Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Breastfeeding Moms Breastfeeding Moms

I feel bad.

Posted by on Jan. 27, 2013 at 4:34 PM
  • 34 Replies

I feel like I'm supposed to LOVE breastfeeding. I feel like I should be all, "YAY BREASTFEEDING!" and "Everything's going great, I'm so happy!" and that I SHOULD be happy. I was trying to talk to a friend of the family about nursing her baby. She was asking questions and I was answering her. The whole time, I felt so fake. Of course I support BFing and I'm proud of all who do it, and I'm jealous of those who have a great nursing experience. I tried explaining to her that it will get better, the first couple weeks are the hardest, it stops hurting, it gets easier, she'll love it...but that's just because it's what I've heard. I know it's best for Baby and I told her that as well. But I...

I hate nursing. Hate. It. DD is 7.5 months old, it's still painful. Horribly painful. I've seen several different people about what I think is a lip tie. It HAS stretched a tiny bit since birth, but not by much. I don't know how 'bad' it has to be for anyone to take notice. At first I mentioned it to my pediatrician. She looked at it, said nothing about it, then referred me to an ENT. He said to see a Lactation Consultant before he took any action, but he was weary cutting it because he'd never cut a lip tie on an infant before, and then admitted to not really having much knowledge on lip ties, just tongue ties. I went to see an LC. She said DD's latch seemed fine (it's not...), and that if I wanted, I could try taking her to a dentist. (Then she, too, said she wasn't experienced in lip ties.) So I went to a ped dentist who DOES do lip ties, and she just said, "She'll probably have a little gap in her teeth," gave me a toothbrush for DD and sent me on my way.

Then I moved to NY a little over a month ago, saw a new ped doctor for a well-check, and they said they didn't have any concrete evidence that cutting it would do anything, and they don't cut until the child is having issues with speech. When I tried saying it was painful, the lady was like, "Oh was it red? -So there was a blister?  -It was raw?" (She kept cutting me off! I finally spit out ON ME IT HURTS ON ME) Then the actual doctor came in after reading her notes and was like, "Oh it's not that bad. Come back in 3 months for another well check."

Rambling. But the point is that I feel like a liar when I talk about nursing and how it's so great. Because I'm lying. It always hurts, some times more than others. I hate it, and I wish I could be done. I'm not loving it. Nursing isn't giving me a spectacular bond with my baby-We do have a bond, but it's because I'm mommy, and up until last month she's really only ever been around me, DH, and DS. I'm her caretaker. Not because we breastfeed. I like that I'm giving her the healthiest choice, it's free, she's HAPPY, it's quick...but inside, I CANNOT WAIT for her to be done. My goal is 1 year. If she's still going strong, I will let her keep going and wean her off at 2. But if I'm still feeling this way at a year, I'm sorry, Baby, but you're getting cut off. And it makes me feel guilty. What kind of Mom can't wait to get her baby off the boob? Everytime she's hungry, I think, "This would be so much better if it WASN'T like this."

Well. Kudos for reading the whole thing if you did. I know it's wasn't put together very well. I just kind of kept going, didn't I? lol. Long story short, I hate nursing, and I feel like a failure for feeling this way.

by on Jan. 27, 2013 at 4:34 PM
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Replies (1-10):
melindabelcher
by mel on Jan. 27, 2013 at 4:50 PM
2 moms liked this
((hugs))
Check out dr kotlow in NY. He should be able to cut it the same day.

Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
BennyBaby09
by Member on Jan. 27, 2013 at 4:51 PM
I wish I could give you a hug and some wonderful insight, but in this situation I can't. It sounds like the medical community has failed you terribly. Is there anyway you could find a dr in your area that is well versed in lip ties? I know with my first he had a very bad tongue tie and if I had not gotten it clipped right away I would not have breastfed for very long. Kiddos to you for making it so long while still bring in so much pain, I'm sure that has been, unpleasant, to say the least.
Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
B1Bomber
by on Jan. 27, 2013 at 4:54 PM
1 mom liked this

I can't wait to be done breastfeeding either, and I've only just started. We're having latching issues (that disappear for the lactation consultants - I've seen two different ones), he HATES the shield (but can't latch enough to eat without it), and pumping is such a hassle. You are not the only one :)

