship? 


In this resource, you will find information on:

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preacherskid
by Silver Member on May. 4, 2012 at 8:51 PM
My older dd is one of those slow to warm up children- something family had trouble grasping because they rarely saw us. Eight months to a year was the absolute worst separation anxiety I have EVER seen, she used to scream so loud when I left you could hear her thirty or forty feet away. And that was staying home with Daddy. She grew out of it for the most part, still has her hesitant moments in new situations.
jjchick75
by Silver Member on May. 4, 2012 at 9:02 PM

I have identical twins that are 20 months old. Jazzy will go to anybody and play with them, talk to them, and love on them. Ay won't. She is in general a more cautious quiet child than her twin and her older brother. It's always been this way! There is nothing wrong with your daughter! She is just her own person and has her own personality, wants, and needs. I know sometimes it's hard for my family to understand that it takes Ay more time to warm up to be people and that 9 times out of 10 she is going to want to stay with me. But I just remind them that some children are just more stand offish than others!

mommommymomx5
by on May. 4, 2012 at 9:06 PM
My 4th is the same way, she is VERY attached to me, she rarely lets my parents or siblings hold her, she is also BF and I cosleep. I think thats normal, she is 14 mths old and it is just now getting a little better. I wouldnt be to concerned, it doesnt sound like anything bad to me.
soulofsunmama
by on May. 4, 2012 at 9:07 PM
I love this!!
You made me feel so much better to
:-)


Quoting maggiemom2000:

I'm not hearing anything outside of the range of "normal" in what you write. Also, I'd EXPECT it to get worse at around 8 months old. Prime separation anxiety age!

When you need to go back to work it WILL work out. Just know that. Keep holding her close and doing what you are doing. You are not going to "teach" her to be more independent/less clingy. No practicing to get her used to it. If you try to, she will just cling tighter.

I say keep parenting the way you are and know that things are going to look different in a few months when you go back to work. Cross that bridge when you get to it.

Posted on CafeMom Mobile
moroccanmommy
by Robin on May. 4, 2012 at 9:09 PM
I guess im just worried and stressed. I cant leave the room to pee with out her frantley screaming.
She smiles at people..talks to them..kisses kids at storytime..and will make loud noises still you look at her...just i have to be there.
I have a benefit to attend on 5/21. My aunt will have her for two/three hours. Not sure if she will make it..


Quoting mommommymomx5:

My 4th is the same way, she is VERY attached to me, she rarely lets my parents or siblings hold her, she is also BF and I cosleep. I think thats normal, she is 14 mths old and it is just now getting a little better. I wouldnt be to concerned, it doesnt sound like anything bad to me.
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mommommymomx5
by on May. 4, 2012 at 9:34 PM
Quoting moroccanmommy:




It gets better slowly. DD will stay with my parents or my hubby for a few hours but wants me most the time. Before she was a year my mom or dad couldnt even hold her without her holding her breath and crying like a crazy person!





"why do people say "grow some balls"? Balls are weak and sensitive! If you really wanna get tough, grow a vagina! Those things take a pounding!!" ~Betty White~
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