Ilike like nursing a new child! Seriously! Its that inbetween stage of being a baby and being a kid. This is my third child and I still feel like I'm learning it all over again. I asked a friend her opinion since she nursed her older child until he was 5 yrs old. She says that she never refuses to nurse, because that is where comfort and acceptance are, and that should always be available. But could it also be seen as a reward when they are having a fit? This is what I struggle with. I want to address the bad behavoir, but maybe sometimes during their meltdown they need a calm safe place to regroup. I don't want to encourage them into thinking that they can act a certain way, kwim?
Then there are those moments where you are in the middle of nursing and your child insists on pinching, pulklling scratching etc. Well, I definitely stop that, even though it makes him mad.
Going through the twos is a lot of work, and honestly for some reason I though it may be easier nursing though it. Maybe its just because I forgot what its like, but it certainly doesn't feel easier than with my other two children who were weaned by age 2.
What are your experiences?
(btw, I still love nursing my baby and have no plans on weaning yet. I just want to be able to learn the best way to go about this stage is all).
I instituted dn't offer don't refuse at age one. Mine was never a comfort nurser so I had to find other ways to comfort anyway.
This: I've been doing don't offer/don't refuse since dd turned 1. Now that she can "ask" for it, it makes it easier so I know when she needs it. I've been starting to refuse to nurse her if she's "throwing a fit" because she wants to nurse. We're trying to get her ask nicely for things right now.
Quoting gdiamante:I instituted dn't offer don't refuse at age one. Mine was never a comfort nurser so I had to find other ways to comfort anyway.
thats what I need to decide on and make a decision about. Do I say yes whenever he asks to nurse or do I refuse for certain circumstances? I want to be consistant, I just am not sure yet what boundaries to make. I already know that I will not nurse if my baby is beating me up (pinching scratching etc while I am nursing).
Quoting mollysmom328:
This: I've been doing don't offer/don't refuse since dd turned 1. Now that she can "ask" for it, it makes it easier so I know when she needs it. I've been starting to refuse to nurse her if she's "throwing a fit" because she wants to nurse. We're trying to get her ask nicely for things right now.
Quoting gdiamante:
I instituted dn't offer don't refuse at age one. Mine was never a comfort nurser so I had to find other ways to comfort anyway.
Yeah, I chose to say no if she's throwing a fit (only if the fit is about nursing) because it got to the point where she would practically undress in my public. I couldn't have her ripping my boobs out of my shirt at the store lol. It just depends on what your comfort level is and what expectations you want to give.
Quoting Precious333:thats what I need to decide on and make a decision about. Do I say yes whenever he asks to nurse or do I refuse for certain circumstances? I want to be consistant, I just am not sure yet what boundaries to make. I already know that I will not nurse if my baby is beating me up (pinching scratching etc while I am nursing).
Quoting mollysmom328:
This: I've been doing don't offer/don't refuse since dd turned 1. Now that she can "ask" for it, it makes it easier so I know when she needs it. I've been starting to refuse to nurse her if she's "throwing a fit" because she wants to nurse. We're trying to get her ask nicely for things right now.
Quoting gdiamante:
I instituted dn't offer don't refuse at age one. Mine was never a comfort nurser so I had to find other ways to comfort anyway.
maybe thats what I need to do. I would like him to ask first, but I understand that that may not always be reasonable, especially when emotions are high, and if I just don't allow tantrums because of nursing than that could be a direct consequence. I dont' want to get stuck in using nursing as a way of manipulation either (like you obey me and you can nurse and you disobey me and y ou can't, kwim?)
Quoting mollysmom328:
Yeah, I chose to say no if she's throwing a fit (only if the fit is about nursing) because it got to the point where she would practically undress in my public. I couldn't have her ripping my boobs out of my shirt at the store lol. It just depends on what your comfort level is and what expectations you want to give.
Quoting Precious333:
thats what I need to decide on and make a decision about. Do I say yes whenever he asks to nurse or do I refuse for certain circumstances? I want to be consistant, I just am not sure yet what boundaries to make. I already know that I will not nurse if my baby is beating me up (pinching scratching etc while I am nursing).
