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Breastfeeding Moms Breastfeeding Moms

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Posted by on Feb. 13, 2013 at 7:38 AM
  • 7 Replies
Hello! I really would like to talk about a few things. Breastfeeding is so important to me. I tried so hard to BF ds (he is almost 3 now) dh HATED bf. He made me feel ugly, and nasty. I would try to hide during feeding times. He would always find us, and roll his eyes saying" do you always have to have a tit in our sons mouth? " he made me question myself, as a first time mom.
Then ds was tongue tied :( it was very difficult to keep him latched. It was a struggle from all sides. I slowly started ff feeding to shut dh up, and to give ds and I a break. I didn't realize that he would nurse after his tounge was clipped. I didn't even realize that he was tounge tied! By the time we got it clipped, I was already completely ff.
Here I am ttc. I want to bf the baby once we get him/her, but I'm so scared of going through similar things. I made dh take breastfeeding classes with me during my first pregnancy b/c I knew it was going to be a problem. It didn't help.
Bf is so important to me! It should be my choice! I hated washing bottles. I didn't get postpartum until I couldn't bf anymore, and my milk dried up.
I guess I'm just asking if any of you have ever bf without support. Does anybody here have a dh who dissaproves of bf? What can I do next time better? I know were not pregnant yet, but I want to be prepared.
Thanks in advance.
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by on Feb. 13, 2013 at 7:38 AM
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Replies (1-7):
Mrs.Pedro
by Bronze Member on Feb. 13, 2013 at 8:12 AM
I would sit down and have a serious talk that there will be none of the crap he pulled on you before... List out everything he did that upset you so he knows exactly what you don't want him doing.
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destiny2nv
by on Feb. 13, 2013 at 8:35 AM
Thankyou! That is excellent advice. I will just have to lay down the law. Lol

Quoting Mrs.Pedro:

I would sit down and have a serious talk that there will be none of the crap he pulled on you before... List out everything he did that upset you so he knows exactly what you don't want him doing.
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mostlymaydays
by Group Mod-Stacy on Feb. 13, 2013 at 8:47 AM
That would be extremely hard to not have your partner's support. Honestly I'm not sure I could have made it through the hard parts without my dh's help and support. Plenty of other family mocked me, but my dh can be a bigger breastfeeding advocate than me. He's read all the research, too, and these are HIS kids that are benefitting here.

Does he give you a hard time about other things you don't agree on or is he completely fixated on the breastfeeding? As your husband, he should support YOU regardless of how he feels about what you have chosen. Every shred of research supports you, further validating your choice. He shouldn't be making fun of your weight, or your hair, or your career choices, or breastfeeding. It just doesn't have a place in a loving and respectful relationship. Really, what great harm is this doing to him anyway?!?!
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destiny2nv
by on Feb. 13, 2013 at 8:54 AM
It was only the breastfeeding. Other then that he is a perfect husband and father. He admitted he was jealous, and he felt like the baby was taking "his" boobs away.
How crazy is that!
You are right, he should support me on this. I just dont understand him on this. .


Quoting mostlymaydays:

That would be extremely hard to not have your partner's support. Honestly I'm not sure I could have made it through the hard parts without my dh's help and support. Plenty of other family mocked me, but my dh can be a bigger breastfeeding advocate than me. He's read all the research, too, and these are HIS kids that are benefitting here.



Does he give you a hard time about other things you don't agree on or is he completely fixated on the breastfeeding? As your husband, he should support YOU regardless of how he feels about what you have chosen. Every shred of research supports you, further validating your choice. He shouldn't be making fun of your weight, or your hair, or your career choices, or breastfeeding. It just doesn't have a place in a loving and respectful relationship. Really, what great harm is this doing to him anyway?!?!
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mostlymaydays
by Group Mod-Stacy on Feb. 13, 2013 at 9:05 AM
I'm going to try to give him the benefit of the doubt here. Maybe he thinks he's just being a smartass and doesn't realize how deeply hurtful this is to you. Tell him you are committed to being the best mother you can be and this is one if those ways you're doing that and he needs to respect you, even if that means nothing but keeping his trap shut about it. He needs to suspend what he wants for what the baby needs. It's such a short time. He will have you forever, right? It's a bit crazy to think a grown man would want to deprive his child of anything. I think he just needs some clarity on this and since its not coming on its own you may have to spell it out for him letter by letter.

