Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Breastfeeding Moms Breastfeeding Moms

My husband would rather I give up

Posted by   + Show Post
Breastfeeding altogether that is. I've chosen to exclusively pump but even when I was putting baby directly on my breast i still got complaints. He thinks I spend too much time making milk as he puts it. Says I'm lazy because the majority of my day is taking care of both the kids and pumping milk. But this is important. My kids come first. I'm mommy. And yes I need to pump every two to three hours, its necessary.

He just doesn't get it. He sees the milk piling up in the freezer and tells me that its enough. What's the point of storing it if I'm just going to keep adding to all that. He says I make enough that I don't have to do it so often. But I don't know how many times I could explain that I'm making enough because of my feeding schedule.

I feel like he just resents me at times. People around us are able to go out to parties, movies, etc on a whim and he feels I'm holding him back from it all and making marriage and life in general boring for him at this point. But he doesn't feel comfortable with me whipping my boob for nursing or pumping when people are around. I do draw the line when its family. Screw that they could deal with it. But if anyone else is around I either have to skip a feeding or seclude myself in a room till I'm done.

I just had an appt for wic and he told me to as for formula. I said I would not and he just kept trying to come up with excuses for me to do so. Like "oh but you'll be able to sleep more." It's just so discouraging.

Idk what to do. I don't want him to get so fed up with his "boring" life because I'm actually choosing to breastfeed. But I dont want to give up producing and feeding my baby what's best. Sorry for the long post. But its been eating at me and I had to get it out.
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
by on Dec. 14, 2012 at 4:07 AM
Replies (21-30):
Rhodin
by Bronze Member on Dec. 14, 2012 at 2:08 PM
1 mom liked this

Well, for one thing, even if your kid was exclusively formula fed, you'd still not be able to go out and party on a whim because you have a baby.  Formula isn't like magic baby knock-out drops.  Also, I don't understand why you can't nurse in front of guests in your own house.  They know you BF.

Quote:

I feel like he just resents me at times. People around us are able to go out to parties, movies, etc on a whim and he feels I'm holding him back from it all and making marriage and life in general boring for him at this point. But he doesn't feel comfortable with me whipping my boob for nursing or pumping when people are around. I do draw the line when its family. Screw that they could deal with it. But if anyone else is around I either have to skip a feeding or seclude myself in a room till I'm done. 
calimommy1021
by on Dec. 14, 2012 at 2:11 PM
1 mom liked this
Wow!!!! So sorry he's so unsupportive! :( my husband encouraged me to keep exclusively pumping and I did it for 10 months until we had a stressful situation come up and my milk production got super bad. He never wanted me to ask for formula at WIC. He knew what I was doing was best for our son.
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
aehanrahan
by Group Mod - Amy on Dec. 14, 2012 at 3:44 PM
1 mom liked this
This is everything I was going to say.

Quoting tabi_cat1023:

Does he know the risks of formula, the costs of formula.  DOes he know that WIC doesnt give all the formula needed to feed a baby so it would end up costing.  DOes he realize that FF babies get sick more so medical costs would be higher.

I think he is being selfish and as a father he needs to applaud you for doing the best for your baby.  Being a parent of a young child means giving up going out alot, it means dealing with nightwakings and feedings.  IT means becoming "boring" for a bit, but its also rewarding watching your child grow into a loving person because of the attention given to them.

Posted on CafeMom Mobile
piwife
by on Dec. 14, 2012 at 4:13 PM
What's with all the woman marrying assholes!! I mean really tell him to grow a pair and stop being soo dam whiny. If he wants you to formula feed I hope he is willing to get formula himself ( pay for it not wic) wash bottles and do feedings
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
shortyali
by Alicia on Dec. 14, 2012 at 4:20 PM
2 moms liked this
This. I asked DH once what he thought of the fact that I'm bfing. He said what should he think, my boobs means its my problem (his way of being supportive, lol). Same thing when DD had turned a year old. I told him we weren't ready to wean and he said "then don't" while looking at me like I just said I wanted to sprout another head.