Quoting mollysmom328:
This: I've been doing don't offer/don't refuse since dd turned 1. Now that she can "ask" for it, it makes it easier so I know when she needs it. I've been starting to refuse to nurse her if she's "throwing a fit" because she wants to nurse. We're trying to get her ask nicely for things right now.
Quoting gdiamante:
I instituted dn't offer don't refuse at age one. Mine was never a comfort nurser so I had to find other ways to comfort anyway.
Oh, I totally get it and trust me, it doesn't ALWAYS work. Most of the time she pretty calmly walks up to me and says "boobie" or if I'm holding her. I wouldn't look at it as manipulation and obeying, I look at it as another way of teaching manners. Nursing wouldn't be the reward for doing something good, just like displaying manners for anything else.
Quoting Precious333:maybe thats what I need to do. I would like him to ask first, but I understand that that may not always be reasonable, especially when emotions are high, and if I just don't allow tantrums because of nursing than that could be a direct consequence. I dont' want to get stuck in using nursing as a way of manipulation either (like you obey me and you can nurse and you disobey me and y ou can't, kwim?)
Quoting mollysmom328:
Yeah, I chose to say no if she's throwing a fit (only if the fit is about nursing) because it got to the point where she would practically undress in my public. I couldn't have her ripping my boobs out of my shirt at the store lol. It just depends on what your comfort level is and what expectations you want to give.
Quoting Precious333:
thats what I need to decide on and make a decision about. Do I say yes whenever he asks to nurse or do I refuse for certain circumstances? I want to be consistant, I just am not sure yet what boundaries to make. I already know that I will not nurse if my baby is beating me up (pinching scratching etc while I am nursing).
Quoting mollysmom328:
This: I've been doing don't offer/don't refuse since dd turned 1. Now that she can "ask" for it, it makes it easier so I know when she needs it. I've been starting to refuse to nurse her if she's "throwing a fit" because she wants to nurse. We're trying to get her ask nicely for things right now.
Quoting gdiamante:
I instituted dn't offer don't refuse at age one. Mine was never a comfort nurser so I had to find other ways to comfort anyway.
If my son wants to nurse and I can't or won't because of the situation, then his throwing a tantrum won't change that. If I've already said no, I won't change my answer.
Tantrums are usually an expression of frustration, overstimulation, or over tiredness, not really bad behavior. Helping by giving them words and te opportunity to refocus is not reinforcing bad behavior, it's helping them learn tools to cope.
As for boundaries, and the right times/places to nurse, that's really individual and there is no one right way. I personally have no issue nursing most places, regardless of age, if it were a circumstance where I would nurse at home.
Quoting lifetimelove:
How would you normally respond to a tantrum if you weren't nursing? I believe in responding with comfort and love and redirection. Isn't that what nursing is?
It depends. My initial response is what you have said, however there are circumstances where I will ignore them and walk away. I have dealt witrh that with my second child who would have a fit so bad that when I would go over to try and hug and consule him he would kick and scream at me, so I learned to let him have his moment and then I would comfort him afterwards.
If my son wants to nurse and I can't or won't because of the situation, then his throwing a tantrum won't change that. If I've already said no, I won't change my answer.
Tantrums are usually an expression of frustration, overstimulation, or over tiredness, not really bad behavior. Helping by giving them words and te opportunity to refocus is not reinforcing bad behavior, it's helping them learn tools to cope.
yes in most cases, sometimes it can be because the child is stubborn and wants something he can't have. I have had a well rested child who was just fed throw a fit because he could not have something he wanted.
As for boundaries, and the right times/places to nurse, that's really individual and there is no one right way. I personally have no issue nursing most places, regardless of age, if it were a circumstance where I would nurse at home.I was thinking more of setting boundaries in situations where your toddler is beating you up while nursing (for instance my son fixates on a little mole I have on my arm and made me bleed once, so that is off limits. If he cannot respect that boundary I do set him down and will stop nursing him.
You know you have a bf baby when...
- Precious333
on Jul. 18, 2012 at 1:19 PM