AngryBob
by Member on Jan. 27, 2013 at 4:55 PM
I hate breast feeding. And I produce great, have minimal problems. It's just annoying. I want my body to be mine, but I can't have it.
If I formula fed (which I have, not by choice), I'd be feeding all the time, too. Just as annoying, only I'd have more shit to clean. Sure, I feel bonded, love my kids, all that great stuff. But when you really think about it, it's an annoying chore. Just like bathing them, wiping boogers, entertaining, cleaning, all that. It doesn't have to be glamorous, rainbows and butterflies and singing angels. It doesn't have to be entertaining, or exciting. But it is still an awesome feat to do, and it is the best thing for them.
And naps. Naps are great, too.
Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
maggiemom2000
by Ruby Member on Jan. 27, 2013 at 4:55 PM
2 moms liked this

Hugs to you! You have not gotten the support you need. If course you hate it!

I'm convinced your baby has a lip tie and tongue tie. Everything you describe says so. The doc who told you there is no evidence that getting it clipped will help is 100% WRONG. There is excellent researched based info on it, and the results are astounding. Not just statistically significant, but astounding.

When I get on my computer I'll send you some links (maybe I can paste a web address) but if you are in NY that means you are near the single most knowledgable doctor regarding lip tie/tongue tie. And breastfeeding in the entire country!

You need to take your baby to see Dr Kotlow in Albany, NY. Seriously.

Check out this article and all of the links in it so that you can finally get the help you deserve!

http://thebreastfeedingmother.blogspot.com/2012/09/breastfeeding-baby-with-lip-and.html

AngryBob
by Member on Jan. 27, 2013 at 4:55 PM
I hate breast feeding. And I produce great, have minimal problems. It's just annoying. I want my body to be mine, but I can't have it.
If I formula fed (which I have, not by choice), I'd be feeding all the time, too. Just as annoying, only I'd have more shit to clean. Sure, I feel bonded, love my kids, all that great stuff. But when you really think about it, it's an annoying chore. Just like bathing them, wiping boogers, entertaining, cleaning, all that. It doesn't have to be glamorous, rainbows and butterflies and singing angels. It doesn't have to be entertaining, or exciting. But it is still an awesome feat to do, and it is the best thing for them.
And naps. Naps are great, too.
Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
AngryBob
by Member on Jan. 27, 2013 at 4:56 PM
Ps find someone and make them cut that poor kid's lip tie! You'll feel Mich better about the whole thing. Hope you feel better.
Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
Francess33
by on Jan. 27, 2013 at 4:57 PM

Wow, you're going through a lot! Breastfeeding vs. bottle feeding/formula has caused you a great deal of pain, anguish and guilt. Are you a loving mom? Do you give your daughter everything she needs? Yes? Then the point is not whether you breastfeed or give your baby formula, it's whether or not you love your daughter and care for her.  Which you do! It shows because of your guilt over not enjoying this most maternal of instincts. 

Forgive yourself and do what's best for you and your daughter, even if it means giving up breastfeeding. It's a tough decision, I know, but if you're not happy than neither is your daughter. I think her wellbeing is more important than breast vs bottle. And you're not a failure! Motherhood is a long, difficult journey but one of the most satisfying and rewarding. Society should not dictate what is best for every single mother in America. 

Good luck no matter what you do!

Mrs.Brugger
by on Jan. 27, 2013 at 5:04 PM

Thanks everyone. I just feel like such a failure. I failed at nursing my son right off the bat. I REFUSE to fail this time.

Mrs.Brugger
by on Jan. 27, 2013 at 5:05 PM
1 mom liked this

Thank you. I'll look into it. Thankfully I don't work so I should be able to make a road trip out there =] It's only a few hours I think.

Quoting maggiemom2000:

Hugs to you! You have not gotten the support you need. If course you hate it!

I'm convinced your baby has a lip tie and tongue tie. Everything you describe says so. The doc who told you there is no evidence that getting it clipped will help is 100% WRONG. There is excellent researched based info on it, and the results are astounding. Not just statistically significant, but astounding.

When I get on my computer I'll send you some links (maybe I can paste a web address) but if you are in NY that means you are near the single most knowledgable doctor regarding lip tie/tongue tie. And breastfeeding in the entire country!

You need to take your baby to see Dr Kotlow in Albany, NY. Seriously.

Check out this article and all of the links in it so that you can finally get the help you deserve!

http://thebreastfeedingmother.blogspot.com/2012/09/breastfeeding-baby-with-lip-and.html


Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)