Quoting Dee0886:

The second DH brought up a complaint about BFing, I told him "ok then YOU can breastfeed the baby and give me a break....oh you can't? Then you're not allowed to have an opinion about it"...he didn't have much to say since then.

Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
PolishMamma2
by Marta on Dec. 14, 2012 at 5:22 PM
1 mom liked this

Im not going to bash your hubby,, he is yor hubby!! Im just going to remind you that he is a man, and men are BABIES too. Hes just jelouse. He just wants some attention or is worried your making yourself tiered. My husband says all the time im so proud of you for breastfeeding, but when he wants to go somewhere that would involve me leaving the baby he will say oh man he is 8 months old now, dont you think its enough??? You gotta take it with a grain of salt. Dont upset yourself by some B.S. he is going through. YOU are the MOMMY. MOMMY knows BEST!!  

JTnJT
by on Dec. 14, 2012 at 10:24 PM
1 mom liked this

Try more like 9 plus cans per month....as someone who ended up having to stop breastfeeding due to medical reasons....I would much rather bf.  My little man is a year old tomorrow...we use 9+ cans a month.  All in all we spend more than $300 a month just on formula....it sucks!!  I can think of 60-11 other ways to use that money every month.  Realizing that prices very from one area to another...we spend nearly $30/can...it's something like $28.98...I think...I'd have to pull out a receipt to know for sure...but I can say...it ain't cheap!!

Quoting MumsTheWord571:

Holy shit.

He needs to grow up! He decided to be a dad. That involves stopping the partying and being a DAD! Shocker!

Exclusively pumping is HARD. Kudos to you for doing it.

Go to Kellymom.com. Print out 101 reasons to breastfeed. Then show him the price for a single can of formula... Multiply that by 4 (at least) then by 12. A year! Vs free mommy milk + the cost of bags.


ncohetero
by on Dec. 14, 2012 at 10:53 PM

Oh he knows the price of formula all too well. I don't know what's going on in his head. I mean with my daughter I had to stop breastfeeding at three months because my postpartum depression got so bad that i just wasn't even providing the basic care for myself like brushing my teeth or eating. So we had to do formula and that just created such a huge dent in our pockets.

Quoting RyansMommie07:

show him the price tag on a can of nutramigen. that'll change his mind. kudos to u for doing whats best for you baby


                                       Alex and Emma

ncohetero
by on Dec. 14, 2012 at 10:58 PM

It really is hard and it was a decision that I made to benefit us all so I had more freedom to do things for him and around the house since I have bottles ready to be used at any moment. And its like he doesnt get I have all that milk ready to use because I pump around the clock.


Let me tell him that being a father requires certain responsibilities and partying is not one of them. His reasoning is father or not he is still young and that's what you do before being old. He definitely is my third child

Quoting MumsTheWord571:

Holy shit.

He needs to grow up! He decided to be a dad. That involves stopping the partying and being a DAD! Shocker!

Exclusively pumping is HARD. Kudos to you for doing it.

Go to Kellymom.com. Print out 101 reasons to breastfeed. Then show him the price for a single can of formula... Multiply that by 4 (at least) then by 12. A year! Vs free mommy milk + the cost of bags.


                                       Alex and Emma

ncohetero
by on Dec. 14, 2012 at 11:04 PM

I feel the same way I find my kids the most fun ever that's why it blows my mind when he says I'm so damn boring and he needs to go out and that he can't live like this

Quoting Lucky2haveLiam:

I'm sorry you're having to deal with that :( But just keep it up, tell him that it costs apx 800/yr for formula. Also, its very possible that your child will have an upset stomach from the formula so you wouldn't be getting any more sleep anyways. Good for you for doing whats best for your baby, I'm sorry he isn't being more supportive but really having kids means not being able to go out and party whenever you want. For me playing with my baby is waay better than any party I've ever been to. I'm sorry to be a little bit rude but it sounds like he might need to get his priorities in line.

You've already comprimised by deciding to pump exclusivley, I think its time he comprimised a bit as well.


                                       Alex and Emma

Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)