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Breastfeeding Moms Breastfeeding Moms

regret not being able to tandem nurse

Posted by on Sep. 23, 2012 at 4:36 PM
  • 10 Replies
With my big kids being so close in age I could have nursed all 3 at once by the time my 3rd was born. But I didn't even know nursing past a yr was even normal then. I quit nursing too soon with all of them even though my goal was to go longer. Which I did go longer each time just not to at least 6month-a yr.

I'm still nursing my 7month old and want the experience of nursing an infant to when he's a toddler but we are not in the position to have another baby. :( this saddens me.

And for those who didn't nurse older kids but did for younger did you have this feeling of guilt or lost experienced after you successfully nursed your latter child? My oldest understands she was only 2 weeks when I gave up and I don't want her feeling like I favor Jacob bcuz I didn't stick it out with her. Am I crazy for feeling this?
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by on Sep. 23, 2012 at 4:36 PM
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Replies (1-10):
melindabelcher
by mel on Sep. 23, 2012 at 4:42 PM
I have felt guilty from my first but my struggles with him influenced my success with my girls
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AngryBob
by Member on Sep. 23, 2012 at 4:53 PM

i quit nursing my dd when she was about ten and a half months. there is only some slight regret there. i feel like i did really well with her, getting over the struggles of learning how to nurse with no support, that kind of thing. but i was pregnant, and my belly was ever expanding, and it didn't seem like she was getting much anyway. she didn't seem phased at all when i stopped nursing her. i didn't really plan on nursing past a year anyway, maybe like a few months after, so while i was a little disappointed in the abrupt ending, it wasn't devastating.

i have more regrets with my son. he was three months old when i got pregnant again, and i wasn't able to pump anything after that. then he started to look really skinny, and his diaper count was low. i had to switch to formula at about six months. when presented with the bottle for the first time, his eyes got big as saucers, and he slurped it down like he'd been starving. he was never really interested in the breast after that. i felt bad that i had been essentially starving my kid. i felt bad that i couldn't give him the absolute best.

even now, as he's nine months old, and i'm seven months along, i can't hold him as much, or snuggle with him as much. i try to be as hands on as possible, but i'm physically limited in what i can do, being as how this is my third pregnancy in three years. i kind of hope to be able to nurse him after this baby is born, but i don't think it will happen. what's done is done. i gave him mommy's milk for the first six months of his life, and i'm going to love him til the end regardless of what's in his tummy.

that's the best advice i can give you. i can't sit and pine away from all the regrets that i have in my life, ya know? i'm fully aware that his birthday, already overshadowed by thanksgiving and christmas, will now be further overshadowed by his brother's birthday (i'm due two days before he turns one), and he's going to be the middle child. i grew up in a somewhat similar situation - middle child born six days before christmas, with seven siblings. so all i can do is my very best to make sure his childhood is awesome, with great memories, and lots of love from mommy. breast milk wasn't the only thing he was cheated out of. so i'm determined to love on all my kids even more, even if it means waiting a few years before having more kids, if i have any more at all.

hope that helped. i totally understand where you're coming from.

catholicmamamia
by Ruby Member on Sep. 23, 2012 at 5:55 PM

hugs 


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gdiamante
by Group Mod - Gina on Sep. 23, 2012 at 6:47 PM


Quoting TheBabyFactory4:

 My oldest understands she was only 2 weeks when I gave up and I don't want her feeling like I favor Jacob bcuz I didn't stick it out with her. Am I crazy for feeling this?

I can't speak to the guilt, having only one. But being one of two, raised in an extended family that usually included four or more children in each set of cousins, I can tell you what I observed.

You can't really treat all your kids the same. You can try... but there will always be differences. Because they are all different people and whenever you add another child to the mix you become a different person too. And whatever the differences are, there will be times when the kids try to book you a guilt trip because you didn't do the same things for each of them. But you don't have to board the flight.

