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dh says hes worried about me...im pissed! *edit, talked with dh*

Posted by on Jun. 20, 2012 at 3:10 PM
  • 34 Replies
Apparently he thinks I "lose it bad" at night with our son who is only 11 days old! You have got to be kidding me, he's a great, sweet baby seriously. And soooo cute! I would never do or say anything about harming him. I bf at night obviously, but he will sleep for about 4 hours then eat, it takes like 2 hrs at the most because he doesn't always go back to sleep..and I've got to rock him and bouce him and walk with him while burping, mean while, dh is....sleeping? So yah! I get mad! Ill say "uggghh!" Or sigh a lot or when I finally get him to wake up he says "want me to take him" I says YES! Apparently that's. Mean? Because I'm exhausted?? Now if I wasn't totally scared id get ppd or anxiety, now I am! Jerk!
***edit
So I told dh he made me feel like I was a bad mom cause Im not always in a great mood about being woken up and staying up, and it makes me feel sad like I'm not cut out to deal with more than one child, or that he's disappointed in me. He said he never meant for me to feel that way, that he loves me and just wants me to be happy all the time so he gets worried for me. Guess it just came out wrong, cause I felt horrible..but we aredoing good now, we talked and he's taking baby more since I hold him all day cause I'm a baby hog, he says I still need space, it will help me at night :)
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by on Jun. 20, 2012 at 3:10 PM
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Replies (1-10):
robibuni
by Bronze Member on Jun. 20, 2012 at 3:16 PM
I used to go through this with DH.

Eventually I just stopped asking for help. That sounds bad but DD2 preferred me anyhow, and its not like DH could feed her since I don't pump, so eventually I stopped bugging him for help.

Once I was in a better mood, and not feeling like I wanted to kick him in the teeth, I would have a calm talk with DH about how I felt he wasn't helping enough, or he could help more around the house or with DD1. Periodically when I feel like he could do more, we'll have a conversation when I'm not upset.
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K8wizzo
by Kate on Jun. 20, 2012 at 3:18 PM
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We have a rule at our house... I take wake-ups until they hit the 2-3 hr mark without going back to bed OR if I'm frustrated OR if both kids are up.  If any of those things happen, I give myself full permission to wake my dh.  He doesn't wake up when he hears a baby cry or when he hears me sigh, it needs to be a purposeful, "Honey, I need help.  Could you please ...?"  I don't do it often after the newborn period, but when they were tiny, I needed help probably half of the nights.  Keep in my that your dh is tired, out of his element, and just trying to get through the days like you are and it's not goiong to be intuitive to him--you need to TELL him that you need help.  Just sighing isn't going to do it.

K8wizzo
by Kate on Jun. 20, 2012 at 3:20 PM
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Adding to what I said above, dh can't nurse the baby so if it's just a long nursing session it's all me.  If baby has nursed and is fussy or just awake and not in need of boobs, that's when I call in the reserves.

tansyflower
by on Jun. 20, 2012 at 3:23 PM
3 moms liked this

i think you need to tell him you need help instead of getting yourself so worked up.  my husband and i discussed what our roles would be before our next baby came along and it really helped. we tag team it in our house...i get the baby duty and he gets toddler duty.  if i had to take care of both of them at night i would be mad but he knows that its his responsibility and it all works out.

just tell him VERY specifically what you need and i swear it will get better!

ashleybgarcia
by on Jun. 20, 2012 at 3:25 PM
I agree.


Quoting tansyflower:

i think you need to tell him you need help instead of getting yourself so worked up.  my husband and i discussed what our roles would be before our next baby came along and it really helped. we tag team it in our house...i get the baby duty and he gets toddler duty.  if i had to take care of both of them at night i would be mad but he knows that its his responsibility and it all works out.

just tell him VERY specifically what you need and i swear it will get better!


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jjchick75
by Silver Member on Jun. 20, 2012 at 3:26 PM
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Tell him exactly what you need from him! Men are terrible at figuring things out lol. As far as baby remember to stay calm, they can sense you getting tense and it makes them tense and they won't sleep or stop crying if they are tense. This will pass!

SourRoses
by on Jun. 20, 2012 at 3:32 PM

i agree with the other ladies, if you need help you need to ask.  I had ppd when i had my DS and my DH worked all night so i was alone. but when he was home (even if he was sleeping) and i needed help, i hated to wake him sometimes but sometimes i really needed help,he would wake up and help me. it sucks for both parents to have a new born and other children to take care of, and most of it on the mom because of  breastfeeding and being the mom, but there is nothing wrong with asking your DH for help, and there is nothing wrong wit both parents feeling overwhelmed and exhausted. this face will end soon. just try to work together and don't expect your DH to be a mind reader because hes not. :)

lilydoyle
by on Jun. 20, 2012 at 3:37 PM
1 mom liked this

 I agree with the above ladies! Men don't know anything, unless WE tell them! I fyou need a break, tell your dh!  As long as baby doesn't need to eat, dh can take baby. Newborns are tough to deal with. Have you tried soothing music, reading aloud, or watching tv while holding/rocking baby? You need a distraction, just as baby does.


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hello_kitty25
by on Jun. 20, 2012 at 4:26 PM

 I feel a bit bad thinking about watching tv while hes screaming lol but your right, so i dont lose my mind. All the other replies are great as well, thank you everyone! This is his first baby so maybe he just thinks im supposed to sing my little pony all night long i dont know, i get stressed too! and when he says hes worried about me, it feels like hes saying hes worried that i will hurt the baby or something and that im not as good a mom and he thought i would be. hurts my feelings, i wouldnt even say bye to him when he went to school, it just made me sad.

Quoting lilydoyle:

 I agree with the above ladies! Men don't know anything, unless WE tell them! I fyou need a break, tell your dh!  As long as baby doesn't need to eat, dh can take baby. Newborns are tough to deal with. Have you tried soothing music, reading aloud, or watching tv while holding/rocking baby? You need a distraction, just as baby does.


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lilydoyle
by on Jun. 20, 2012 at 4:37 PM

 Another thing: have you talked to the pedi about all the screaming? Baby could have colic; is baby constipated, or have trouble pooping?

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