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how do i convince dh that he has it easy

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He can't feed the baby.
He hasn't changed a diaper.
He hands him to me whenever Corbin gets fussy.
He takes showers without bringing in the carseat and baby.
He doesn't wake up at night with Corbin.

But he's pissed off he didn't get enough sleep.
Because he went to a bar last night.
Poor dh.
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by on Oct. 7, 2012 at 11:46 AM
Replies (21-30):
gdiamante
by Group Mod - Gina on Oct. 7, 2012 at 1:47 PM
1 mom liked this

Kimby... you will never change him. Men like that DO NOT CHANGE. 

He's KICKED YOU OUT? Why the hell did you go back?

Have you gone for marriage counseling? Go yourself if he won't go with you. Because I suspect he was not at a bar last night. There may have been alcohol, but not at a bar.

This is 2012, not the 1930s. But I'll tell you this: My grandparents lived in the 1930s and their wives were as much partners to them as anyone. They did NOT live by the rules your idiot husband lives by, not by ANY means.

Quoting Kimbyann:

I cooked dinner and waited for him to get home from work...and waited.... and waited... 4hrs later he comes in saying he didn't call cause I would be upset.
and I live in the 1930s. I dont have a job to pay bills so its his house and his rules. If I tell him where to sleep I'd be outside. Its happened before.
He's one rude SOB. But I'm working on it.
gdiamante
by Group Mod - Gina on Oct. 7, 2012 at 1:49 PM
3 moms liked this

You can't afford a baby swing, but he can afford to go to a bar? Or whatever else he was doing last night? And yes, I'm suspicious of the guy.

shortyali
by Alicia on Oct. 7, 2012 at 2:17 PM
I'm with G on this. I find it funny he can go to a bar for a few hours and that's ok but something like a swing for your baby isn't in the budget. When I got fired DH tried pullin this cave man crap and when he got home from work one day the locks were changed on the door. I told him we are partners, he's not my boss. He wants back in telhe house he helps out and stops riding my a$$. I was "working" to by taking care of the house, making a weeks worth of food stretch into 2 weeks worth and putting in about 20 applications a day online. He got the point when he realized the only other place he could go was his moms and that wasn't pretty so he tightened up.
You need breaks too. Hand baby to him and go lock yourself in the bathroom and shower or just sit on the floor and read/relax. There are days when I lock myself in the bathroom and move the shelves that we have for our towels infront of the door just so I can have some me time. If he can't be trusted with the baby alone for 20 minutes then you don't need him.
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Amberleigh81
by Silver Member on Oct. 7, 2012 at 4:36 PM
I agree. Now I am worried about you. This "man" (and I use the word loosely) sounds like an abuser. Please please please become independent. Get a job, start a "stay at home" business, use coupons and save the difference in a single-owner account. Never ever ever depend on this person to care for you or your child. If you choose to stay with this person, get yourself, at least, into counseling so you can learn why this is SO NOT NORMAL.

The 1930s bullcrap is just that. Bullcrap. Also, if you are Christian, the whole "women, obey your husbands" has a REALLY IMPORTANT 2nd part "... and husbands, love your wives as Christ loves the church."

Would your husband DIE for you? Does he put your needs above his? THIS is a Biblical husband. Don't let him lie to you. :(


Quoting gdiamante:

Kimby... you will never change him. Men like that DO NOT CHANGE. 

He's KICKED YOU OUT? Why the hell did you go back?

Have you gone for marriage counseling? Go yourself if he won't go with you. Because I suspect he was not at a bar last night. There may have been alcohol, but not at a bar.

This is 2012, not the 1930s. But I'll tell you this: My grandparents lived in the 1930s and their wives were as much partners to them as anyone. They did NOT live by the rules your idiot husband lives by, not by ANY means.

Quoting Kimbyann:

I cooked dinner and waited for him to get home from work...and waited.... and waited... 4hrs later he comes in saying he didn't call cause I would be upset.

and I live in the 1930s. I dont have a job to pay bills so its his house and his rules. If I tell him where to sleep I'd be outside. Its happened before.

