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My family hurts my feelings. I need advice please *long but on topic I promise

Posted by on Sep. 16, 2013 at 12:52 AM
  • 37 Replies
I need some encouragement in my parenting choices since my family is constantly shooting them down. I'm sorry this is long, but please read. I need some suggestions for handling my family!

My DH and I rent a 4 bedroom house with my sister and BIL. My niece just turned a yer old and we have an April baby.

My sister and I have some different views on parenting, which happens. The difference between she and I, is that she will pick apart my parenting choices and I leave her alone about hers.

Our younger sisters (14 & 12) are here visiting and the 14 year old asked me tonight when we were going to start giving DD solids. I told her between 6-8 months or later, depending on when she is ready and I explained the signs we would look for.

My niece started solids at 4 months and thats the extent of my youngest sisters experience with feeding a baby solids. My sister started my niece on solids because her tounge thrust was gone, she sat up alone and she had a pincher grasp. I told my sister that DD doesn't NEED solids til after a year and that baby bellies aren't really ready for solids til 6-8 months.

all 3 of my sisters and BIL laughed at me and told my DD would never develop correctly if I didn't feed her sooner. BIL laughed and said he would laugh at Abi if she was a year old and still eating baby purées. I told him she would probably just skip those.

My sister said "She will always be slow if you do that. Why would you hold her back? The doctor says you can feed her now,"

I retorted that the doctor (our girls share a pedi) also said Gracie could have rice or oatmeal cereal (my sister DOES NOT and never did give her daughter those).

She said "whatever. I'd like to see you make her wait til she's a year old and have people laughing at her her whole life because she's developmentally slow!"

I'm so sad and frustrated! I just want what's best for my DD. I just think the risks of her having them early are greater than the risks of waiting til later.

What should I say to my family when they bring it up again? (Because I know they will)
by on Sep. 16, 2013 at 12:52 AM
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Replies (1-10):
Precious333
by Group Mod-Julia on Sep. 16, 2013 at 12:58 AM
I commented on the other one. Just tell them to back up what they claim, you have evidence to back up delaying solids, as i am sure many other things you disagree on.
gdiamante
by Group Mod - Gina on Sep. 16, 2013 at 2:09 AM
1 mom liked this

I'm going to respond as I read, but let me tell you an observation. You can always count on family... to let you down. It's not SUPPOSED to be that way but too often it's the truth.

Quoting lilypad12788:

I need some encouragement in my parenting choices since my family is constantly shooting them down. I'm sorry this is long, but please read. I need some suggestions for handling my family!

My DH and I rent a 4 bedroom house with my sister and BIL. My niece just turned a yer old and we have an April baby.

My sister and I have some different views on parenting, which happens. The difference between she and I, is that she will pick apart my parenting choices and I leave her alone about hers.
Tell her that if she continues to pick apart your parenting choices, then you will do the same in return. OR... simply ignore her. She speaks, you don't hear her.
Our younger sisters (14 & 12) are here visiting and the 14 year old asked me tonight when we were going to start giving DD solids. I told her between 6-8 months or later, depending on when she is ready and I explained the signs we would look for.
Good.
My niece started solids at 4 months and thats the extent of my youngest sisters experience with feeding a baby solids. My sister started my niece on solids because her tounge thrust was gone, she sat up alone and she had a pincher grasp. I told my sister that DD doesn't NEED solids til after a year and that baby bellies aren't really ready for solids til 6-8 months.
If your niece is formula fed, then the solids recommendations go out the window anyway. The gut's alrady conpromised.

all 3 of my sisters and BIL laughed at me and told my DD would never develop correctly if I didn't feed her sooner. BIL laughed and said he would laugh at Abi if she was a year old and still eating baby purées. I told him she would probably just skip those.
IGNORE IGNORE IGNORE. 
My sister said "She will always be slow if you do that. Why would you hold her back? The doctor says you can feed her now,"

I retorted that the doctor (our girls share a pedi) also said Gracie could have rice or oatmeal cereal (my sister DOES NOT and never did give her daughter those).

She said "whatever. I'd like to see you make her wait til she's a year old and have people laughing at her her whole life because she's developmentally slow!"

I'm so sad and frustrated! I just want what's best for my DD. I just think the risks of her having them early are greater than the risks of waiting til later.

What should I say to my family when they bring it up again? (Because I know they will)
Tell them the subject is NOT up for discussion. Period. Refuse to engage. Leave the room. And find a new home. True story; I grew up with a family that was always in each other's business. They don't speak to each other! Whatever you need to do to get into a place on your own, do it.


gdiamante
by Group Mod - Gina on Sep. 16, 2013 at 2:11 AM

One more thought, lily: Tell ehr to stick a cork in it for the next 18 years. If your daughter turns out to be "backward" then she can tell you "I told you so" for the rest of your life and put it on your tombstone. But until that day comes she is to SHUT IT.

Yeah, I'm pissed. I'd be out TONIGHT. Even if it meant living in my car.

cheetah90210
by Member on Sep. 16, 2013 at 2:16 AM
Although I wouldn't wait that long for baby foods because gerber does provide baby food for three stages supported sitters ,sitters and toddlers I also wouldn't force my opinion on other moms.
polkaspots
by Gold Member on Sep. 16, 2013 at 2:21 AM
Tell her she's a moron who should keep her opinion to herself.
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GoodyBrook
by Silver Member on Sep. 16, 2013 at 2:23 AM

I answered in the other group as well...  :)

happymommy1105
by Member on Sep. 16, 2013 at 2:43 AM
1 mom liked this

move.  

get your own space. 


RadnRem
by on Sep. 16, 2013 at 6:58 AM
She'll be delayed? That's the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard!!!

You are doing a great job!!! A lot of the moms here do baby led solids.....heck, it's recommended! If all of us had developmentally delayed babies because of how we fed them, I'm pretty sure that suggestion would go out the window!

Tell them to stop being sheep and do done research for themselves for once. Also, tell them to stop making fun of your baby if they want to continue to be in her life. What hateful asshats. That makes me very angry for you!
MusherMaggie
by Platinum Member on Sep. 16, 2013 at 8:01 AM
If they can read, print off the information for starting solids from kellymom.com. And ignore them otherwise. Get out of the house for walks, and out for good when you can. You are doing the absolute best for your baby, and are far better educated in this than they are.
Baby_Avas_Momma
by on Sep. 16, 2013 at 8:06 AM
1 mom liked this
Since NOTHING they said is backed up AT ALL by proven facts and studies, I wouldn't even be bothered by it. Their claims are so ridiculous I'd laugh in their faces. I couldn't live with people like that, threatening to laugh at a baby if she ends up "slow", who does that??? If you can get your own place, do it. Sounds like it will always be some sort of competition, and when they're toddlers it will only be worse. Yikes :/
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