meh, i feel guilty but i think this might be my ending of bf;ing
here's my story i have a 6 1/2 mos old & i ep. i did nurse him as a nb & it was ok for a bit but he had issues he was tounge tied ( we got that clipped) but then either it was natural for him or just wrong idk.. i tried to nunrse more than pump.. i wanted to pump for extra but when i put him down e screamed he was VERY difficult to nurse & i have a very jealous & active soon to be 4 yr oold & found i cannot commit to a nursing lifestyle. so i slowy began to ep sometimes i would still put ds on me to keep my supply up, to help when i felt a blocked duct or soemthinmg which woudl happen in my over supply stages before i reulated.. i was pumping llike 4-5 pzs combined ..
well now it suddenly dropped like a month ago to like i guess aht im told a normal supply but to bottle feed him ts not ok.. it was like .5-1.5 tops so i had to supp w/ formula & i was "ok: with that as long as i knew he was still mostly getting bm & all since with ds1 i was all dry by 2 mos.. so this was success for me already! lol
but know its becoming more & more form than bm.. basically all i do is pump for his cereal & solids. =/
id love to be a nursing mom i wihs i could just do that on demand i know if i can pump that much then i must have enough for him.. but several things
1. he is probaly nipple comfused now he will go on & latch but if he is really hungry he will get frustraed & cry he will nurse if not so hungry or just wanting to suckle.. i like the bond still & he is my last baby so i sorta feel sad to let go..
but also 2.. i know i cant commit to nursing.. maybe im selfish idk.. but im just not that mom.. i admit i love the freedom of bottles to give dh or his grandparents family loves to feed him & i like the break.. also yes, he will drink more from a bottle & go longer inbetween feedings so i can tend easier to my ds1 & the hosue or anythng else.
i just view nursing as them being on you every 2 hrs & 3-4 hrs w/ a bottle is hard enough, maybe i just have low patience idk... im tired & always feel i have no time.
i envy those who do that but idk what to do.. im being sloppy w/ pumping lately the past few days i got hrs w/o pumping & get the same output no more, no less the same im tired of pumping to get such a small amt it feels usless when he is getting mroe formula & i pump like an oz.
i fear if i just stop ill get mastits or somrthin they say you cant just stop.. yet im mixed in my feelings i also fear stopping bc i think if i do dry up thats really it! & i guess im just not fully sure what i want yet.
i WANT to nurse but i do not think i can commit to that lifestyle.. pumping isnt working anymore for him for what he takes & i dont want to confuse him putting him on me then not...
ugh i knowits a support grp so ill probably get suportive advice to help increase or whatnot but in all honestly im also wondering does it sounds like i shoud just stop?
am i wrong abotu the nursing? how do you all do that with other kids? is it realy 2 hrs 3 tops inbetween feeding???? idk how ppl do that
ugh sorry so long & whiny & all over the place im just so confused & idk what to do at this point.