Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Breastfeeding Moms Breastfeeding Moms

My husband would rather I give up

Posted by   + Show Post
Breastfeeding altogether that is. I've chosen to exclusively pump but even when I was putting baby directly on my breast i still got complaints. He thinks I spend too much time making milk as he puts it. Says I'm lazy because the majority of my day is taking care of both the kids and pumping milk. But this is important. My kids come first. I'm mommy. And yes I need to pump every two to three hours, its necessary.

He just doesn't get it. He sees the milk piling up in the freezer and tells me that its enough. What's the point of storing it if I'm just going to keep adding to all that. He says I make enough that I don't have to do it so often. But I don't know how many times I could explain that I'm making enough because of my feeding schedule.

I feel like he just resents me at times. People around us are able to go out to parties, movies, etc on a whim and he feels I'm holding him back from it all and making marriage and life in general boring for him at this point. But he doesn't feel comfortable with me whipping my boob for nursing or pumping when people are around. I do draw the line when its family. Screw that they could deal with it. But if anyone else is around I either have to skip a feeding or seclude myself in a room till I'm done.

I just had an appt for wic and he told me to as for formula. I said I would not and he just kept trying to come up with excuses for me to do so. Like "oh but you'll be able to sleep more." It's just so discouraging.

Idk what to do. I don't want him to get so fed up with his "boring" life because I'm actually choosing to breastfeed. But I dont want to give up producing and feeding my baby what's best. Sorry for the long post. But its been eating at me and I had to get it out.
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
by on Dec. 14, 2012 at 4:07 AM
Replies (71-80):
mama2gg
by on Dec. 15, 2012 at 8:50 AM
Very good idea mama

Quoting ncohetero:

i'm considering sitting down with a lactation consultant with him present so he could get the facts from a professional


Quoting mama2gg:

Wtf this is VERY unhealthy marriage I would work on therapy for you two so he can learn to support your choices



He sounds very childish and immature


Posted on CafeMom Mobile
Misash103
by on Dec. 15, 2012 at 8:56 AM
IMO what's bothering him isn't the bf and pumping. It's probably that he is feeling lonely. Sounds like y'all need a date night; one free from kids and the pump. Go. Have fun. Your body is making enough that skipping one or two feeds/pumps I not going to affect your supply. Sounds like he needs sone attention. I bet if y'all do this, his complaining will stop. Just my opinion.
Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
Amberleigh81
by Silver Member on Dec. 15, 2012 at 10:14 AM
4 moms liked this
Oh huns. I hate to bash your husband, since he was your choice, so try not to feel like it's you, but...

Holy crap. You need to lay down the law in your house! My husband was a HORRIBLE mama's boy, and it took time, but I told him (many, many!) times "IAMNOTYOURMOM!".

I make him do his own laundry, clean, cook sometimes and generally help with OUR household. One reason is that our son will grow up seeing mom and dad as partners, not daddy as master and mommy as slave. Oh, and my husband is the only one working right now, so no excuses there. I am in school, and between that and caring for his son 24/7, I work just as hard or harder than him!

Grow a really strong spine (because he will fight it) and make new rules for your new life as a FAMILY. If your relationship survives, you both will be happier. If you do nothing, your husband will end up happy and you will end up miserable.

Good luck, mama!


Quoting ncohetero:

Sadly he does have friends that have kids and think the way he does. It feels like I'm in the twilight zone. The one friend of his that does have kids that actually likes to do everything with it is seen as a weirdo to everyone but me. 


Quoting Amberleigh81:

This ISN'T a breastfeeding issue.



This is a douchebag issue. And your SO is one. Seriously.



Poor guy. He chose to procreate and bring innocent children into this world and now he can't party all the time and do whatever he wants. Wah...



I have an issue with people who DON'T think life changes with parenthood. My husband and I waited for almost a decade to have kids. We knew we needed to be totally ready to be parents. My husband used to be very selfish about his time and toys, so I do understand that attitude. He just grew up and is now the most amazing husband and father. He is mature enough to handle his responsibilities.



