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My husband would rather I give up

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Breastfeeding altogether that is. I've chosen to exclusively pump but even when I was putting baby directly on my breast i still got complaints. He thinks I spend too much time making milk as he puts it. Says I'm lazy because the majority of my day is taking care of both the kids and pumping milk. But this is important. My kids come first. I'm mommy. And yes I need to pump every two to three hours, its necessary.

He just doesn't get it. He sees the milk piling up in the freezer and tells me that its enough. What's the point of storing it if I'm just going to keep adding to all that. He says I make enough that I don't have to do it so often. But I don't know how many times I could explain that I'm making enough because of my feeding schedule.

I feel like he just resents me at times. People around us are able to go out to parties, movies, etc on a whim and he feels I'm holding him back from it all and making marriage and life in general boring for him at this point. But he doesn't feel comfortable with me whipping my boob for nursing or pumping when people are around. I do draw the line when its family. Screw that they could deal with it. But if anyone else is around I either have to skip a feeding or seclude myself in a room till I'm done.

I just had an appt for wic and he told me to as for formula. I said I would not and he just kept trying to come up with excuses for me to do so. Like "oh but you'll be able to sleep more." It's just so discouraging.

Idk what to do. I don't want him to get so fed up with his "boring" life because I'm actually choosing to breastfeed. But I dont want to give up producing and feeding my baby what's best. Sorry for the long post. But its been eating at me and I had to get it out.
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
by on Dec. 14, 2012 at 4:07 AM
Replies (51-60):
ncohetero
by on Dec. 15, 2012 at 1:10 AM

i its not going to knock the baby out but i wont be sitting at a pump so he wouldnt have to help so much and i could do more for him...

Quoting Rhodin:

Well, for one thing, even if your kid was exclusively formula fed, you'd still not be able to go out and party on a whim because you have a baby.  Formula isn't like magic baby knock-out drops.  Also, I don't understand why you can't nurse in front of guests in your own house.  They know you BF.

Quote:

I feel like he just resents me at times. People around us are able to go out to parties, movies, etc on a whim and he feels I'm holding him back from it all and making marriage and life in general boring for him at this point. But he doesn't feel comfortable with me whipping my boob for nursing or pumping when people are around. I do draw the line when its family. Screw that they could deal with it. But if anyone else is around I either have to skip a feeding or seclude myself in a room till I'm done. 


                                       Alex and Emma

ncohetero
by on Dec. 15, 2012 at 1:16 AM

no sadly formula would mean i'd have more free time in his mind so i could clean the bottles and feed the baby and he could go about his day doing what he wants and when he feels like bonding  then thats when he will change a diaper or feed him 

Quoting piwife:

What's with all the woman marrying assholes!! I mean really tell him to grow a pair and stop being soo dam whiny. If he wants you to formula feed I hope he is willing to get formula himself ( pay for it not wic) wash bottles and do feedings


                                       Alex and Emma

ncohetero
by on Dec. 15, 2012 at 1:17 AM

im hoping at some point those are the responses i'll get

Quoting shortyali:

This. I asked DH once what he thought of the fact that I'm bfing. He said what should he think, my boobs means its my problem (his way of being supportive, lol). Same thing when DD had turned a year old. I told him we weren't ready to wean and he said "then don't" while looking at me like I just said I wanted to sprout another head.

Quoting Dee0886:

The second DH brought up a complaint about BFing, I told him "ok then YOU can breastfeed the baby and give me a break....oh you can't? Then you're not allowed to have an opinion about it"...he didn't have much to say since then.


                                       Alex and Emma

britniwheeler
by on Dec. 15, 2012 at 1:19 AM

What an immature ass. Seriously. Obviously being a dad isn't a priority for him. Stand your ground and do what is best for your children. He obviously won't. 

ncohetero
by on Dec. 15, 2012 at 1:20 AM

ugh thats what i say. hes my third child. and he's acting like i'm mommy to him and taking some attention away from him. he can be like our two year old at times and want me to just do things fo rhim back to back. but now thats just not happening. i cant even entertain that idea because as you said mommy knows best and i know i need and want to do this for our son

Quoting PolishMamma2:

Im not going to bash your hubby,, he is yor hubby!! Im just going to remind you that he is a man, and men are BABIES too. Hes just jelouse. He just wants some attention or is worried your making yourself tiered. My husband says all the time im so proud of you for breastfeeding, but when he wants to go somewhere that would involve me leaving the baby he will say oh man he is 8 months old now, dont you think its enough??? You gotta take it with a grain of salt. Dont upset yourself by some B.S. he is going through. YOU are the MOMMY. MOMMY knows BEST!!  


