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I feel like I'm supposed to LOVE breastfeeding. I feel like I should be all, "YAY BREASTFEEDING!" and "Everything's going great, I'm so happy!" and that I SHOULD be happy. I was trying to talk to a friend of the family about nursing her baby. She was asking questions and I was answering her. The whole time, I felt so fake. Of course I support BFing and I'm proud of all who do it, and I'm jealous of those who have a great nursing experience. I tried explaining to her that it will get better, the first couple weeks are the hardest, it stops hurting, it gets easier, she'll love it...but that's just because it's what I've heard. I know it's best for Baby and I told her that as well. But I...

I hate nursing. Hate. It. DD is 7.5 months old, it's still painful. Horribly painful. I've seen several different people about what I think is a lip tie. It HAS stretched a tiny bit since birth, but not by much. I don't know how 'bad' it has to be for anyone to take notice. At first I mentioned it to my pediatrician. She looked at it, said nothing about it, then referred me to an ENT. He said to see a Lactation Consultant before he took any action, but he was weary cutting it because he'd never cut a lip tie on an infant before, and then admitted to not really having much knowledge on lip ties, just tongue ties. I went to see an LC. She said DD's latch seemed fine (it's not...), and that if I wanted, I could try taking her to a dentist. (Then she, too, said she wasn't experienced in lip ties.) So I went to a ped dentist who DOES do lip ties, and she just said, "She'll probably have a little gap in her teeth," gave me a toothbrush for DD and sent me on my way.

Then I moved to NY a little over a month ago, saw a new ped doctor for a well-check, and they said they didn't have any concrete evidence that cutting it would do anything, and they don't cut until the child is having issues with speech. When I tried saying it was painful, the lady was like, "Oh was it red? -So there was a blister?  -It was raw?" (She kept cutting me off! I finally spit out ON ME IT HURTS ON ME) Then the actual doctor came in after reading her notes and was like, "Oh it's not that bad. Come back in 3 months for another well check."

Rambling. But the point is that I feel like a liar when I talk about nursing and how it's so great. Because I'm lying. It always hurts, some times more than others. I hate it, and I wish I could be done. I'm not loving it. Nursing isn't giving me a spectacular bond with my baby-We do have a bond, but it's because I'm mommy, and up until last month she's really only ever been around me, DH, and DS. I'm her caretaker. Not because we breastfeed. I like that I'm giving her the healthiest choice, it's free, she's HAPPY, it's quick...but inside, I CANNOT WAIT for her to be done. My goal is 1 year. If she's still going strong, I will let her keep going and wean her off at 2. But if I'm still feeling this way at a year, I'm sorry, Baby, but you're getting cut off. And it makes me feel guilty. What kind of Mom can't wait to get her baby off the boob? Everytime she's hungry, I think, "This would be so much better if it WASN'T like this."

Well. Kudos for reading the whole thing if you did. I know it's wasn't put together very well. I just kind of kept going, didn't I? lol. Long story short, I hate nursing, and I feel like a failure for feeling this way.

by on Jan. 27, 2013 at 4:34 PM
Replies (21-30):
catholicmamamia
by on Jan. 28, 2013 at 12:08 AM

Quoting maggiemom2000: Hugs to you! You have not gotten the support you need. If course you hate it! I'm convinced your baby has a lip tie and tongue tie. Everything you describe says so. The doc who told you there is no evidence that getting it clipped will help is 100% WRONG. There is excellent researched based info on it, and the results are astounding. Not just statistically significant, but astounding....  but if you are in NY that means you are near the single most knowledgable doctor regarding lip tie/tongue tie. And breastfeeding in the entire country! You need to take your baby to see Dr Kotlow in Albany, NY. Seriously. Check out this article and all of the links in it so that you can finally get the help you deserve!
http://thebreastfeedingmother.blogspot.com/2012/09/breastfeeding-baby-with-lip-and.html

 


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GoodyBrook
by Silver Member on Jan. 28, 2013 at 1:51 AM

The happiest day of my life was when DS self-weaned! 

The first 6 weeks of breastfeeding him were so ridiculously painful that I resented the little dude.  The next 6 months were painful, but I accepted the pain.  Then the next 11 months were barely endurable, but we soldiered on.  I actually looked forward to pumping at work because at least I wasn't in pain!  (My nickname for my breastpump is the "meatgrinder," so you know that DS was a terrible nurser if I'd rather put my breast into the meatgrinder than nurse him!)  :)

I think my LO had both a lip and tongue tie, but the Pedi and midwife and LC didn't agree that it was bad enough to clip.  Bad enough for him or me?!  After a couple months I foolishly stopped looking for confirmation of my suspicions and just dealt with the pain...

I hope that you take the steps to get to a specialist!  Breastfeeding isn't fun, but it shouldn't be painful.  :(

SaraSnider
by Bronze Member on Jan. 28, 2013 at 1:57 AM
1 mom liked this
I cant wait for ds to get off my boob and he is only 4months. Nothing even hurts i just want my boobs back. Your not horrible and im sorry its still hurts and u feel fake. I wish you the best :)
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Sunflower_rn
by on Jan. 28, 2013 at 6:43 AM

Hugs to you momma an applause to posting. The other post where it is not all rainbows, applause! I haven't had any serious issues, some latch issues. not ties just I think her chin is so severely recessed, I call it lazy latch. She is only 7 weeks I am told she will outgrow it. I also think my boobs are too huge for her:/ not to mention I have two other children, teens, I feel like I ignore cause I am ALWAYS feeding her and because of the latch I have to sit in my bf chair propped just right or we both get frustrated. Kuddos to those who can walk around with your kid on your boob, wish we could then I could get something done. Kudos to you with sticking with it and to all mms who do it is best and I think in the end we will be glad we stuck with it!