I would suggest finding a group of husbands/fathers for your husband to know. I bet all of his friends are childless or single. He needs to make a new social circle since he chose to be a family man.


Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
MamaDee83
by on Dec. 15, 2012 at 10:27 AM

Yep!!!!

Quoting Amberleigh81:

This ISN'T a breastfeeding issue.

This is a douchebag issue. And your SO is one. Seriously.

Poor guy. He chose to procreate and bring innocent children into this world and now he can't party all the time and do whatever he wants. Wah...

I have an issue with people who DON'T think life changes with parenthood. My husband and I waited for almost a decade to have kids. We knew we needed to be totally ready to be parents. My husband used to be very selfish about his time and toys, so I do understand that attitude. He just grew up and is now the most amazing husband and father. He is mature enough to handle his responsibilities.

I would suggest finding a group of husbands/fathers for your husband to know. I bet all of his friends are childless or single. He needs to make a new social circle since he chose to be a family man.


MamaLub
by on Dec. 15, 2012 at 11:33 AM
2 moms liked this
I love how men complain about how hard pregnancy, birth and breastfeeding are for THEM. Poor babies.
Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
Eliots_momma
by Jessica on Dec. 15, 2012 at 11:48 AM

 My hubby learned along time ago that baby comes first. Hang in there! You are doing what is best for your baby, husband just needs to grow up!

While breastfeeding may not seem the right choice for every parent, it is the best choice for every baby.  ~Amy Spangler

ncohetero
by on Dec. 15, 2012 at 11:54 AM
You might be right. I've just been so paranoid about losing my supply


Quoting Misash103:

IMO what's bothering him isn't the bf and pumping. It's probably that he is feeling lonely. Sounds like y'all need a date night; one free from kids and the pump. Go. Have fun. Your body is making enough that skipping one or two feeds/pumps I not going to affect your supply. Sounds like he needs sone attention. I bet if y'all do this, his complaining will stop. Just my opinion.

Posted on CafeMom Mobile
Precious333
by Group Mod-Julia on Dec. 15, 2012 at 11:58 AM
wow.....his attitude would not fly by me! he really needs to grow up. So sorry he is acting this way :(

do u have other suppirt around u? check out www.llli.org they have monthly breastfeeding support meetings for moms.
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
justone_jen
by Jen on Dec. 15, 2012 at 12:02 PM
Haha, right? How ever do they survive?!

Quoting MamaLub:

I love how men complain about how hard pregnancy, birth and breastfeeding are for THEM. Poor babies.
Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
justone_jen
by Jen on Dec. 15, 2012 at 12:14 PM
1 mom liked this
All of this. Simply put, fuck all that.

My partner and I don't restrict each others social life, but we're both very much aware that our child takes precedence, and that we split the responsibility. It's all about balance.


Quoting Julia.C:

This runs through me - can't stand this. 

I know what I would do if it was my husband, but that's probably not a good idea if you want to keep the peace.  I would sweetly suggest you forcefully lay down the law when it comes to your children ( which seems apparent that you are already doing it )  ;)  From what you've written it also seems like he is just complaining and whining ( which, although tiring on the spirit ) is usually handled by " ignoring " - I would just completely ignore everything he was saying. 

Smile and in a very sarcastic tone say OK - YOU GOT IT - YOU'RE THE BOSS - YOU RULE - PARTY TIME - TUBULAR - FUN - PUMP IT UP - LET ME GO GET MY HOT PANTS ON - YOU GOT THE LIQUOR READY - LETS DO THIS.   ::: I imagine you saying that while the breast pump is going to work :::    

To be honest, I think you already know in your heart what is best and I send you the energy to put up with his verbal manipulation and not let it bother you.  Men can be tools, just don't let him make you compromise something that is so good for your baby.

Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)