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Breastfeeding Moms Breastfeeding Moms

How do you balance help from your s/o?

Posted by on Oct. 12, 2013 at 7:15 AM
  • 7 Replies


Hm I'm not even sure how to phrase the question, just that I keep finding myself getting super irritable with my husband even though he wants to help and does the parts he can like diaper changes and burping.  He offers to give expressed milk to give me a break and more sleep but as I hate pumping and worry about how that will affect my supply I rarely go for that and I usually wake up wanting to feed the baby really often anyway. 

I guess how it goes is he'll be up and around (when he's available) while I feed so he can be on hand to help, and I'll be all ehausted and look over and see he him doing leisure stuff like playing a game and just get so resentful.  Then if he stops that so I wont be cranky he just sits there kinda staring off lol which is no better and I get cranky again.  I know it's not all fair or rational of me.  

Eh I don't know if it's ppd or some hormonal thing going.  Part of me wishes I could just be alone in a bubble with my baby even though I love my husband and want the help.  He had to go out of town and I felt like my arms were gonna fall off just getting so so exhausted doing it all all night, walking and soothing the baby back to sleep, but at the same time in a way I felt less stressed and it felt less complicated just having me and the baby and no one else to focus on.

by on Oct. 12, 2013 at 7:15 AM
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Replies (1-7):
MusherMaggie
by Platinum Member on Oct. 12, 2013 at 8:09 AM
Make a list of things he can do, and things that he does do. And yes, some of this is hormonal. Do you co-sleep? You can do so with the bassinet or crib next to your bed, it look up safe bed-sharing. When SO is home, have him take your baby for a walk, or rock him between nursings. Daddies are good at baths, too.
K8wizzo
by Kate on Oct. 12, 2013 at 8:31 AM
I learned how to nurse one handed and read or facebooked with the other hand. My dh would bring me a snack and drink when I sat down to nurse and then do whatever until baby needed to burp. Once we were out of the newborn period I mostly nursed on the go in slings or wraps.
TaylorMom814
by on Oct. 12, 2013 at 10:31 AM
I can relate. I do blame hormones. My husband is bad to take naps and it drives me nuts because he rarely even wakes up at night when I get up with her, so what's he need a nap for? I tell him if he is bored I have plenty for him to do, haha.

I know what you mean though. I know it doesn't hardly make sense, but it's like I want him there to help but on the other hand he is irritating me and I want to be left alone :) oh and he went out of town when she was a week and a half. Yikes!

Hugs. It will get easier.
iSMILEheCRIES
by Bronze Member on Oct. 12, 2013 at 11:08 AM
All completely normal (and hormonal). I love my DH, he is a great guy, he helps so much...but he is a huge pain in my ass! I hate being "watched," it doesn't help me at all. What has worked best for me is I stopped being nice! If I set aside time for him to nap, and he's too dumb to nap- FINE- I tell him to suck it up if he starts to complain. I also pump and he gives her a bottle at 10ish and puts her down for the night- I go to bed about 9 and I honestly do not hear her cry, its like I can block it out because I know its not "my turn"...those 5ish hours of uninterupted sleep have been a life saver (saved DH's life anyway so I didn't kill him). I think having it set in stone that the 10 o'clock feed is his job really has saved us a lot of arguing and resentment. I would recommend setting up a permenant Daddy time- so you know when your alone time is, no questions asked. GL my baby is only 6weeks old and has been doing the "daddy feed" since 10days old with no problems
gdiamante
by Group Mod - Gina on Oct. 12, 2013 at 12:41 PM


Quoting lello:


Hm I'm not even sure how to phrase the question, just that I keep finding myself getting super irritable with my husband even though he wants to help and does the parts he can like diaper changes and burping.

Precisely as he should. He needs to do the things he can. Cooking cleaning laundy also go on HIS list and come off yours.

 He offers to give expressed milk to give me a break and more sleep but as I hate pumping and worry about how that will affect my supply I rarely go for that and I usually wake up wanting to feed the baby really often anyway. 

Right. Dad giving bottles when mom is there is the LEAST helpful thing he can do. Hand him a mop instead.

I guess how it goes is he'll be up and around (when he's available) while I feed so he can be on hand to help, and I'll be all ehausted and look over and see he him doing leisure stuff like playing a game and just get so resentful.  Then if he stops that so I wont be cranky he just sits there kinda staring off lol which is no better and I get cranky again.  I know it's not all fair or rational of me.  

It is 100% fair and rational. Again, HAND HIM A MOP. He needs to be doing everything that does not require lactating breasts.

Eh I don't know if it's ppd or some hormonal thing going.  Part of me wishes I could just be alone in a bubble with my baby even though I love my husband and want the help.  He had to go out of town and I felt like my arms were gonna fall off just getting so so exhausted doing it all all night, walking and soothing the baby back to sleep, but at the same time in a way I felt less stressed and it felt less complicated just having me and the baby and no one else to focus on.

Yep. That's normal.

Dad does everything that does not require lactating breasts. Makes it easy on you to get the rest you need. And no, I have no pity for a working dad, unless his job requires saving lives every day. Working moms do a second shift. I do every day!

lello
by Member on Oct. 12, 2013 at 6:40 PM


lol we have a cosleeper next to the bed, but while he was gone I started putting the baby in the bed with me (making things as safe as I could with bedding out of the way) so I could keep in closer contact with him and soothe him better.  I swear its the only way either of us got sleep.  So when my husband came back I was like surprise you can sleep on the floor.  lol I know it sounds terrible.  

He does take him and hold him and pat him after nursing.  So far my baby hate hates baths so I'd be interested to see how that would go.  

A list is a good idea.

Quoting MusherMaggie:

Make a list of things he can do, and things that he does do. And yes, some of this is hormonal. Do you co-sleep? You can do so with the bassinet or crib next to your bed, it look up safe bed-sharing. When SO is home, have him take your baby for a walk, or rock him between nursings. Daddies are good at baths, too.



Edenpeden
by on Oct. 14, 2013 at 11:27 AM
I know exactly how you feel. I could have written this post. My s/o is so helpful and so willing. But with having a two month old who is breast feeding I end up with most of the baby responsibilities. I'm currently staying at home, which means little to no contact with adults and my day is spent elbow deep in diapers and dealing with my four year old. When he comes home he goes and jogs, and then works out and showers. By this time its 6pm, and usually he likes to be the one to cook. Which means hess changed maybe one diaper by 8. I know I am so freaking lucky to have a man who cleans, cooks and works so I can stay home. He would do anything I ask for him to do. But the fact that he gets a life outside of this, a hobby, shower time guaranteed, it just doesn't seem fair sometimes. No matter how rationale I try to be I still feel resentful occasionally. We talked about it, and decided every other day jogging instead of every day would help, and I explained how important it was for me to at least get a shower. He will hold the baby while I cook or clean, just so I can mix it up. I think as the baby gets older it will get easier, good luck with everything.
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