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Breastfeeding Moms Breastfeeding Moms

in need of some advice please!!!!!!

Posted by on Apr. 9, 2013 at 2:32 PM
  • 9 Replies

ok so heres the issue , ive made it 14 month beastfeeding my dd, but i am now becoming touch out and getting to the point i dont want her to nurse any more , on top of that i need to start transitioning her to her crib and or pack in play .    i know this might sound bad but due to her being in bed with us and her nursing 24/7 me and her father havent been able to be intimate in several months , i miss him and yes my dd is important but so is my relationship. as far as intimacy we havent even been able to snuggle because when ever we do the baby get in the middle and separates us by pushing daddy away and then latching on to my breast . i seriously need some help i dont like doing the cry it out . and we are also struggling with getting her to take sippy cups , she started refusing the bottle after we stop formula at a year . she doesnt like regular milk and i am just out of ideas . she still nurses all day long and she wont go to sleep with out being snuggled by me or her dad 


by on Apr. 9, 2013 at 2:32 PM
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Replies (1-9):
Precious333
by Group Mod-Julia on Apr. 9, 2013 at 2:38 PM
1 mom liked this
We bedshare as well and i understand being touched out too! When i started transitioning my kids to thier beds we started by putting a mattress on the floor in our room and i would lay down with them to put then to.sleep, and sometimes and when they woke up a night i would cuddle with them in their bed as well. I would also bring a special.stuffed animal that they choose into their bed for them to cuddle with.
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HunnyBabie
by on Apr. 9, 2013 at 3:51 PM

@ OP: This is what I would do to get her out of your bed.  It sounds like you want to wean too?


Quoting Precious333:

We bedshare as well and i understand being touched out too! When i started transitioning my kids to thier beds we started by putting a mattress on the floor in our room and i would lay down with them to put then to.sleep, and sometimes and when they woke up a night i would cuddle with them in their bed as well. I would also bring a special.stuffed animal that they choose into their bed for them to cuddle with.


 

Precious333
by Group Mod-Julia on Apr. 9, 2013 at 4:12 PM
And to add, i would not wean and move her out of the bed at the same time, too much of a transition can be hard for her. If you choose to keep her in the bed and nightwean only you can use dr. Jay gordons method if nightweaning. If you choose to just transition.her to her own bed dont night wean yet.
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Baby_Avas_Momma
by Gold Member on Apr. 9, 2013 at 4:17 PM
Don't wean and transition to the crib at the same time, that's too much for a baby to handle, both can be traumatic. You do know you can set limits now that she's over a year old right? You can nurse as much or as little as you want. Dr. Jay Gordon has a great article on nightweaning, I would try that first. As for the crib, we've never used a crib so I can't help you there. We've always coslept and/or bedshared, and had sex everywhere else other than the bedroom (which is quite fun). ;)
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treasure1212
by on Apr. 9, 2013 at 4:19 PM
What is dr jay gordons method . I know I shouldn't do both at the same time . I just don't know what to do . She refuses sippys and screams everyime I try to lay her in her bed . I try the cry it out for about five or 10 mins and she screams so much she begins choking on her own spit . I am at a loss I don't know what to do

Quoting Precious333:

And to add, i would not wean and move her out of the bed at the same time, too much of a transition can be hard for her. If you choose to keep her in the bed and nightwean only you can use dr. Jay gordons method if nightweaning. If you choose to just transition.her to her own bed dont night wean yet.
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littlelambe2
by Bronze Member on Apr. 9, 2013 at 4:21 PM

Nursing babies tend to do well with straw sippies instead of a tippie cup. Although I ditched the straw sippie and went with a regular cup after a year. 

Precious333
by Group Mod-Julia on Apr. 9, 2013 at 4:23 PM
Www.drjaygordon.com and search for night weaning or something.

What you can do for now is nurse to sleep, but when she wakes up nurse but dont let her fall asleep nursing. She will be upset, but just cuddle her. look up his.method, i believe there is a link in a.sticky post on here.


