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My husband would rather I give up

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Breastfeeding altogether that is. I've chosen to exclusively pump but even when I was putting baby directly on my breast i still got complaints. He thinks I spend too much time making milk as he puts it. Says I'm lazy because the majority of my day is taking care of both the kids and pumping milk. But this is important. My kids come first. I'm mommy. And yes I need to pump every two to three hours, its necessary.

He just doesn't get it. He sees the milk piling up in the freezer and tells me that its enough. What's the point of storing it if I'm just going to keep adding to all that. He says I make enough that I don't have to do it so often. But I don't know how many times I could explain that I'm making enough because of my feeding schedule.

I feel like he just resents me at times. People around us are able to go out to parties, movies, etc on a whim and he feels I'm holding him back from it all and making marriage and life in general boring for him at this point. But he doesn't feel comfortable with me whipping my boob for nursing or pumping when people are around. I do draw the line when its family. Screw that they could deal with it. But if anyone else is around I either have to skip a feeding or seclude myself in a room till I'm done.

I just had an appt for wic and he told me to as for formula. I said I would not and he just kept trying to come up with excuses for me to do so. Like "oh but you'll be able to sleep more." It's just so discouraging.

Idk what to do. I don't want him to get so fed up with his "boring" life because I'm actually choosing to breastfeed. But I dont want to give up producing and feeding my baby what's best. Sorry for the long post. But its been eating at me and I had to get it out.
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by on Dec. 14, 2012 at 4:07 AM
Replies (81-90):
by Gina on Dec. 15, 2012 at 1:27 PM
3 moms liked this

Going to a lactation consultant is a good idea.

Going to a MARRIAGE COUNSELOR is a better one. See one ASAP, to avoid needing to see a divorce lawyer.

by on Dec. 15, 2012 at 1:41 PM

#1 - sit down and calmly ask what is really going on.  Is he feeling displaced?  If so, some TLC might be needed for him.  As moms, sometimes we forget our men.  :)  Flirt with him.  I know it is hard, but he needs to be reminded he is important too.  Usually stress about bf is due to our man's insecurity about SOMETHING OTHER THAN bf.  :)  They just pick something to pick at and run with it. 

#2 - Remind him this is BEST for baby.  Period.  Show him what formula is MADE him studies about food allergies, child hood obesity, how FF kids tend to be more sick, etc.

#3  -  Remind him what motherhood is about - raising our children right.  Breastfeeding is more than a boob - it is loving, nurturing, and closeness.  Giving our kids security. 

#4 - Foster a close relationship between him and baby.  Feed baby, and give him a happy fed baby to play with. :)

if all else fails...squirt him in the  I hope that made you laugh.  :)  

by on Dec. 15, 2012 at 1:44 PM
What an ass hole. Tell him to grow up and stop being petty and jealous
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by on Dec. 15, 2012 at 1:51 PM
My husband was so supportive.I am incredibly sorry yours isnt. I didn't breastfeed my oldest because I didn't have any support or education.But I did research,found resources,and was lucky to have a strong support system with my second,third and fourth. :)
You can do this!!!!!!
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by on Dec. 15, 2012 at 2:23 PM

What is your personal goal? 

Would it help to tell him "Honey, I love you and I know it must be hard for you to watch me struggle with this. I really need your support because this is very important to me and I'm trying to give our child the best that I can. Exclusive pumping is REALLY hard and it takes a lot of work. I want to make it to at least (?) months. I've made it this far and only have (?) months left to go until I meet that goal and then I'm okay with weaning. Can you please support me in this? It would mean so much to me." 

by on Dec. 15, 2012 at 3:29 PM
I'd tell him where to shove it! U do what's right for u and the baby, not what's right for him!
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by Bronze Member on Dec. 15, 2012 at 3:34 PM

I would sit down, print out a list of benefits to breastmilk..

and ask him point blank..

Is me, being lazy and sleeping in, really more beneficial that reducing my risks to breast cancer? 

Is me, stay home and spending time bonding with my children, and reducing their risks to obesity, and reducing my risk in osteoporosis, more important than getting drunk with a couple of friends? 

(just examples of course.. )

But really lay out there for him like that!!

If he still doesn't get it, I would suggest he seriously consider counselling with you, or perhaps reconsidering marriage and parenthood!!!!

by on Dec. 15, 2012 at 3:42 PM
1 mom liked this

I wish my husband could talk to your husband. We're young too. Know what my husband does? He works an extremely stressful job and CHOOSES to work OT (so at least 10 hours a day) so we have enough money to get by. Then when he comes home, he helps take care of dd, plays with her, and helps me with anything I need. And NEVER complains about it. He never goes out and parties. He does play xbox and Minecraft, but he either does it on his days off after dd and I go to bed, or he plays on the computer while we're all hanging out but stops to help whenever is needed.

Your dh chose to have kids. HE chose to get married. That means growing up and acting like an adult. It means that your marriage and children and your priority. That you do what's best for your FAMILY - there's no time to be selfish anymore. He needs to get over himself or he's going to lose all of you. Because sooner or later you're going to get sick of his attitude.

Quoting ncohetero:

It really is hard and it was a decision that I made to benefit us all so I had more freedom to do things for him and around the house since I have bottles ready to be used at any moment. And its like he doesnt get I have all that milk ready to use because I pump around the clock.

Let me tell him that being a father requires certain responsibilities and partying is not one of them. His reasoning is father or not he is still young and that's what you do before being old. He definitely is my third child

Quoting MumsTheWord571:

Holy shit.

He needs to grow up! He decided to be a dad. That involves stopping the partying and being a DAD! Shocker!

Exclusively pumping is HARD. Kudos to you for doing it.

Go to Print out 101 reasons to breastfeed. Then show him the price for a single can of formula... Multiply that by 4 (at least) then by 12. A year! Vs free mommy milk + the cost of bags.

by on Dec. 15, 2012 at 3:43 PM

Exactly. This is a much bigger issue than pumping/breastfeeding.

Quoting gdiamante:

Going to a lactation consultant is a good idea.

Going to a MARRIAGE COUNSELOR is a better one. See one ASAP, to avoid needing to see a divorce lawyer.

by Gina on Dec. 15, 2012 at 4:43 PM
2 moms liked this

His reasoning is father or not he is still young and that's what you do before being old. 


Warning: Rough language ahead!

The INSTANT he fathered a child... the INSTANT it happened... he ceased being young. He became an OLD MAN with and OLD MAN'S responsibilities. That means caring for his wife and children.

If he wasn't ready for that, he should have had a vasectomy before dipping his wick ever.


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