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Breastfeeding Moms Breastfeeding Moms

My husband would rather I give up

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Breastfeeding altogether that is. I've chosen to exclusively pump but even when I was putting baby directly on my breast i still got complaints. He thinks I spend too much time making milk as he puts it. Says I'm lazy because the majority of my day is taking care of both the kids and pumping milk. But this is important. My kids come first. I'm mommy. And yes I need to pump every two to three hours, its necessary.

He just doesn't get it. He sees the milk piling up in the freezer and tells me that its enough. What's the point of storing it if I'm just going to keep adding to all that. He says I make enough that I don't have to do it so often. But I don't know how many times I could explain that I'm making enough because of my feeding schedule.

I feel like he just resents me at times. People around us are able to go out to parties, movies, etc on a whim and he feels I'm holding him back from it all and making marriage and life in general boring for him at this point. But he doesn't feel comfortable with me whipping my boob for nursing or pumping when people are around. I do draw the line when its family. Screw that they could deal with it. But if anyone else is around I either have to skip a feeding or seclude myself in a room till I'm done.

I just had an appt for wic and he told me to as for formula. I said I would not and he just kept trying to come up with excuses for me to do so. Like "oh but you'll be able to sleep more." It's just so discouraging.

Idk what to do. I don't want him to get so fed up with his "boring" life because I'm actually choosing to breastfeed. But I dont want to give up producing and feeding my baby what's best. Sorry for the long post. But its been eating at me and I had to get it out.
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by on Dec. 14, 2012 at 4:07 AM
Replies (61-70):
aehanrahan
by Group Mod - Amy on Dec. 15, 2012 at 1:46 AM
1 mom liked this

If you had just kept nursing instead of going to pumping, you would have eventually gotten to the point where nursing ws easy and didn't take up as much time. Now, since you're pumping, you will always have to pump on this schedule on top of feeding and washing the bottles and pump parts.

Have you considered trying to go back to nursing at the breast at all? You could eventually save yourself a lot of time and energy.

ncohetero
by on Dec. 15, 2012 at 1:49 AM
1 mom liked this

thank you. i dont think hes a bad husband. yes a bit immature but hes adjusting to a new life. four years ago he was doing anything he wanted. it weighs on me now, all the complaining. but i hope with time i could help him see why its important to breastfeed in general and why its important to do it often. like your husband, i hope he just gives upsimple smile

Quoting ashleywagoner:

Just because he doesnt support it doesn't mean he's a bad hubby...he just doesn't get it. These women that say its.a.unhealthy marriage just be cause of that...hmmmm totally don't agree! (I know because my dh was that way at first and he is still.not.a huge bf fan...and we have a wonderful marriage...also he finally gave up...i have been bfing our son all along and he is now 2 yrs. old) Married couples don't always.agree on everything


                                       Alex and Emma

ncohetero
by on Dec. 15, 2012 at 1:55 AM

pumping and cleaning bottles and parts ddoesnt bother me. it bothers him that i'm doing it. however i would like to nurse when we are out the house and at night but my son has a horrible latch right now. i've spoke to with LC so i'm going to go in with him to see what exactly is wrong and work on fixing it so he could latch back on

Quoting aehanrahan:

If you had just kept nursing instead of going to pumping, you would have eventually gotten to the point where nursing ws easy and didn't take up as much time. Now, since you're pumping, you will always have to pump on this schedule on top of feeding and washing the bottles and pump parts.

Have you considered trying to go back to nursing at the breast at all? You could eventually save yourself a lot of time and energy.


                                       Alex and Emma

stargaze281
by Member on Dec. 15, 2012 at 2:02 AM

hello. You are doing a good job as a mommy! You are not being boring, you are being a mom. He needs to realize his baby needs his food. Is he ashamed of being a dad? It seems he misses being free and out and about. He wants to go out and party like he used to. He shouldnt regret being a father. He is taking his doubts and insecurities on you. You arent doing anything wrong, he should be praising you for what youre doing for the baby and not trying to call you boring and push you to do whats 2nd best. Do not let his words affect yor emotions, just tell him to stop bothering you when you are feeding your baby. It sounds very rude to manipulate a nursing mother who should be getting support and encouragement, tell him to help you out and not mess with you. It may be that he is fearing all this parent stuff, do you think so? Good luck, and keep at it, youre doing a positive thing. Smile about it and just ignore all he negative people. 

