Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Breastfeeding Moms Breastfeeding Moms

twins fighting while nursing, mom wants to wean

Posted by on May. 7, 2012 at 9:01 PM
  • 7 Replies

i am nursing my 17 month old twin dd and have been lucky enough to have minimal problems. because of this, my friend who is nursing her 16 month old b/g twins and she comes to me often with questions.

today she said that the babies pull each others hair and seem 'very jealous' of each other while tandem nursing and she is thinking she should wean them to stop the fighting. she said if she bf them separately there aren't any issues but for the last 4 days she's weaned them only in the morning and at night and today only in the morning.

she said neither of them want to stop and they climb on her lap and pull on her shirt and cry their eyes out when she refuses to let them nurse. she is upset and feels guilty and is now questioning her decision. she doesn't have a lot of support and lives across the country from me so i can't help her much except through fb.

i told her there are certainly benefits of continuing but the final decision is hers. (we are standing firm on child-led weaning with our girls but i understand this is not for everone. it took me a LONG time to understand this, but i try to not get so connected with other people's nursing relationships) at 10 months she said she didn't know if she wanted to bf any longer. her ds1 is 3 1/2 and she never nursed him once because she just didn't feel like it. she loves nursing now but i think the duration is getting ot her a little bit.

i told her that a lot of times, moms who force their children to wean because of their own issues often regret it once the child has fully weaned. i told her to pray on it, and make sure that whatever decision she makes, make sure it's one she can live with.

along with that, i told her the fighting while nursing should be addressed as if they were fighting at any other time. i don't think the nursing is the issue and i think they need to be disciplined weather it's talking to them, time outs, etc. not sure how she'll respond but i was polite and objective as possible. did i miss anything other than address the fighting rather than nursing and pray on it? anyone else out there nusing twin toddlers who fight whie tandem bf? tips and tricks? thanks!!

Lilypie Breastfeeding tickers
by on May. 7, 2012 at 9:01 PM
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Replies (1-7):
JamieLyn822
by on May. 7, 2012 at 9:06 PM
Wonder why she doesn't just nurse them individually?
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
gdiamante
by Group Mod - Gina on May. 7, 2012 at 9:13 PM
1 mom liked this

I would tell her to nurse them individually as well. She already knows how to fix the problem, she's jus tnot wanting to do it and I can understand that. It takes longer, certainly. So she needs to make a tough decision... spend more time on nursing or deal with the weaning problem.

Otherwise, you were spot on perfect.

shelley11709
by Bronze Member on May. 7, 2012 at 9:16 PM
I think the same would apply as teaching one baby nursing manners. As soon as they start fighting unlatch say no fighting and put the down for a few minutes and try again. They will learn fighting=no boob.
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
Precious333
by Group Mod-Julia on May. 7, 2012 at 9:17 PM
I would say the same, and if she decides to nurse together and if they start fighting to stop the nursing session. This is nursing mannrs and we all come across some sort of situation as such. It does not mean you have to wean, just address the bad behavoir.
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
twinsmom12110
by on May. 7, 2012 at 10:33 PM

she said she tries to nurse them individually but the child who isn't yet nursing will notice and come up, want to nurse and hit the sibling who is already nursing. i asked her if she's still using her twins nursing pillow and she said no. i told her we still use ours and it seems to give the kids the space they desire and she hasn't gotten back to me yet. she said she does still want to nurse because she knows its best for them but the fighting/jealousy is getting to her. also, she's a marine wife and her hubby was deployed for the first 8 months of her ds1's life and a lot of time since then, this is the first time he's been there for the birth/pareting period and he's not exactly pro bf. he's not against it, he's just uninformed and doesn't see why it's worth it, especially at 16 months. i think he means well, as in "well you've gone this far so be proud and don't get down on yourself if you want to stop" type of thing but it just stinks she doesn't have more support. she said if one cries, she'll go get him/her as quick as possible so they dont wake the other up but then if they do she gets super stressed. i still try to tandem as much as possible so i dont understand why she doesnt want to use the pillow. she said its more hassle than its worth. to me, keeping nursing the babies is more than worth it so i dont know. i just hope if she wants to stop she doesnt blame it on the babies like a lot of moms do and she can just be proud and say she wanted to stop. and if she does want to keep going i hope she can find the strength and patience to get through this. she's a marine wife so that's pretty much as strong as they come in my opinion :) i'll mention nursing manners to her and see if that helps at all. thanks so much for all the help so far! you ladies never let me down! :D

gdiamante
by Group Mod - Gina on May. 8, 2012 at 9:41 AM
2 moms liked this


Quoting twinsmom12110:

she said she tries to nurse them individually but the child who isn't yet nursing will notice and come up, want to nurse and hit the sibling who is already nursing.

And that's where she uses whatever technique she already uses for when they do this over something else. There is nothing so magical about nursing that it's exempt from normal expectations. If one child hits another for a toy, what does she do? She's to do that HERE.

i asked her if she's still using her twins nursing pillow and she said no. i told her we still use ours and it seems to give the kids the space they desire and she hasn't gotten back to me yet. she said she does still want to nurse because she knows its best for them but the fighting/jealousy is getting to her. also, she's a marine wife and her hubby was deployed for the first 8 months of her ds1's life and a lot of time since then, this is the first time he's been there for the birth/pareting period and he's not exactly pro bf. he's not against it, he's just uninformed and doesn't see why it's worth it, especially at 16 months. i think he means well, as in "well you've gone this far so be proud and don't get down on yourself if you want to stop" type of thing but it just stinks she doesn't have more support.

Bitter truth... that's pretty darned good support compared to most husbands. Really, the only support she needs is the kind that comes from within. 

she said if one cries, she'll go get him/her as quick as possible so they dont wake the other up but then if they do she gets super stressed. i still try to tandem as much as possible so i dont understand why she doesnt want to use the pillow. she said its more hassle than its worth. to me, keeping nursing the babies is more than worth it so i dont know. i just hope if she wants to stop she doesnt blame it on the babies like a lot of moms do and she can just be proud and say she wanted to stop. and if she does want to keep going i hope she can find the strength and patience to get through this. she's a marine wife so that's pretty much as strong as they come in my opinion :) i'll mention nursing manners to her and see if that helps at all. thanks so much for all the help so far! you ladies never let me down! :D

She also needs to know if she wants to stop, she owes NO ONE an explanation save the Woman In Her Mirror. That is the ONLY person she ever needs to answer to all her life. Not her kids, not her parents, not her husband. Just the Woman In Her Mirror. If you have the support of that Woman, nothing else matters. If you DON'T have the support of that Woman, nothing else matters! This is the support that comes from within and the only support that's truly worth a damn.

tabi_cat1023
by Group Mod - Tabitha on May. 8, 2012 at 10:48 AM

I think if they start to fight while nursing she should stop the nursing at that point.  I dont think weaning will stop the fighting necessarily.

Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)