Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Breastfeeding Moms Breastfeeding Moms

This transition is hard on both of us

Posted by on Jun. 10, 2012 at 11:27 PM
  • 34 Replies
My dd is 2 and a half and still nurses to fall asleep. Its becoming clear that this is more out of habit than her getting anything out of me. Its a struggle for me, emotionally but I'm trying to come to terms with the guilt I seem to be feeling.
She, on the other hand, doesn't know what to do with herself. She wants to nurse for a few minutes, on and off and on and off and she rolls around and plays and laughs and it makes my blood boil. Seriously. By the end of the day I am ready for my alone time. Its now taking her nearly 2 full hours to fall asleep. I leave the room cause she's too distracted, and that doesn't help. She just plays alone. I come in to remind her its bedtime and she thinks I'm playing hide and seek and laughs. I get more angry. Its not funny. I need a break. She asks for Nummies, I give in, it starts over. If I say no she just screams. I am at a loss but feeling this angry over her taking so long to fall asleep is not okay. Idk what to do. Tonight it took 2 full hours and she ended up falling asleep with out it but only after I yelled at her a few times while I sat at the end of her bed. I don't like her days ending like this :( who wants to go to sleep while being yelled at? I swore I'd never turn into my sister and here I am. Ugh. Advice??
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
by on Jun. 10, 2012 at 11:27 PM
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Replies (1-10):
larissalarie
by Platinum Member on Jun. 10, 2012 at 11:47 PM
4 moms liked this
At 2.5, you should put her to bed and leave the room (after you've nursed whatever time you're willing to nurse). If she plays and carries on for hours, ignore her as long as she stays in her room. Going in over & over trying to make her go to sleep is just disruptive and makes it both a game and a power struggle....2 things you never want to get into with a 2 year old! If she comes out of her room, you simply say "it's bed time now" and take her straight back to bed without any other drama or antics. If she screams and goes on, ignore it like you would any other tantrum. Letting a 2.5 year old who has started fighting sleep cry is NOT the same as letting an infant CIO. She's fully capable of understanding what bedtime is all about she's just trying to get her way and control you, so it's not like a helpless baby crying to communicate the only way they can.
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
KenzieQsMommy
by on Jun. 11, 2012 at 12:38 AM
Thank you.
How do I convince myself (don't laugh lol) that its not the same as cio? Cause I really feel awful. I start crying. We had a video monitor which would really come in handy right now but it died. Should I bite the bullet and buy a new one (we are ttc in the fall so we'll need one anyway eventually) or should I get over it? I watch TV downstairs and her room is at the top of the stairs. And she eventually starts crying for her nummies and falls asleep with them if I give in so I'm very conflicted.
Sorry I'm just so lost right now with this new and very confusing routine.


Quoting larissalarie:

At 2.5, you should put her to bed and leave the room (after you've nursed whatever time you're willing to nurse). If she plays and carries on for hours, ignore her as long as she stays in her room. Going in over & over trying to make her go to sleep is just disruptive and makes it both a game and a power struggle....2 things you never want to get into with a 2 year old! If she comes out of her room, you simply say "it's bed time now" and take her straight back to bed without any other drama or antics. If she screams and goes on, ignore it like you would any other tantrum. Letting a 2.5 year old who has started fighting sleep cry is NOT the same as letting an infant CIO. She's fully capable of understanding what bedtime is all about she's just trying to get her way and control you, so it's not like a helpless baby crying to communicate the only way they can.

Posted on CafeMom Mobile
aehanrahan
by Group Mod - Amy on Jun. 11, 2012 at 12:40 AM
Is she playing around while nursing? Have you started teaching nursing manners? Don't allow any behavior that you don't like while she's nursing. If she starts playing or doing something that you don't like, tell her you don't like it, stop nursing and leave the room.
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
larissalarie
by Platinum Member on Jun. 11, 2012 at 12:44 AM
I think if you're annoyed, angry, and yelling, it's time to stick to your new thing. Think about it this way, what's worse her crying because she's trying to get you to give her her way or you wavering becoming angry and yelling at her? With what you're doing now, she's getting mixed messages along with Mommy being angry. That's way worse than letting an angry toddler cry. I totally get how hard it is to say no, but just remind yourself it's for the greater good.

Quoting KenzieQsMommy:

Thank you.

How do I convince myself (don't laugh lol) that its not the same as cio? Cause I really feel awful. I start crying. We had a video monitor which would really come in handy right now but it died. Should I bite the bullet and buy a new one (we are ttc in the fall so we'll need one anyway eventually) or should I get over it? I watch TV downstairs and her room is at the top of the stairs. And she eventually starts crying for her nummies and falls asleep with them if I give in so I'm very conflicted.

Sorry I'm just so lost right now with this new and very confusing routine.




Quoting larissalarie:

At 2.5, you should put her to bed and leave the room (after you've nursed whatever time you're willing to nurse). If she plays and carries on for hours, ignore her as long as she stays in her room. Going in over & over trying to make her go to sleep is just disruptive and makes it both a game and a power struggle....2 things you never want to get into with a 2 year old! If she comes out of her room, you simply say "it's bed time now" and take her straight back to bed without any other drama or antics. If she screams and goes on, ignore it like you would any other tantrum. Letting a 2.5 year old who has started fighting sleep cry is NOT the same as letting an infant CIO. She's fully capable of understanding what bedtime is all about she's just trying to get her way and control you, so it's not like a helpless baby crying to communicate the only way they can.