Starshine-bela
by Leah on Jan. 28, 2013 at 7:29 AM
Sorry it has been so frustrating and painful for you. But don't feel bad for hating it. I've had minimal problems and I'm still not a fan of it. I give you a lot of credit for sticking it out for so long despite hating it. Your LO is lucky to have a mom as strong as you are. Just remember the most important part is a healthy baby, which you have. Hope the dr everyone has been recommending to you can help.
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Mrs.Brugger
by Bronze Member on Jan. 28, 2013 at 8:05 AM

Same here. Which then makes my 4 year old frustrated because I can't play with him. =[

Quoting Sunflower_rn:

Hugs to you momma an applause to posting. The other post where it is not all rainbows, applause! I haven't had any serious issues, some latch issues. not ties just I think her chin is so severely recessed, I call it lazy latch. She is only 7 weeks I am told she will outgrow it. I also think my boobs are too huge for her:/ not to mention I have two other children, teens, I feel like I ignore cause I am ALWAYS feeding her and because of the latch I have to sit in my bf chair propped just right or we both get frustrated. Kuddos to those who can walk around with your kid on your boob, wish we could then I could get something done. Kudos to you with sticking with it and to all mms who do it is best and I think in the end we will be glad we stuck with it!


MusherMaggie
by Platinum Member on Jan. 28, 2013 at 1:38 PM
1 mom liked this
You are not a failure!! The "professionals" who have talked to you have failed you! Insist on the tie being cut. Also, a lip tie can also mean a posterior tongue tie, which is very hard to spot. Did you talk to an International Board Certified LC? If not, search one out. Just calling oneself LC does not make it so. Kellymom.com has an excellent article on lip and tongue ties.
momalee40
by on Jan. 28, 2013 at 1:49 PM
So sorry you have been hurting for so long ! I enjoyed bf both of my other babies, actually looked forward to the excuse of " sorry, gotta feed the baby " one of my nieces tried so hard but her lo had a tie at the back and there wasnt anything to be done. She is going to try again with her next one.
K8wizzo
by Kate on Jan. 28, 2013 at 1:50 PM

Self Help



Tongue Tie Help    Latch Help

Is My Baby Tongue-tied?

Now that more mothers are breastfeeding, tongue-tie (ankyloglossia) is on the forefront of medical research again. Some tongue-tied babies breastfeed without difficulty, others cause their mother pain, don't get enough milk, or have difficulty swallowing properly and are very unhappy during and after feeding.

If you are concerned that your baby may be tongue-tied, the following may help you decide if you need more help. An IBCLC (International Board Certified Lactation Consultant) can help with breastfeeding, and many different dentists and doctors can help if your baby needs treatment for tongue-tie. Seehttp://www.lowmilksupply.org/frenotomy.shtml for a list of doctors and dentists who are particularly good at diagnosing and treating tongue-tie.

The first thing to assess is whether your baby can stick out his or her tongue. If you touch your baby's lips, he will probably open his mouth. You can then touch the front of his lower gum with your fingertip. This makes him stick the tongue out. We want to see the tongue come out flat over the lip, without dipping down or pointing down. If your baby can only stick his tongue out when his mouth is closed, that can indicate a posterior (further back) tongue-tie.


Next, we want to see if your baby can lift her tongue way up to the roof of the mouth. All the way up is perfect, half way is enough for most babies to be able to breastfeed. Again, her mouth should be wide open. Most tongue-tied babies can only lift their tongues when their mouths are mostly closed.


Obvious and Sneakier Tongue-ties:

This baby (figure 3) has an obvious tongue-tie. You can see the membrane right at the front of the tongue, and you can see how it makes it hard for him to lift his tongue up.

figure 3

The baby in figure 4 is also tongue-tied. If you run your finger along the outside of a baby's lower gum, her tongue will try to follow. If the tongue twists like this, it's a sign of tongue-tie.

figure 4

The baby in figure 5 has a sneaky (posterior) tongue-tie. You can see that it is difficult to get a finger under the tongue. If you press on the front of the little membrane under the tongue (the frenulum), a tied tongue will pull down in the center like this. This shows that the frenulum is tight and does not allow the tongue to move well. This diagnostic trick is called the Murphy Maneuver after Dr. Jim Murphy of California.

figure 5

Figure 6 shows a very sneaky tongue-tie - a posterior or submucosal one. The frenulum (membrane holding the tongue down) is hiding behind the floor of the mouth (the oral mucosa). You can see that the tongue doesn't lift very well, and that the floor of the mouth is tented out a little.

figure 6
figure 7

Notice how when the baby in figure 6 tries to lift her tongue (figure 7), nothing at all is visible except the limited ability to lift the tongue up.

Again, some babies with posterior or submucosal tongue-tie can breastfeed, others have a lot of difficulty. Moms breast and nipple shape and milk supply can make things easier or more difficult for the baby.

The best way to diagnose a posterior tongue-tie is to lift the tongue with a grooved director. Doctors who treat tongue-tie usually have one.


The final thing to do is watch your baby cry. If only the edges of the tongue curl up like in figure 9, that's a sure sign that the frenulum is tight.

figure 9

Now that you have an idea whether your baby has normal tongue movement ability or not, you can decide what kind of help may be most useful.

K8wizzo
by Kate on Jan. 28, 2013 at 1:54 PM
1 mom liked this

My boys both have lip ties and posterior tongue ties (they often occur together), and I have them as well.  Take both your kids to see Dr. Kotlow to get clipped--you will be so happy that you did.  Posterior tongue ties are often missed because the tongue is able to extend past the lips so untrained doctors think it's fine, but that's not the motion that determines successful breastfeeding.  Bottom line: if it hurts you, the latch is NOT okay and the tie IS enough to be a problem.

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