He's one rude SOB. But I'm working on it.
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MaryJarrett
by Mary on Oct. 7, 2012 at 4:42 PM
You really shouldn't leave baby in the car seat outside of the car. That lowers their blood oxygen levels. A portable swing is what I always used.

I would pass baby to him more often. Let him take more responsibility. Wake him up every time you do. Text/call through out the day to talk through nursing sessions. Have him change diapers. Give him baby and lock the door for showers, cooking, you time, etc. If he's going to complain, give him a true reason too.
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Hyman
by on Oct. 7, 2012 at 4:47 PM
I used to bring my son in the shower .. Until I got a swing! He would sit very peacefully there while I took a nice hot shower and sometimes through me blow drying my hair.

My son is 14 months old now, but when he was a newborn I remember everything you describe. My husband could not soothe our son. He would cry and cry. I just couldn't let him cry like that so I took him with me.

But you do need a break sometimes. So I suggest a swing.

And baby wear !!!
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mostlymaydays
by Group Mod-Stacy on Oct. 7, 2012 at 4:51 PM
Paper plates. And he can eat whatever he prepares for himself, but I wouldn't cook for him or otherwise feed him. HE is supposed to be pampering YOU, the woman who carried and birthed his offspring. When does he expect to get "back in the saddle"? I'd close down the love shop until he acts like a partner in every other way.

Quoting Kimbyann:

On day one he mentioned crying it out lol

Yeah, I'll take the bat but dh I don't think knows too much about young babies.

He has been sweet enough to let me take a week off of dish duty. Not that he washes them himself :)




Quoting gdiamante:

Oooh, now that pisses me off. I'd be telling dad that since he's proven himself unqualified as a dad, you've made him an appointment for a castration so he never again has to worry about a "spoiled" baby because he'll be unable to father them.

You do realize who the real spoiled baby is in your home, right? And the D does NOT stand for "dear" here. "Darned" is too kind. Want my baseball bat?

Quoting Kimbyann:

Tried that. No, he won't. Corbin will cry until I'm done or I run out. Because he's spoiled at 2 weeks old. *eyeroll*


But seriously, why don't you pass baby off to him, go take a shower and LOCK the door? He will figure out how to soothe him.




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mostlymaydays
by Group Mod-Stacy on Oct. 7, 2012 at 4:55 PM
And reading now through other responses, I am in complete agreement that this is an unhealthy relationship and there are red flags of abuse here. I am so sorry you aren't home with your newborn with bluebirds of happiness flying over your head as your husband dotes over you. You should still be buzzed on your new mommy high. I'm worried about you, too.
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silka08
by on Oct. 7, 2012 at 5:15 PM
I remember you from pregnancy group. I remember then saying your dh is awful. Id leave. I dont care what my living situation would become, id be out. Then id go immediately to domestic relations for child support and alimoney. In the interum id make enough dinner for myself, wash only my clothes and babys and thats it.
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shortyali
by Alicia on Oct. 7, 2012 at 5:20 PM
Whoa..... Did I read that correct???? Let you take a week off from dish duty???? Ohh no hun that wouldn't fly. Wash just enough so you have clean dishes and hide them. He wants clean plates he will wash or starve. You really need the baseball bat. Or a sledge hammer, I have one if you want to borrow it.

Quoting Kimbyann:

On day one he mentioned crying it out lol

Yeah, I'll take the bat but dh I don't think knows too much about young babies.

He has been sweet enough to let me take a week off of dish duty. Not that he washes them himself :)




Quoting gdiamante:

Oooh, now that pisses me off. I'd be telling dad that since he's proven himself unqualified as a dad, you've made him an appointment for a castration so he never again has to worry about a "spoiled" baby because he'll be unable to father them.

You do realize who the real spoiled baby is in your home, right? And the D does NOT stand for "dear" here. "Darned" is too kind. Want my baseball bat?

Quoting Kimbyann:

Tried that. No, he won't. Corbin will cry until I'm done or I run out. Because he's spoiled at 2 weeks old. *eyeroll*


But seriously, why don't you pass baby off to him, go take a shower and LOCK the door? He will figure out how to soothe him.




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