Quoting destiny2nv:

It was only the breastfeeding. Other then that he is a perfect husband and father. He admitted he was jealous, and he felt like the baby was taking "his" boobs away.


How crazy is that!


You are right, he should support me on this. I just dont understand him on this. .




Quoting mostlymaydays:

That would be extremely hard to not have your partner's support. Honestly I'm not sure I could have made it through the hard parts without my dh's help and support. Plenty of other family mocked me, but my dh can be a bigger breastfeeding advocate than me. He's read all the research, too, and these are HIS kids that are benefitting here.







Does he give you a hard time about other things you don't agree on or is he completely fixated on the breastfeeding? As your husband, he should support YOU regardless of how he feels about what you have chosen. Every shred of research supports you, further validating your choice. He shouldn't be making fun of your weight, or your hair, or your career choices, or breastfeeding. It just doesn't have a place in a loving and respectful relationship. Really, what great harm is this doing to him anyway?!?!
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gdiamante
by Group Mod - Gina on Feb. 13, 2013 at 9:42 AM
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Quoting destiny2nv:

Hello! I really would like to talk about a few things. Breastfeeding is so important to me. I tried so hard to BF ds (he is almost 3 now) dh HATED bf. He made me feel ugly, and nasty. I would try to hide during feeding times. He would always find us, and roll his eyes saying" do you always have to have a tit in our sons mouth? " he made me question myself, as a first time mom.
GRRRRR! That question of his would be enough to make sure he NEVER saw a breast or anything else again. And he's NEVER be able to reproduce again because it would mean he hadn't done his research and if he hadn't done his research I wouldn't want him spreading the stupid gene any farther... I'd have enough to do helping baby #1 overcome it. 
Then ds was tongue tied :( it was very difficult to keep him latched. It was a struggle from all sides. I slowly started ff feeding to shut dh up, and to give ds and I a break. I didn't realize that he would nurse after his tounge was clipped. I didn't even realize that he was tounge tied! By the time we got it clipped, I was already completely ff.
It's done. No doing anything to shut Dad up. Tell him he is to do the research and if he cannot... THEN he is to shut up.
Here I am ttc. I want to bf the baby once we get him/her, but I'm so scared of going through similar things. I made dh take breastfeeding classes with me during my first pregnancy b/c I knew it was going to be a problem. It didn't help.
Bf is so important to me! It should be my choice! I hated washing bottles. I didn't get postpartum until I couldn't bf anymore, and my milk dried up.
I guess I'm just asking if any of you have ever bf without support. Does anybody here have a dh who dissaproves of bf? What can I do next time better? I know were not pregnant yet, but I want to be prepared.
Thanks in advance.

The only support you NEED is that of the Woman In Your Mirror. She's the ONLY one who'lll be with you forever.

Tell hubby to DO THE RESEARCH or SHUT THE HELL UP.

And yes, I'd seriously consider NOT TTC with someone who's going to be stupid and is going to belittle your efforts. The belittling is what gets me... it's a fast pass to divorce court.

gdiamante
by Group Mod - Gina on Feb. 13, 2013 at 9:45 AM
1 mom liked this

But they aren't his boobs.

They are YOURS and he gets the PRIVILEGE of having contact with them... a privilege his behavior could make him LOSE.

I am SOOOOO pissed for you... but I'd like to give him the benefit of the doubt too. So pick up a copy of "So That's What They're For" by Janet Tamaro and tell him to read it. You read it too. THen the two of you discuss it.

Also run down the cost of formula. Even if you're on WIC it's expensive because WIC no longer picks up the full cost. Where I am, we're talking $50/week for formula. What can he do with that money? Tell him to let you be and he can have that money for whatever he wants (provided it's legal!).

Quoting destiny2nv:

It was only the breastfeeding. Other then that he is a perfect husband and father. He admitted he was jealous, and he felt like the baby was taking "his" boobs away.
How crazy is that!
You are right, he should support me on this. I just dont understand him on this. . 
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