Part of what makes life rich and interesting is that nothing is ever the same old, same old. There are an infinite number of variables. And as long as the differences weren't intentional attempts to shortchange one child in favor of another (and this wasn't), then there' snothing to feel guilty about.

gavin423
by on Sep. 23, 2012 at 7:15 PM

I had issues with my oldest DS latching. The LC basically just told me to use a nursing shield and he'd grow out of it. But he didn't. It was constantly making a mess and I was always forgetting the stupid thing. I was supplementing by like 3 months and weaned fully onto formula by 6 months.

My DD (2nd child) is still nursing at 13 1/2 months. Never had a bottle or a drop of formula. I am due with number 3 in about 5 1/2 weeks and we'll be tandem nursing. I'm glad I'm able to do this this time around. I'm proud we've accomplished it.

But yes, I do feel major guilt for not doing the same for my oldest. I wish I'd known better. I wish I'd found a different LC that would help me correctly.

ilovecandy
by Bronze Member on Sep. 23, 2012 at 7:19 PM

i never tandem nursed because my DD had been done nursing long before i even got pregnant with DS. not only that...her journey on BFing was.......not great but i do blam emyself for that.

with this 3rd baby....i tried to nurse DS but i was cramping sooo bad and i couldnt do it. it was really really bad. i only lasted till about 9weeks pregnant before DS wasnt able to nurse anymore, he was 15-16 months?

Cruz-s-mommy
by Amanda on Sep. 23, 2012 at 8:34 PM

Agreed!

Quoting gdiamante:

 

And as long as the differences weren't intentional attempts to shortchange one child in favor of another (and this wasn't), then there' snothing to feel guilty about.


comptonkids
by Bronze Member on Sep. 23, 2012 at 8:59 PM
I could not har tandemed :( I don't get my period until bfing stops
My older girls are 17 months, I quit at 7-8 months with dd1, got pregnant after my first AF

With dd2...I DO regret how short I nursed her :( 1 month

It was very difficult having a toddler and a newborn for me

If I knew then, what I know now.... It would have worked and I might have been able to get dd1 to relearn to bf

I'm at 13 moths with ds and I'd LOVE to tandem but I doubt I'll get to :( no sign of AF yet
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TheBabyFactory4
by on Sep. 23, 2012 at 9:03 PM
You know you can get pregnant without af.
But your comment about "if I knew then what I know now" is exactly how I feel.


Quoting comptonkids:

I could not har tandemed :( I don't get my period until bfing stops

My older girls are 17 months, I quit at 7-8 months with dd1, got pregnant after my first AF



With dd2...I DO regret how short I nursed her :( 1 month



It was very difficult having a toddler and a newborn for me



If I knew then, what I know now.... It would have worked and I might have been able to get dd1 to relearn to bf



I'm at 13 moths with ds and I'd LOVE to tandem but I doubt I'll get to :( no sign of AF yet
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comptonkids
by Bronze Member on Sep. 23, 2012 at 9:07 PM
Yeah, but I don't ovulate

I know the longer AF stays away, the better the chance for me to get pregnant before I see AF

I'd LOVE for that to happen :) lol I'm already at almost 2 yrs AF free due to pregnancy and bfing... I could def go longer!! Lol

I'm hoping to get pregnant by about jan


Quoting TheBabyFactory4:

You know you can get pregnant without af.

But your comment about "if I knew then what I know now" is exactly how I feel.




Quoting comptonkids:

I could not har tandemed :( I don't get my period until bfing stops


My older girls are 17 months, I quit at 7-8 months with dd1, got pregnant after my first AF





With dd2...I DO regret how short I nursed her :( 1 month





It was very difficult having a toddler and a newborn for me





If I knew then, what I know now.... It would have worked and I might have been able to get dd1 to relearn to bf





I'm at 13 moths with ds and I'd LOVE to tandem but I doubt I'll get to :( no sign of AF yet
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