Quoting treasure1212:

What is dr jay gordons method . I know I shouldn't do both at the same time . I just don't know what to do . She refuses sippys and screams everyime I try to lay her in her bed . I try the cry it out for about five or 10 mins and she screams so much she begins choking on her own spit . I am at a loss I don't know what to do



Quoting Precious333:

And to add, i would not wean and move her out of the bed at the same time, too much of a transition can be hard for her. If you choose to keep her in the bed and nightwean only you can use dr. Jay gordons method if nightweaning. If you choose to just transition.her to her own bed dont night wean yet.

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Precious333
by Group Mod-Julia on Apr. 9, 2013 at 4:24 PM
1 mom liked this
Same here, we also have layed baby in thr livingroom on occassion we want our bed fir the time being lol.


Quoting Baby_Avas_Momma:

Don't wean and transition to the crib at the same time, that's too much for a baby to handle, both can be traumatic. You do know you can set limits now that she's over a year old right? You can nurse as much or as little as you want. Dr. Jay Gordon has a great article on nightweaning, I would try that first. As for the crib, we've never used a crib so I can't help you there. We've always coslept and/or bedshared, and had sex everywhere else other than the bedroom (which is quite fun). ;)

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gdiamante
by Group Mod - Gina on Apr. 9, 2013 at 5:26 PM

Dr Jay's night weaning method:

Sleep, Changing Patterns In The Family Bed

I can only imagine a mom and dad who are as tired as anyone can be, eager to see this article on sleep, and finding that we had made it unavailable for a little while!

We had to do that because I didn’t write the article clearly enough and need to clarify some very important facts.

It would be hard to find as strong a proponent of the family bed as I am. Yet, I have received email commenting that there were sections of this “plan” which were easy to misinterpret as being just another angle on “sleep training” for young babies. It is not meant to be that. Not even close to an endorsement of the benefits of getting your baby to “soothe herself to sleep” during the first year.

Here’s what I really want to do: I want to offer an alternative to Ferber and Weisbluth and the Whisperer. I never want to see my ideas applied to a four month old or even a seven month old baby. As a matter of fact, I am not too excited about pushing any baby around at night but I know that sometimes it will be done and I’d like to offer a gentle, supported plan for after the first year.

Before I go any further, let me express my overriding concern. Babies do better when we answer all their questions as best we can and meet their needs as best we can.

Most of the families I have taken care of in my pediatric practice sleep in a family bed.

Their babies tend to breastfeed for more than one year and they don’t sleep through the night any better than most of us would if we napped and cuddled within inches of the best restaurant in town and knew it was open 24 hours a day.

This arrangement is not just adequate and tolerable, but actually feels easier to moms who can just roll over, nurse a while and fall back to sleep with their babies rather having to get out of bed to nurse or, alternatively, refuse to nurse and get their babies back to sleep some other way.

Lots of parents continue this pattern through the first year and well into the second and beyond, but some get tired of it — or just plain tired — after a while and are looking for a way to change things. Saddest of all, some moms and dads think that total weaning from breastfeeding is the best way to get more sleep. They choose not to look into nighttime weaning as a good option instead.

There are dozens of confusing books and magazine articles implying that there can be some quick and easy way to get your baby to sleep or to not nurse through the night. I have yet to read one which told parents the complete truth: It’s not easy, it’s rarely quick and it’s usually a little loud and heartbreaking for a few nights . . . or more. I have seen too many families needing help and getting offered choices they didn’t like at all.

I have a better alternative to completely weaning or to letting the baby cry it out. Babies wake up for the optimal interaction with their moms, breastfeeding back to sleep. If we offer them a little less than that for a few nights and then a little less and still less in the ensuing nights, gentle behavior modification will lead them to realize that it might not be “worth it” to knock on the door of a closed restaurant, so to speak.

I don’t recommend any forced sleep changes during the first year of life. Probably the only exception to this would be an emergency involving a nursing mom’s health. There are many suggestions in books and magazines for pushing “sleeping through the night” during a baby’s early months or during the first year. I don’t think this is the best thing to do and I am quite sure that the earlier a baby gets “non-response” from parents, the more likely he is to close down at least a little.

