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Breastfeeding Moms Breastfeeding Moms

I offended a mom today at LLL

She had a 21 mo old and was asking about the safety of taking fenugreek and blessed thistle long-term.   I just said that I think she needs to ask herself if, at 21 months, it's still working for her, or if having a lower supply is OK since he's eating other foods, etc...

Apparently, she took major offence and told our leader she's never coming back and she thought she would be supported here and whatever.   

I feel bad she took offence, but she clearly took what I was trying to say wrong.   I guess I need to remember that some people are really touchy. 

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by on Mar. 13, 2013 at 4:28 PM
Replies (21-29):
LHummel
by on Mar. 14, 2013 at 2:47 AM

Its hard when you unintentionally offend someone and can't even resolve it with the person. Sounds like a bad day for her for whatever reason and you just were the wrong person at the wrong time. That has happened to me before its no fun. 

catholicmamamia
by on Mar. 14, 2013 at 2:58 AM
1 mom liked this

I'm sorry to hear that. Who knows what she had been experiencing or thinking to have that kind of reaction. I do not think your question was unreasonable or offensive... and, strictly playing devil's advocate here, even if it had been offensive, that is still no reason for her to say she is never returning over one person's question. It sounds like there are other issues at play here that have nothing to do with you or your question.


                
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lizzieiguana
by on Mar. 14, 2013 at 6:59 AM

other people have received so much contrary advice in addition to being kept up all night with a screaming toddler whose only real comfort is to nurse, that being 'touchy' is the mainstream way to call it - it is truly not eing supported as a Mom as well as probable lack of proper nutrition that she reacted thew a y she did. I know at times I was ready to do the same thing with family and friends! And undernourished? Nursing a 2 year old you need to have the high fat content in your milk to help them feel satisfied. Most people are warned away from fat and fat is vilified -but it is fat intake that supports your milk first (then the draw from whatever is on your body) but if your body is working to hard (IMO) making fat from your grain intake, then you experience a drop in your supply also because the body is using the water to make the chemistry happen at the same time milk is being produced.

Lack of support affects many people in profound ways.

I thought this post was going to be the other way around - offended someone at LLL because a 2 year old was nursed in public when they should have been weaned, etc. : D

LoveMyDog
by Member on Mar. 14, 2013 at 7:33 AM

If she is asking about the SAFETY andyou have no information about the safety perhapsyou should have kept your mouth shut and let the leader answer the scientific question.  Now if the leader had responded with "It has never been studiedlong term because they lose their effectiveness after two weeks..."  the conversation would have gone in a totally different direction.  It is a hard position to be in to have opened your mouth when you should have kept it shut.  But it is also the leaders responsibilityto jump in and shut you up when you step on the groups toes.  Sounds like your LLL is more of a chat fest than an information exchange. If she was looking for a more scientific evidenced based group then she is right for leaving.

LoveMyDog
by Member on Mar. 14, 2013 at 7:40 AM

Let me just continue my rant here a minute.  How are you any different from the doctor, nurse or dentist who doesn't look up if the drug you are taking is compatible with breastfeeding and just recommends that you pump and dump or wean because they are too lazy to look up the scientific evidence?  Hmmm? 

SewingMamaLele
by Leanne on Mar. 14, 2013 at 12:36 PM


Quoting LoveMyDog:

If she is asking about the SAFETY andyou have no information about the safety perhapsyou should have kept your mouth shut and let the leader answer the scientific question.  Now if the leader had responded with "It has never been studiedlong term because they lose their effectiveness after two weeks..."  the conversation would have gone in a totally different direction.  It is a hard position to be in to have opened your mouth when you should have kept it shut.  But it is also the leaders responsibilityto jump in and shut you up when you step on the groups toes.  Sounds like your LLL is more of a chat fest than an information exchange. If she was looking for a more scientific evidenced based group then she is right for leaving.

I've been a part of this group for 4 years... the leader actually looked to me before answering because she wasn't sure about the safety either, and we both basically said that it's generally used short term (but then the leader went to go look and see if she could find any info regarding safety).  

It's la leche, it's not just the leader answering questions, everyone shares info and experience.   That's the point of the group.   If she wanted "scientific evidence", then she should have sought out a lactation consultant (we actually had one in attendance).   I certainly wasn't stepping on any toes within the group.

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SewingMamaLele
by Leanne on Mar. 14, 2013 at 12:39 PM


Quoting LoveMyDog:

Let me just continue my rant here a minute.  How are you any different from the doctor, nurse or dentist who doesn't look up if the drug you are taking is compatible with breastfeeding and just recommends that you pump and dump or wean because they are too lazy to look up the scientific evidence?  Hmmm? 

How is that at all comparable?  

It's more like when a mom comes in here and asks how to increase her low supply and instead of directly answering the question we first ask "How have you determined that you have a low supply?".   Often it's more helpful to get to the root of the issue rather than directly answering the surface question (which we did as well). 

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maggiemom2000
by Ruby Member on Mar. 14, 2013 at 6:17 PM


Quoting LoveMyDog:

Let me just continue my rant here a minute.  How are you any different from the doctor, nurse or dentist who doesn't look up if the drug you are taking is compatible with breastfeeding and just recommends that you pump and dump or wean because they are too lazy to look up the scientific evidence?  Hmmm? 

I don't see it that way. The first thing is, do you really need the medicine, THEN is it safe. Many moms are taking fenugreek (and/or other galactagogues) when they don't really need to. Are you sure you still need to take it is a fair question. If the answer is yes, then you look into the is it safe question.

oliver92
by on Mar. 15, 2013 at 1:30 AM

I guess she probably needs to lighten up and perhaps not ask for your opinion if she dosent want it.  I wouldnt let it bother you, ofcourse you feel bad, but she asked and you answered....

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