Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Breastfeeding Moms Breastfeeding Moms

Friend Never attempted BF :(

Posted by on Apr. 3, 2013 at 1:58 AM
  • 34 Replies

One of my best friends has two girls and NEVER even attempted breastfeeding. She says "she doesn't like to be touched"...(I have NO clue how she got pregnant then...lol) anyways. She always says "if it's so natural then why do so many moms struggle?" and when I say my baby isn't sleeping all night yet she says "I don't understand BFing moms, my kids slept through the night after 3 weeks...formula sits longer" She even gives her kids baby cereal at 2 months!!! I know I know...It's not my business...but she is pregnant again...and it's her last, (she has to have a hysterectomy after this one due to bad endo). I don't want her to miss out. I've told her that it's natural but it doesn't always come natural to all moms right away. I told her that bm doesn't "sit" as long as formula because it's SO perfect for baby. I even talk about how much I love it and the connection I feel with baby...I REALLY want her to just give it a try this time. I have to be careful not to be too pushy becuase she got upset about me just talking about it before and said "I just don't WANT to!" But...after talking to her she said she may try, just for a few months and mostly pump because she doesn't like the idea of putting baby to breast. But I also know this is mostly because she wants her breast to dry up less painfully...but I guess atleast baby would get SOME milk which is better than none...Any advice? 

*Sorry so long!*

by on Apr. 3, 2013 at 1:58 AM
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Replies (1-10):
SadieJames
by Sarah on Apr. 3, 2013 at 2:01 AM
1 mom liked this

There really isn't much you can do.  You can encourage and be there for her.  Don't be pushy - she will reject pushy advice.  It's so hard when you're in that situation.  I have a friend who magically lost all breastmilk at a week with her twins... Then later admitted she just didnt want to breastfeed.  I would much rather someone just say they don't want to than make up a bunch of bad excuses.

polkaspots
by Gold Member on Apr. 3, 2013 at 2:03 AM
It's free. She won't have to make bottles in the middle of the night. Tell her she could pump and use bottles during the day and nurse at night. Breastfed baby poop barely smells and formula poo smells terrible. Lower chances of baby getting sick. It helps most women lose the baby weight faster.
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
Journeysmama11
by on Apr. 3, 2013 at 2:06 AM

Yea, she told me she put her youngest to the breast but she just wouldn't latch so she said, "she wouldn't latch so I couldn't"...in reality she didn't want to put in the effort...babies don't latch the first time. but she has admitted she didn't want to try because she was "too emotional" from other things going on in her life. I can't imagine the boob pain though letting them dry up. Mine were LITERALLY the size of basketballs about 3 days after my son was born and I had to hold them up because I thought they would fall off if I didn't! LOL! and ran to my pump to get relief! (I have to pump right off the bat because I over produce a ton...I pumped 8 oz on day 2 and 3 after my kids were born!)

Quoting SadieJames:

There really isn't much you can do.  You can encourage and be there for her.  Don't be pushy - she will reject pushy advice.  It's so hard when you're in that situation.  I have a friend who magically lost all breastmilk at a week with her twins... Then later admitted she just didnt want to breastfeed.  I would much rather someone just say they don't want to than make up a bunch of bad excuses.


outstandingLove
by on Apr. 3, 2013 at 2:06 AM
1 mom liked this

I don't like being touched either but i love EBFing my baby!

gdiamante
by Group Mod - Gina on Apr. 3, 2013 at 2:08 AM
4 moms liked this

At this point, I'd say, "If you have questions, ask." And leave it in her court and never say another word unless asked.

Journeysmama11
by on Apr. 3, 2013 at 2:09 AM

I know! I wonder if she knows the sick thing. She complains ALL the time because her kids are ALWAYS sick. She had to take her first daughter to the ER within her first 2 weeks of life. and her second before she was a month old. :/ and they literally are sick ALL the time! And that's the other thing that bothers me. She really can't afford to NOT breastfeed. She complains ALL the time and I mean daily to me about money. How she ran out of diapers and needs to borrow some...(which I've been there before too...) but atleast do the one thing that is FREE when it comes to babies. I hate that ff moms (who could have bf) compain about money...it's FREE!!!

Quoting polkaspots:

It's free. She won't have to make bottles in the middle of the night. Tell her she could pump and use bottles during the day and nurse at night. Breastfed baby poop barely smells and formula poo smells terrible. Lower chances of baby getting sick. It helps most women lose the baby weight faster.


polkaspots
by Gold Member on Apr. 3, 2013 at 2:14 AM
Poor kids. Remind her that she'll never have to try again since she's not having anymore kids. I'm sure she already knows that it won't do her boobs any damage.


