need advice

[Titana]

So ftm here and my baby girl is 2 wks old today. I am bfing and I have to say I love it! I do however have some questions so if u can give me any advice I would appreciate it!

1) I do not like giving Kaylee a paci but my mil seems to think it is necessary and does it every chance she gets. (She seems to come to our house almost every day now UGH) When Kaylee has had the paci she seems to not want to latch on at first. She will still latch but it takes some patience. Before she had the paci it was never an issue. Is there anything I can do other than flip crap on my mil?

2) I have not pumped at all but I own a pump. I am worried that if I pump and Kaylee gets a bottle she will not was to bf anymore. Advice or experiences please!

3) I take a lot of crap from my mil about bfing. She seems to think it is selfish of me to only bf. On top of that she keeps telling me I have to bottle feed Kaylee so she can babysitter her. Well forgive me but I do not plan to have anyone babysitter her for a while let alone her. I just don't really know how to approach her or even talk to Justin (the man lol) about it. Advice please!

[Autumn355]

Bf babies really shouldnt have a paci for atleast the first month because it can mess up babys latch, its called nipple confusion. The way they suck on the paci or bottle nipple is diff then on breast and can become very painful for you:( plus bf babies pacify on momma. It can be very difficult dealing with inlaws, all parents actually. The best advice I can give you is to become as knowledgeable as you can about bfing, that way when anyone gives you crap about it you can reply with facts and the more you know the more confident you will be that you are doing the right thing. This group will definitely help you there, as well as kellymom.com and there are some good books on the subject also. Good luck and practice you nod n smile, it will come in handy;)

[Titana]

Lol thank u! I plan to get hide of all the paci in the house in a place she won't find. I really want Kaylee to be ebf. Lucky for me I have my parents in my corner so that helps a lot. I did not know about the website but I will check it out! :)

Quoting Autumn355:

Bf babies really shouldnt have a paci for atleast the first month because it can mess up babys latch, its called nipple confusion. The way they suck on the paci or bottle nipple is diff then on breast and can become very painful for you:( plus bf babies pacify on momma. It can be very difficult dealing with inlaws, all parents actually. The best advice I can give you is to become as knowledgeable as you can about bfing, that way when anyone gives you crap about it you can reply with facts and the more you know the more confident you will be that you are doing the right thing. This group will definitely help you there, as well as kellymom.com and there are some good books on the subject also. Good luck and practice you nod n smile, it will come in handy;)

[nicsmama09]

You are mom just gotta stand your ground. You can respectfully tell her whats up

[aehanrahan]

1) The pacifier is affecting her latch. It HAS to go in the trash immediately!
2) Pumping is a PAIN. I advise only pumping if you need to for work or school.
3) Bottles are NEVER needed.
All of these things are up to YOU, not her! You need to get it across to her that this is YOUR baby, not hers. You need to talk to Justin about this and he needs to let her know that her behavior is unacceptable and will not be tolerated.
Maybe you'll feel a bit more confident once you learn more. Definitely go to kellymom and read. The resources sticky at the top of this forum is another place to start.

[larissalarie]

1) tell your mil that the pacifier is interfering with bf and she needs to stop it or she isn't welcome to visit until she can respect your rules. Yes it's hard, but you need to establish your authority NOW or this is how it's going to be for the next 18 years and a pacifier battle will look pleasant in comparison. Time to get your backbone in place :-)

2) no need to pump & bottle feed and definitely not right now when you're having issues. If/when you do, mom NEVER gives the bottle and you keep the amounts small 3 ounces or less and only 1 ounce per hour

3) sit mil down for a heart to heart. Tell her there's absolutely nothing "selfish" about doing what's scientifically proven to be best for your baby's health and development. There is however something selfish about wanting less than the best for her grandchild for no reason other than her own selfish wants! Explain that you breastfeeding is in no way judging her or any other formula feeding mom, it's just something you want to give your baby. But her undermining you and being unsupportive, calling you SELFISH IS judgmental & rude and needs to stop. She's only showing her own insecurity by behaving this way. Tell her you know she loves and desires a relationship with her grandchild and you desire that as well, however her current behavior is going to force you to put up boundaries and keep her at a distance, so if she wants that good relationship she needs to start respecting that you are the parent, NOT her.

[Baby_Avas_Momma]

Couldn't agree more than what they said!! ^^
Stand your ground mama, you're doing a great job!! And congrats!! :)

[Titana]

Thank u all for the advice! I know u r all right and I just have to stand up and put my foot down. I'm sure it will be an ugly battle but I know I will win because I am mommy. It's just going to be rough for a while I guess.

[maggiemom2000]

Quoting Titana:

So ftm here and my baby girl is 2 wks old today. I am bfing and I have to say I love it! I do however have some questions so if u can give me any advice I would appreciate it!

1) I do not like giving Kaylee a paci but my mil seems to think it is necessary and does it every chance she gets. (She seems to come to our house almost every day now UGH) When Kaylee has had the paci she seems to not want to latch on at first. She will still latch but it takes some patience. Before she had the paci it was never an issue. Is there anything I can do other than flip crap on my mil?

What you are describing is nipple confusion. Throw away all pacis (and frisk MIL before she comes in). What you describe is exactly why experts say no pacifiers until breastfeeding is well established and baby is at least 4-6 weeks old. You can always "blame" the doctor. "The doctor said no pacis until she is at least 6 weeks!"  The AAP states, in their 2012 breastfeeding policy statement: "Mothers of healthy term breastfed infants should be instructed to delay pacifier use until breastfeeding is well-established, usually about 3 to 4 wk after birth."

 2) I have not pumped at all but I own a pump. I am worried that if I pump and Kaylee gets a bottle she will not was to bf anymore. Advice or experiences please!

Do you WANT to pump and give her a bottle? No? Then don't.

Do you NEED to pump and give her a bottle? No? Then don't. 

Pumping and bottle feeding is a pain in the ass! Don't do it unless and until you really want to or really need to. Same rull as with pacis, wait until at least 4-6 weeks. 

3) I take a lot of crap from my mil about bfing. She seems to think it is selfish of me to only bf.

This one make me laugh every time. YOU are being slefish for making sure your baby gets the very best. All I can do is laugh.

On top of that she keeps telling me I have to bottle feed Kaylee so she can babysitter her.

Why? Oh, because she WANTS to. She WANTS to be alone with baby and give her a bottle. Who is being selfish here? You or MIL???? She wants to take baby away from her mommy and give her something that is second best. MIL wins the selfish contest here.

Well forgive me but I do not plan to have anyone babysitter her for a while let alone her. I just don't really know how to approach her or even talk to Justin (the man lol) about it. Advice please!

Let him know that bottle feeding pumped milk is second best and why not stick with the best if you can?

Are There Differences Between Breastfeeding Directly and Bottle-feeding Expressed Milk?

http://thebreastfeedingmother.blogspot.com/2012/07/are-there-differences-between.html

[ncohetero]

you need to be firsm with you mil unless itll never end. i had similar issues with mine. as for pumping its good to wait six weeks or so before introducing a bottle

[maggiemom2000]

Quoting Titana:

Thank u all for the advice! I know u r all right and I just have to stand up and put my foot down. I'm sure it will be an ugly battle but I know I will win because I am mommy. It's just going to be rough for a while I guess.

Keep in mind that how you handle things now will set the tone for the rest of your motherhood. If MIL is allowed to butt in now, she will continue to at every turn (starting solids, potty training, preschool, and so on). You and your partner need to talk about how much input you both want and how to set limits with grandparents right now. You and SO need to get on the same page and stand up for each other. You'll be glad you did!