                                       Alex and Emma

ncohetero
by on Dec. 15, 2012 at 1:23 AM

thank you for your support and kind words

Quoting larissalarie:

You are awesome to be so strong!! Your kids are lucky to have such a great Mom.
I how he gets his head outta his ass before it's too late.


Quoting ncohetero:

I completely agree with you. when i see a parent out all the time i just feel like something is wrong with them because personally i love being with my kids all day. i don't find it boring or tedious. i actually told him today that something must be completely screwed up in his head that he sees our newborn as a burden. he needs a damn wake up call since he says he still wants to be apart of this household


Quoting larissalarie:

I completely agree.

If he does get "fed up" with his "boring" life and leave, it sounds like that might be a positive in your life!



Most of my friends formula feed. Their lives are just as "boring" as mine. Parents who still go out constantly after kids usually aren't regarded as very good parents :-\




Quoting IrishIz:

Honestly, he sounds like an immature jerk who should have never had kids.  He is really that concerned over his social life?  He's married with kids...social life goes away or becomes minimal.  This isn't just about breastfeeding but about him wanting to control you and have a specific lifestyle.  I wouldn't be able to deal with a "father/husband" who was that concerned about his social life.  That would be a relationship ender.  The only thing I can suggest...get into therapy with him because he has some changes he needs to make.



                                       Alex and Emma

ashleywagoner
by Bronze Member on Dec. 15, 2012 at 1:25 AM
1 mom liked this
Give it.time...you are the mama! He will eventually.get over it.ifyou.stand your ground.
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
ashleywagoner
by Bronze Member on Dec. 15, 2012 at 1:29 AM
1 mom liked this
Just because he doesnt support it doesn't mean he's a bad hubby...he just doesn't get it. These women that say its.a.unhealthy marriage just be cause of that...hmmmm totally don't agree! (I know because my dh was that way at first and he is still.not.a huge bf fan...and we have a wonderful marriage...also he finally gave up...i have been bfing our son all along and he is now 2 yrs. old) Married couples don't always.agree on everything
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
ncohetero
by on Dec. 15, 2012 at 1:30 AM

i havent brought up the fact that it helps with ppd. i really should. thank you.

Quoting pipers_mom:

Since you've had PPD before you should have him talk to your doctor about the benefits of breastfeeding when dealing with PPD. This is my third child, I didn't breastfeed my older 2 and I had PPD, I'm breastfeeding this one and no PPD!


                                       Alex and Emma

ncohetero
by on Dec. 15, 2012 at 1:40 AM

unfortunately the men around us are pretty ignorant about breastfeeding so no help there. as for when we get over the breastfeeding and our ids need something else he feels its my place as a woman to take care of it. thats a mom's job....

ive been stressing to him i need to pump regularly or my supply could strt depleting. he thinks im doing it the wrong way then....i want a doctor or LC to speak to him

Quoting Lisa009:

Wow, I hardly know what to say. Why have kids if you are going to feel bummed out and inconvenienced everytime your personal play time gets encroached upon? It is not like this is for years and years till your kids leave home. BF'ing is just for a season with each child. 

What happens when they are done BF'ing but some new need that is relevant to their age comes along, will he ask you to compromise then too?

I would suggest going back to the breast when you can or you could end up losing your supply. Also, part of the reason one BF's is the emotional aspect with the child. I am sad you are missing this benefit for both you and your child.

And okay, so you pump every three hours. Go see a 1.5 hour movie or have dinner out and then come home and pump. He needs to face that even without BF'ing, life will never be the same again. You cannot just come and go when you please with children. Their needs come first before party time.

 Is thre any other male that your husband respects that supports his BF'ing wife who he could be in contact with? Like someone in a local LLL group?

I am very fortunate, my son is three and still BF's  and my DH is very supportive of it. I hope you can get through to him. Try showing him how much formula costs! I have read it can be at least a couple thousand dollars to use formula for the nursing time. BF'ing can also help save money later by giving you a healthier child overall. Maybe use the financial perspective.

Also explain if you do not BF or pump on a schedule, you will lose your supply.

Best of luck.


                                       Alex and Emma

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