Don’t get me wrong. I love the family bed, child-led weaning and cuddling all through the first, second, third year or more if it’s working well and if the family is doing well. Don’t let anyone convince you that this is a harmful choice or that there will be “no way” to get him out of your bed if you don’t do it now. Don’t believe anyone who says that babies who cuddle and nurse all night long “never” learn to self soothe or become independent. This is simply nottrue but it sells books and the myths stay in our culture.

Some moms just don’t want to do this after some months or years and there should be a third choice to the dichotomy of crying it out or giving in to all-night nursing. Again, I support the family bed and frequent night nursing for a long time and even attempt to pull some parents along “just a little farther,” but I often have to switch tacks and support and help families with difficult choices.

Here’s what I recommend for older babies:

Choose the most valuable seven hours of sleep for yourselves. I personally prefer 11p.m. through 6 a.m. but you might have a slightly different idea.

Change the rules during those hours and be comfortable that a “well-built” family bed baby’s personality can withstand this rule changing and the mild inconsistency of getting everything he wants all the time . . .oops, almost all the time. That’s the word we want to show this baby. The word “almost.” If only we could explain to him that “tired moms and dads take their children to the park a little less and that children of well-rested parents get to go the zoo and for hikes a lot more than children of exhausted parents.” If that explanation only made sense to kids somewhere before the third birthday (and it doesn’t!) they would simply roll over, say, “See you in the morning,” and let us get the sleep we want.

I try to do this in three- and four-night intervals.

I’m assuming that you have a wonderfully healthy 12-, 15-, 20- or 30-month old baby who still loves to wake up every 2 to 4 hours to cuddle, eat or . . . whatever. I’m assuming that you have thought this through, decided you want to make changes and alerted the neighbors that it might be a little noisy for a week or so.

I’m assuming that both parents agree — or almost agree — that this is the best thing to do. And, most important assumption of all, you are willing to go “in a straight line” to the goal of seven straight hours of sleep.

The reason for that last statement: If your baby learns that crying, squirming and fussing (euphemisms, let’s just say “crying” . . . sorry) for an hour will get him fed you will set yourself back quite a bit. This is the best program I have seen but it’s far from easy. And now, to say it again, I really like what you’ve been doing. Cuddling, nursing, hugging through the night. Don’t change this with my program or any other if you’re happy doing what you’re doing. But . . .

The First Three Nights

At any time before 11 p.m. (including 10:58) nurse to sleep, cuddle and nurse when he wakes up and nurse him back to sleep, but stop offering nursing to sleep as the solution to waking after 11 p.m.. Instead…..

When your baby awakens at midnight or any other time after 11 p.m., hug him, nurse him for a short time but make sure he does not fall asleep on the breast and put him down awake. Rub and pat and cuddle a little until he falls asleep but don’t put him back on the breast (or give him a bottle if that’s what you’ve been doing). He must fall asleep with your comfort beside him, but not having to nurse to feel comforted enough to drift off.

Now, he will tell you that he is angry and intensely dislikes this new routine. I believe him. He will also try to tell you that he’s scared. I believe he’s angry, but a baby who’s had hundreds of nights in a row of cuddling is not scared of falling asleep with your hand on his back and your voice in his ear. Angry, yes. Scared, no, not really.

During these first three nights, repeat this pattern only after he has slept. He might sleep for fifteen minutes or he might sleep for four hours, but he has to go to sleep and reawaken to get cuddled and fed again.

These will be hard nights.

You may have decided you’re really not ready to do this. That’s OK. Stop and start over again in a few months if you like. Choosing the right time is crucial and many people choose a time suggested or pushed by friends, doctors or in-laws. This doesn’t work as well.

Is it better to do this in the family bed, a crib in the same room or using a crib in another room? I prefer to continue the family bed even though it might seem harder at first, but it has always seemed harder to me to be putting a baby in and out of a crib. However, a crib or toddler bed in your room may be what works best for you. Another option is to expand your bed’s limits by placing another mattress against your mattress. A bit more space for each family member may help to solve some of the sleep issues. My least favorite choice is a crib or bed in a separate bedroom.

Again, during these first three nights, between 11 p.m. and 6 a.m., cuddle and feed short, put him down awake, rub, pat, talk until he falls asleep and repeat this cycle only after he’s slept and reawakened. At 6:01 a.m., do whatever you have been doing as a morning routine ignoring the previous seven hours’ patterns. Many babies will roll over, nurse and cuddle back to sleep and give you an extra hour or so. Some won’t.

