Made to feel ashamed of breast feeding :-/
I have a son who is 7 yrs old and am 28 weeks pregnant with another baby boy. When I had my first son I wanted nothing more than to be able to breast feed, but I had problems with my let down and I knew I had to return to work full time and pumping and formula supplementation would most likely be necessary. So my little baby boy spent 2 weeks on nothing but formula despite trying several times a day and all the tricks for let down. Luckily me being so stubborn he still latched on very well. Well my husband at the time was in the military and getting deployed soon, so he was happy for the bottle feeding time he got. But my mil and my own mom were on me for being upset and frustrated about it. Saying we had been bottle and formula fed and nothing happened to us. But I wanted it so bad! After the first few weeks when I finally let down I cried tears of joy. And that first feeding session is the best moment of my memory to this day. I started pumping right away as well so my husband could have his time too. And when I returned to work I was lucky enough to have a boss who had just had a baby as well so I was able to pump at work with out any issues. So he had breast milk in bottles while I was at work and nursed when I was home. But after only a few months I started drying up and not producing enough and he wasn't getting enough. So back to adding in formula we went. It was so hard and frustrating and again my family just told me to get over it. Plus I was only allowed to nurse at home. I had to bring bottles every time we went out. My husband was a very jealous man and didn't like me doing something that private out in public. Well my family and in laws were the same. It's not like I'd just whip a tit out. I'd always go somewhere private and cover myself. But even at home I had to cover myself because no one wanted to see or hear about it. I swear the stress from everyone around me made me dry up so fast. So my dilemma now. I'm divorced and have been with my boyfriend for just over 2 yrs. and he is nothing like my ex, very supportive and wants me to do what I want. But I am very scared about having the same issues this time around. I am lucky enough to be able to take about 6 months off after he is born. But even though the boyfriend is supportive, he doesn't believe in nursing in public. Especially if someone doesn't cover. And he wants to be able to feed him as well. And then there's my family who I already said how they are. So here I am at 28 weeks and already so stressed about how and what to do. So afraid I won't let down again, or I'll dry up quickly again, or not make enough. Or that this one will have issues going between breast and bottle. Because its been made clear to me again not to do it around my family or in public. So I will have to pump some.
So my questions are this: Do I put my foot down now and say "NO! It was ruined for me last time and I'm doing it my way this time!" or do I wait til he's born and just do what I want even if it bothers everyone else? And if I have the same problems as with my first, do I just ignore everyone and keep it to myself that way nobody can say anything? We are both close with our families and spend a lot of time with them. Cutting that back isn't really an option so I know the situations will arise :-(. Advice anyone? Anyone had similar experiences?
Sorry I went on so long. I just had to get it out. Thank you :-)