BabyPink07
by Bronze Member on Dec. 15, 2012 at 5:05 AM
1 mom liked this
Is a lot less work to feed straight off the boob....


Quoting ncohetero:

i don't know what he thought breastfeeding was like. i don't think he's ever had to experience it first hand. all he hears are stories from around his family and they make it sound like it just flows out whenever its needed. they fail to stress the hours that have to be put in to maintain a healthy supply


Quoting BabyPink07:

Your SO needs to grow up. If he's jealous he can actually participate and help in your breast feeding journey.



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ncohetero
by on Dec. 15, 2012 at 5:20 AM
The time I spend pumping bothers him not me. And at this point my son refuses to latch on. I spoke to my LC and we are going to try working towards getting him to latch again so I could nurse at night


Quoting stargaze281:

hello. You are doing a good job as a mommy! You are not being boring, you are being a mom. He needs to realize his baby needs his food. Is he ashamed of being a dad? It seems he misses being free and out and about. He wants to go out and party like he used to. He shouldnt regret being a father. He is taking his doubts and insecurities on you. You arent doing anything wrong, he should be praising you for what youre doing for the baby and not trying to call you boring and push you to do whats 2nd best. Do not let his words affect yor emotions, just tell him to stop bothering you when you are feeding your baby. It sounds very rude to manipulate a nursing mother who should be getting support and encouragement, tell him to help you out and not mess with you. It may be that he is fearing all this parent stuff, do you think so? Good luck, and keep at it, youre doing a positive thing. Smile about it and just ignore all he negative people. 


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MamaLub
by on Dec. 15, 2012 at 5:23 AM
1 mom liked this
Oh hell get over it
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soulofsunmama
by on Dec. 15, 2012 at 5:25 AM


Quoting Julia.C:

This runs through me - can't stand this. 

I know what I would do if it was my husband, but that's probably not a good idea if you want to keep the peace.  I would sweetly suggest you forcefully lay down the law when it comes to your children ( which seems apparent that you are already doing it )  ;)  From what you've written it also seems like he is just complaining and whining ( which, although tiring on the spirit ) is usually handled by " ignoring " - I would just completely ignore everything he was saying. 

Smile and in a very sarcastic tone say OK - YOU GOT IT - YOU'RE THE BOSS - YOU RULE - PARTY TIME - TUBULAR - FUN - PUMP IT UP - LET ME GO GET MY HOT PANTS ON - YOU GOT THE LIQUOR READY - LETS DO THIS.   ::: I imagine you saying that while the breast pump is going to work :::    

To be honest, I think you already know in your heart what is best and I send you the energy to put up with his verbal manipulation and not let it bother you.  Men can be tools, just don't let him make you compromise something that is so good for your baby.

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jakesmom323
by on Dec. 15, 2012 at 6:12 AM
I would definitely tell him the benefits of immune support, protection from diseases, and healthy cell support, amongst the other miracles it does for your baby. This is such a short time period of not being able to go out and I definitely understand the adjustment. I had a horrible time w/ my first getting a balance and trying to be a "cool mom" even though it's your husband feeling like that Know I just except I'm a huge dork and we all go to bed at 9 on Friday nights now. Lol


Quoting ncohetero:

Thats the thing I feel like this works for me right now but apparenty it just doesnt work for him.


Quoting jakesmom323:

EBF is hard and can be "boring" at times because it is very time consuming. The ladies on here really helped me with my issues and I decided to BF, pump and store, and formula supplement during the day. It's more fair of my time so I can run errands, go to the gym, take my 3 yr old to day school, etc.. I still get that bonding BF time at nights with my baby, I don't feel depressed due to having him on me for 7 plus hours a day, and I'm really happy now. Just find things that work for you and baby and have an adult convo on what would be best for everyone. Good luck with your decision;)



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moroccanmommy
by Robin on Dec. 15, 2012 at 6:25 AM
2 moms liked this
He doesn't sound like a good husband. He sounds like a teenager that can't go to a party.
you are doing what's right for your baby. It doesn't sound like she does much of the baby care anyways. Tell him to grow up. Don't second guess yourself
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