For me, one of the most reassuring parts of this “sleep plan” is seeing that babies wake up fine, happy and grudge-free about the change in the rules. You’ll see what I mean, even if the first few minutes of the morning are not exactly as they’ve always been.

The Second Three Nights

Again, the nursing to sleep stops at 11 p.m. When he wakes up, hug him and cuddle him for a few minutes, but do not feed him, put him down awake. Putting him down awake is a crucial part of this whole endeavor because it really does teach him to fall asleep with a little less contact and then a little less. Not feeding is the big change during these three nights. One-year-old babies can easily go for those seven hours (or more) with no calories. Theylike to get fed a little through the night, but physiologically and nutritionally, this is not a long time to go without food.

If I could wake my wife a few times each night, ask her to squeeze me a little fresh orange juice (my favorite drink) and rub my back while I drank it, I wouldn’t choose to voluntarily give up this routine. My wife might have some different ideas and get tired of the pattern quickly. Babies rarely give up their favorite patterns and things — day or night– without balking and crying.

I really don’t like listening to babies cry. I actually hate listening to babies cry. Unlike them, though, we adults can truly understand the implications of lack of sleep for a family of three, four or more people. Sleep patterns sometimes have to be changed. The incredible safety and reassurance the family bed has provided, and continues to provide, supplies the best context and location for these changes.

During these second three nights, some babies will cry and protest for ten minutes at a time and some will go for an hour or more. Your toddler is aware that you are right beside him, offering comfort and soothing. It just isn’t the mode of comfort he wants at the moment. It is hard to listen to him fuss, but it will work. I believe that a well-loved baby, after a year or more in the family bed, will be the ultimate beneficiary of his parents getting more sleep. Not coincidentally, the parents benefit “big time,” too.

“Yes, for the past many months we have enjoyed voting “1 to 2″ — non-democratically — in favor of . . . the baby. ‘Anyone want to get up all night, feed and walk the baby and be really tired all day and the next day too?’ Well, the vote is 1 to 2 in favor of the baby.”

Now, what we’re saying is, we will sometimes be voting two to one in favor of the baby’s family. This “baby’s family” concept may be abhorrent to he who considers himself the King of England, or Emperor of the Whole World, but our knowing he has that feeling of power allows us to confidently demote the dictator to a majority-respecting member of the family. His family.

By the end of the sixth night, your baby is going back to sleep without being nursed or fed. He’s going back to sleep after a nice hug, a cuddle and with your hand on his back and your words in his ear.

If, at any point this is feeling “wrong” to you, stop, wait some months and start over. Don’t go against your “gut instincts” which tell you that this is the wrong time to get longer sleep intervals from your baby. Your instincts are better than any sleep-modification program ever written.

The Next Four Nights

Nights seven, eight, nine and ten. Don’t pick him up, don’t hug him. When he awakens after 11 p.m., talk to him, touch him, talk some more, but don’t pick him up. Rub and pat only. No feeding either, obviously. He will fall back to sleep. Repeat the rubbing and talking when he reawakens. By the end of the ninth night, he will be falling back to sleep, albeit reluctantly for some babies and toddlers, with only a rub and a soothing voice.

After

After these first ten nights, continue to cuddle and feed to sleep if you like and he wants to, but do nothing when he wakes up except to touch a little and talk to him briefly. This may continue for another three or four nights but occasionally keeps going for another week or more. Then . . . it stops. He has learned that he is just as well-loved, gets virtually everything he needs and wants all day, but must give seven hours per night back to his parents and family.

What happens if you travel, he gets sick or some other circumstance demands a return to more nighttime interaction? Nothing. You do what you need to do (cuddle, nurse, walk, in the middle of the night, as many times as you need to) and then spend a night or two or three getting back to the new pattern the family has established.

By the way, pay the baby. Make sure that he really does get a lot of the benefit of your getting a good night’s sleep. Go to the park more often. Do all those things with him you said you’d do if he ever let you sleep longer. Explain it to him as you’re doing it. He’ll understand in an ever increasing way and will be OK with all this.

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