Posted on CafeMom Mobile
Brandy85412
by on Jun. 11, 2012 at 12:44 AM
1 mom liked this
My 2 year old is like this too. She's not nursing but I have to lay with her. I hate myself when I get so upset with her. So I understand.
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
KenzieQsMommy
by on Jun. 11, 2012 at 1:02 AM
Very true. I'd rather her cry cause she's not getting her way and tired than she's not getting her way, tired, and being yelled at. Uggghh. I have so much pressure to wean that weaning makes me sad and feel very guilty. I'm giving up the thing I have so fiercely defended and I'm going to have to hear two words that quite frankly piss me off. 'Good' and 'finally'.
And she's still my baby and this makes me sad. Argh.


Quoting larissalarie:

I think if you're annoyed, angry, and yelling, it's time to stick to your new thing. Think about it this way, what's worse her crying because she's trying to get you to give her her way or you wavering becoming angry and yelling at her? With what you're doing now, she's getting mixed messages along with Mommy being angry. That's way worse than letting an angry toddler cry. I totally get how hard it is to say no, but just remind yourself it's for the greater good.



Quoting KenzieQsMommy:

Thank you.


How do I convince myself (don't laugh lol) that its not the same as cio? Cause I really feel awful. I start crying. We had a video monitor which would really come in handy right now but it died. Should I bite the bullet and buy a new one (we are ttc in the fall so we'll need one anyway eventually) or should I get over it? I watch TV downstairs and her room is at the top of the stairs. And she eventually starts crying for her nummies and falls asleep with them if I give in so I'm very conflicted.


Sorry I'm just so lost right now with this new and very confusing routine.






Quoting larissalarie:

At 2.5, you should put her to bed and leave the room (after you've nursed whatever time you're willing to nurse). If she plays and carries on for hours, ignore her as long as she stays in her room. Going in over & over trying to make her go to sleep is just disruptive and makes it both a game and a power struggle....2 things you never want to get into with a 2 year old! If she comes out of her room, you simply say "it's bed time now" and take her straight back to bed without any other drama or antics. If she screams and goes on, ignore it like you would any other tantrum. Letting a 2.5 year old who has started fighting sleep cry is NOT the same as letting an infant CIO. She's fully capable of understanding what bedtime is all about she's just trying to get her way and control you, so it's not like a helpless baby crying to communicate the only way they can.


Posted on CafeMom Mobile
homemama1
by on Jun. 11, 2012 at 1:13 AM
1 mom liked this


Quoting aehanrahan:

Is she playing around while nursing? Have you started teaching nursing manners? Don't allow any behavior that you don't like while she's nursing. If she starts playing or doing something that you don't like, tell her you don't like it, stop nursing and leave the room.

This. Other than leaving the room. I'd stay with her personally, I would just stop the nursing until she was ready to be calm again.

Try to teach her manners, and at her age a "Don't offer, don't refuse" policy is fine. She is still just a toddler, and espcially at this stage where she is growing more independent she may be overhwelmed during the day with all the new things she is leanring and processing and nursing with you may be her way of collecting and calming herself.  Just work on manners and helping her get better. :)

gdiamante
by Group Mod - Gina on Jun. 11, 2012 at 1:29 AM


Quoting KenzieQsMommy:

Thank you.
How do I convince myself (don't laugh lol) that its not the same as cio?
Is she crying? If she's not, it's not CIO. I went to sleep the same way your daughter does. She may be wanting you to go away so she can get to her fun, darn it all. **grin**
Cause I really feel awful. I start crying. We had a video monitor which would really come in handy right now but it died. Should I bite the bullet and buy a new one (we are ttc in the fall so we'll need one anyway eventually) or should I get over it? I watch TV downstairs and her room is at the top of the stairs. And she eventually starts crying for her nummies and falls asleep with them if I give in so I'm very conflicted.
Sorry I'm just so lost right now with this new and very confusing routine.
Is dad around? Put him in charge of this. You cease to exist once she goes to bed.
gdiamante
by Group Mod - Gina on Jun. 11, 2012 at 1:32 AM
3 moms liked this


Quoting KenzieQsMommy:

Very true. I'd rather her cry cause she's not getting her way and tired than she's not getting her way, tired, and being yelled at. Uggghh. I have so much pressure to wean that weaning makes me sad and feel very guilty. I'm giving up the thing I have so fiercely defended and I'm going to have to hear two words that quite frankly piss me off. 'Good' and 'finally'.
And she's still my baby and this makes me sad. Argh.

Are you weaning because YOU want to or because others want you to?

If the former, then you have nothing to defend. If the latter, there are two wrods of your own I want you to use LIBERALLY. "F*ck OFF."  And no, I really don't give a flying f*ck to whom you say them; sometimes you have to hit the mule over the head to get its attention!

larissalarie
by Platinum Member on Jun. 11, 2012 at 1:34 AM
Absolutely! If you are feeling forced to wean, tell "them" to go to hell! If you want this, then just stick to it.
Quoting gdiamante:


Quoting KenzieQsMommy:

Very true. I'd rather her cry cause she's not getting her way and tired than she's not getting her way, tired, and being yelled at. Uggghh. I have so much pressure to wean that weaning makes me sad and feel very guilty. I'm giving up the thing I have so fiercely defended and I'm going to have to hear two words that quite frankly piss me off. 'Good' and 'finally'.

And she's still my baby and this makes me sad. Argh.


Are you weaning because YOU want to or because others want you to?

If the former, then you have nothing to defend. If the latter, there are two wrods of your own I want you to use LIBERALLY. "F*ck OFF."  And no, I really don't give a flying f*ck to whom you say them; sometimes you have to hit the mule over the head to get its attention!

Posted on CafeMom Mobile
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)