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I think I want to wean *update, page 2 of replies

Posted by on May. 7, 2012 at 12:46 AM
  • 13 Replies

yDD is 14 months. I just don't enjoy nursing her any more.

My period started again 3 months ago, and for the week before and the week of, my supply drops dramatically. Which makes yDD unhappy because she's not getting much, and me unhappy because she's an optimist who keeps chomping at the bit until I'm tender. Then my supply picks up again literally overnight, and I'm uncomfortably full for the next day or two while yDD and I readjust.

She rarely wakes up to nurse at night anymore, and refuses the breast if she sees food or anyone else eating. I'm afraid yDD won't get enough fluids or fats if I stop BFing. She's our third child (the only one I BFed) and we're not having anymore kids, and I know I'll miss BFing whenever she does wean.

My most recent goal was 2 years, but I don't think we'll make it because I just don't have the desire to BF anymore.

I'd love to have your input. I'm not sure whether I'm looking for encouragement to keep going, reassurance that wanting to give up at this point doesn't make me a bad parent, or something else altogether- I guess I just want some other POV's and opinions.

by on May. 7, 2012 at 12:46 AM
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by Gina on May. 7, 2012 at 1:40 AM
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The only bad mom is the one who beats her baby. Period. Unless you're in the habit of beating babies, you don't qualify for that badge so end of that topic, OK?

I can't speak to "enjoying" nursing because I never ever did. It was merely something that had to be done. I suppose it was more enjoyable than my current trials of dealing with a pubescent boy. (If I find out who tells them that vegetables are evil and that showers are hazardous to their health, I will gladly peel the skin off that person. SLOWLY. With a potato peeler.)

It's more than fine to set limits to whatever you feel you can handle.

by Bronze Member on May. 7, 2012 at 8:22 AM
My dd is 14 months and i had wanted to go to two years but lately i feel very frustrated with nursing too. my period finally came back a few weeks ago and my supply tanked, and my dd was difficult for that. it is spring time and we are always outside doing things and my ds is busy busy and my dd is too busy following him around to nurse often. so by the time evening rolls around dd is super crabby and clingy because she hasnt nursed all day and demands it then. i go through days of never wanting to stop and days of being done NOW. im not probably helping much except to say that you are not alone and you are certainly not a bad parent. the bigger question is, what do you feel ok with? for me, i really do want to make it to two, even with the new frustrations. so...for me to do that and still stay sane, im still trying to get two or three good nursings in a day. i hope you can find a schedule that works for you and your child. good luck!
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by on May. 7, 2012 at 8:30 AM

Feed her healthy fats like eggs and butter and you won't have to worry about her not getting enough fats.  

by Group Admin -Tabitha on May. 7, 2012 at 8:55 AM
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How about doing the dont offer dont refuse method for a bit, dont offer to nurse, just nurse when she asks, this will mean gradual weaning on HER part.  SHe may even skip a day of nursing and nurse again 3-4 times the day after that, or she may keep up nursing like she is, but atleast this way the stress is off you.

If she would rather have solids over nursing thats FINE, at her age think of nursing as that extra vitamin you would give each day, that extra burst of immunities, its not life or death.

3 nursings a day and no other sources of calcium is needed, make sure her diet is full of good fats and make each offering of food count and everything will be just fine! (whether you are nursing or not)

You did awesome, weaning now would not make you a bad parent or a horrible person at all.

by on May. 7, 2012 at 9:28 AM
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My way of approaching difficulties is this: I take out a calendar and I mark the day of "I QUIT!" (the day I'm feeling like quitting) in red. Then if I have a good day I mark it in green. I only make choices on my green days, or if I have a month of red without a single day of green.

It's easy to lose sight of how things generally are on the VERY DIFFICULT days when there are a few too many of them in a row.

If you truly are miserable and are not able to make things better for yourself thorugh things like "Nursing Manners" (There are ways to keep toddlers from biting down, pulling back, nursing until you're raw, etc.) then you've reached the point where you need to evaluate why you are continuing and see if your reasons for continuing are still valid. YOU know why you are breastfeeding. YOU are the one who knows when you've had enough or when you still want to keep going. 

Everyone has their opinions. But this is ultimately your choice to make and when you make it based on the right reasons after searching for solutions and after making sure it's not a rash decision.. It will be the right choice.

by on May. 7, 2012 at 10:52 PM

The rule i have for myself is "until it is no longer mutually beneficial" and i would say you are getting to that point.  My goal is 2 years also, and my DD is 17 months now. Im not having any of the issues that you are having, but it sounds difficult.

by Group Admin - Julia on May. 7, 2012 at 11:06 PM

I can understand. BReastfeding can be a challenge at times when they get to this age. My son is 19 months old. I struggle because he does not want very many solids, there have been days where he literally has maybe one bite of food and thats it. There have been nights he keeps waking up to nurse. There have been times when my nipples have been so sore because I have my cycle now (stupid hormones! lol). I personally am not stopping. Today in fact was a busy day. He refused to eat any foods and was nurtsing a lot in the sling while we were at the park at a birthday party (*seriously he felt like a newborn). Then I got home to settle down and sat and nursed him and actually relaxed and just looked at him while nursing! I have not done that in  a long time because I have been busy nursing and multitasking! I have been busy and breastfeeding can feel like it gets in the way! He is most likely my last child too as my DH wants to get a vasectomy.  I LOVE nursing to so much, even with its frustration! I weaned my other two permaturely (at around age 2) because I was having trouble tandem nursing, so this time I decided to try and allow wait until he self weans.  I am pretty stubborn person, so I am not going to throw in the towel just yet. My suggestion is to maybe write a list of all the reasons to continue. Don't write down any negatives at all, just positive things about continueing where you are at. I also suggest to just relax and nurse without any distractions for you. Enjoy those moments! They dont' last and you will miss it! I think right now you are just in a moment where you are frustrated, and its hard to see that you will actually miss it.

Also, let me say that when I weaned my first two around two years old, it was the hardest thing I ever had to go through and put my kids through. It was a hard decision to make, and I don't regret it either, I just am sad that we were in that situation. I know many moms who successfully have tandem nursed, even with all the challenged. For my first it was the hardest because he was so attached to nursing. I knew he was not ready to wean, and I did my best to try. Then I decide I could not continue and weaned, and felt guilty and tried nursing again after he was already weaned. He was so happyt and that last for a few days and then I realized that I was back at square one and could not continue, so I had to wean him twice! So, before making a decision, you really really need to be 100% certain. That is why I suggest doing these things before deciding on weaning.

One more thang. Children do go through phases of nursing. Like I said with my son he is at the phase where he is nursing like a newborn. I know there are also phases when nursing a toddler, or preschooler, where they are nursing very few times a day as well.

by Group Admin -Tabitha on May. 8, 2012 at 10:58 AM

HUGS momma hows it going today?

by on May. 8, 2012 at 11:02 AM

by mel on May. 8, 2012 at 11:16 AM
Totally up to you! I've had rough days and miserable days and great days with breastfeeding. Right now I'm in a rough month. And there are alot of days when I wanted my 30 month old to wean. But for me it just takes clearing the clouds away and trying to think level headed why we're still nursing. Ultimately by her still asking me shes saying she still needs it.
I agree with Tabi trying the dont offer don't refuse and see how that goes. Try to step back and evaluate your relationship with her and her and your needs right now.
Good luck.
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