Quoting Journeysmama11:

I know! I wonder if she knows the sick thing. She complains ALL the time because her kids are ALWAYS sick. She had to take her first daughter to the ER within her first 2 weeks of life. and her second before she was a month old. :/ and they literally are sick ALL the time! And that's the other thing that bothers me. She really can't afford to NOT breastfeed. She complains ALL the time and I mean daily to me about money. How she ran out of diapers and needs to borrow some...(which I've been there before too...) but atleast do the one thing that is FREE when it comes to babies. I hate that ff moms (who could have bf) compain about money...it's FREE!!!

Quoting polkaspots:

It's free. She won't have to make bottles in the middle of the night. Tell her she could pump and use bottles during the day and nurse at night. Breastfed baby poop barely smells and formula poo smells terrible. Lower chances of baby getting sick. It helps most women lose the baby weight faster.



Posted on CafeMom Mobile
Journeysmama11
by on Apr. 3, 2013 at 2:21 AM

Good point! I do want to atleast TRY to talk to her about it. I really do think she is uneducated about it. With her first she had bought a pump and everything because she wanted to, but then as it got closer to her due date she said she wasn't sure and then chose not to right before because she claimed her ONLY reason for wanting to was because she didn't want anyone else to feed the baby, only her. ?!?!?! ...but even when she bottle feeds I don't think I've ever seen her actually hold the baby, she sets them in the carseat or bouncer and props the bottle up. ...atleast she stays next to them...but there is no cuddling or comforting. It looks so cold to me. :( I just want to swoop them up and feed 'em myself!

Quoting polkaspots:

Poor kids. Remind her that she'll never have to try again since she's not having anymore kids. I'm sure she already knows that it won't do her boobs any damage.


Quoting Journeysmama11:

I know! I wonder if she knows the sick thing. She complains ALL the time because her kids are ALWAYS sick. She had to take her first daughter to the ER within her first 2 weeks of life. and her second before she was a month old. :/ and they literally are sick ALL the time! And that's the other thing that bothers me. She really can't afford to NOT breastfeed. She complains ALL the time and I mean daily to me about money. How she ran out of diapers and needs to borrow some...(which I've been there before too...) but atleast do the one thing that is FREE when it comes to babies. I hate that ff moms (who could have bf) compain about money...it's FREE!!!

Quoting polkaspots:

It's free. She won't have to make bottles in the middle of the night. Tell her she could pump and use bottles during the day and nurse at night. Breastfed baby poop barely smells and formula poo smells terrible. Lower chances of baby getting sick. It helps most women lose the baby weight faster.




polkaspots
by Gold Member on Apr. 3, 2013 at 2:27 AM
Has she ever seen you nurse a baby? Maybe you could help her out when the baby is born. It would be really going out of your way, but if it works out it might be worth it.


Quoting Journeysmama11:

Good point! I do want to atleast TRY to talk to her about it. I really do think she is uneducated about it. With her first she had bought a pump and everything because she wanted to, but then as it got closer to her due date she said she wasn't sure and then chose not to right before because she claimed her ONLY reason for wanting to was because she didn't want anyone else to feed the baby, only her. ?!?!?! ...but even when she bottle feeds I don't think I've ever seen her actually hold the baby, she sets them in the carseat or bouncer and props the bottle up. ...atleast she stays next to them...but there is no cuddling or comforting. It looks so cold to me. :( I just want to swoop them up and feed 'em myself!

Quoting polkaspots:

Poor kids. Remind her that she'll never have to try again since she's not having anymore kids. I'm sure she already knows that it won't do her boobs any damage.





Quoting Journeysmama11:

I know! I wonder if she knows the sick thing. She complains ALL the time because her kids are ALWAYS sick. She had to take her first daughter to the ER within her first 2 weeks of life. and her second before she was a month old. :/ and they literally are sick ALL the time! And that's the other thing that bothers me. She really can't afford to NOT breastfeed. She complains ALL the time and I mean daily to me about money. How she ran out of diapers and needs to borrow some...(which I've been there before too...) but atleast do the one thing that is FREE when it comes to babies. I hate that ff moms (who could have bf) compain about money...it's FREE!!!

Quoting polkaspots:

It's free. She won't have to make bottles in the middle of the night. Tell her she could pump and use bottles during the day and nurse at night. Breastfed baby poop barely smells and formula poo smells terrible. Lower chances of baby getting sick. It helps most women lose the baby weight faster.






Posted on CafeMom Mobile
littlelambe2
by Bronze Member on Apr. 3, 2013 at 2:43 AM

I completely agree. Even though breastfeeding is the most natural and perfect thing for baby, you can't push it on someone. And it sounds like she's made herself clear. Sucks, but it her life, her kids, her choice. 


Quoting gdiamante:

At this point, I'd say, "If you have questions, ask." And leave it in her court and never say another word unless asked.


Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

close Join now to connect to
other members!
Connect with Facebook or Sign Up Using Email

Already Joined? LOG IN