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HELP! I don't know what to do

Posted by on Nov. 15, 2013 at 3:00 PM
  • 48 Replies

SO here is the story

My LO is 8 weeks old. I co-sleep with her because she doesn't like her crib. I also pick her up whenever she cries because I know something is wrong with her but I haven't gotten her cries down yet. My fiancé and parents say that I am going to spoil her or that I already have spoiled her. I personally don't think I am spoiling her. Note that I don't pick her up when she is just whimpering, only when she is actually crying.

Also my fiancé doesn't really watch her except for at night when she isn't crying, but when she starts crying he hands her to me and says can you help me. Then for example last night I hadn't eaten dinner yet because she was nonstop crying and I couldn't get her to stop, well he helped me for a few minutes then gave her back and I got her calm for a little then he went down stairs to eat. Well while he was gone she was screaming her head off, I tried feeding her, changing her diaper, changing her outfit, snuggling her, putting on her mobile while she laid down, walking with her, EVERYTHING but nothing worked. So I laid her down in her crib let her cry for a bit and put on her video monitor and went to grab a quick bite. While I was downstairs he pitched a fit like a two year old and stomped upstairs to get her. And got mad at me because I let her cry it out, which is what everyone has been yelling at me to do! But when I don't I get yelled at for not picking her up!

Am I spoiling her? Is it even possible to spoil her at such a young age? If not can I get some support I could really use it right now. How do I get her used to her crib?

by on Nov. 15, 2013 at 3:00 PM
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MMIC
by on Nov. 15, 2013 at 3:02 PM

Please dont co sleep.  Im guilty of doing it with my youngest child.  It felt so good with her sleeping on my chest, and I was able to get extra sleep while doing that too BUT one time I woke up hearing her cries and she had gotten between my arm and the couch and I NEVER did it again. I thank God every time I look at her that I didn't smother her.

No you cant spoil such a young baby, not until they turn about 1 ( in my not-so-professional opinion) lol 

SewingMamaLele
by Leanne on Nov. 15, 2013 at 3:06 PM

It's not possible to spoil her.   She can get used to being held and having her needs met quickly... but, that's not a negative thing.  :)

Pick her up whe she whimpers, hold her all day, sleep with her... it's all totally normal.  She's learning about trust and developing a sense of security.   You want her to know you will always be there for her.

Tell family to butt out and keep their opinions to themselves.   Have a heart to heart with DF.  Let him know that this baby business is hard!!   You're meeting her needs by picking her up and holding her a lot, and sometimes you need his support and for him to put in more than the most minimal of effort.  

The crib is something she may get used to as she gets older... or it may just be a glorified laundry basket!   We always started our kids in their crib and then brought them to bed the first time they woke.   Even if it's just 10 minutes before she wakes up and you bring her to bed, it's fine.   She'll get used to it, or she won't.  

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SewingMamaLele
by Leanne on Nov. 15, 2013 at 3:08 PM
2 moms liked this


Quoting MMIC:

Please dont co sleep.  Im guilty of doing it with my youngest child.  It felt so good with her sleeping on my chest, and I was able to get extra sleep while doing that too BUT one time I woke up hearing her cries and she had gotten between my arm and the couch and I NEVER did it again. I thank God every time I look at her that I didn't smother her.

No you cant spoil such a young baby, not until they turn about 1 ( in my not-so-professional opinion) lol 

Yea, co-sleeping on a couch is a big no-no... but on a flat bed with some basic precautions taken it's perfectly safe (as safe as crib sleeping, at least). 

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MMIC
by on Nov. 15, 2013 at 3:09 PM

In the begining it is so hard for both parents but I promise things will get easier.  You both are so tired and wore thin, it's ok.  My husband did the exact same thing.  Take deep breaths. You can always walk away for a moment to obtain some sanity. 

Getting her used to her crib:  At night especially, make a routine.  A bath to soothe baby, use lavander baby wash it's majic.  Then put baby into crib same time every night.   

maggiemom2000
by Ruby Member on Nov. 15, 2013 at 3:10 PM
4 moms liked this

No, you are not spoiling her. The only thing I would suggest doing differently is to pick her up at the first sign of a whimper, and not wait for her to cry.

Sorry hon, but unless you are absolutely about to go off the deep end, do not put her in her crib and let her cry.

I think you actually need to hold and nurse baby more. The more baby is held and more frequently they are nursed the less they cry. Take a look at this info:

Why African Babies Don't Cry:
An African Perspective

by Claire Niala

I was born and grew up in Kenya & Cote d'Ivoire. Then from the age of fifteen I lived in the UK. However, I always knew that I wanted to raise my children (whenever I had them) at home in Kenya. And yes, I assumed I was going to have them. I am a modern African woman with two university degrees and I am a fourth generation working woman - but when it comes to children, I am typically African. The assumption remains that you are not complete without them; children are a blessing it would be crazy to avoid. Actually the question does not even arise.

I started my pregnancy in the UK. The urge to deliver at home was so strong that I sold my practice, setup a new business and moved house / country within five months of finding out I was pregnant. I did what most expectant mothers in the UK do - I read voraciously: Our Babies, OurselvesUnconditional Parenting, anything by the Searses - the list goes on. (My grandmother later commented that babies don't read books - and really all I needed to do was "read" my baby). Everything I read said that African babies cried less than European babies. I was intrigued as to why.

When I went home I observed. I looked out for mothers and babies and they were everywhere (though not very young African ones - those under six weeks were mainly at home). The first thing I noticed is that despite their ubiquitousness it is actually quite difficult to actually "see" a Kenyan baby. They are usually incredibly well wrapped up before being carried or strapped onto their mother (sometimes father).

Even older babies already strapped onto a back are then further protected from the elements by a large blanket. You would be lucky to catch a limb, never mind an eye or nose. It is almost a womb-like replication in the wrapping. The babies are literally cocooned from the stresses of the outside world into which they are entering.

My second observation was a cultural one. In the UK it was understood that babies cry - in Kenya it was quite the opposite. The understanding is that babies don't cry. If they do - something is horribly wrong and must be done to rectify itimmediately. My English sister-in-law summarized it well. "People here" she said "really don't like babies crying, do they?"

It all made much more sense when I finally delivered and my grandmother came from the village to visit. As it happened - my baby did cry a fair amount, and exasperated and tired, I forgot everything I had ever read and sometimes joined in the crying too. Yet for my grandmother it was simple - nyonyo (breastfeed her!). It was her answer to every single peep.

There were times when it was a wet nappy, or the fact that I had put her down, or that she needed burping that was the problem, but mainly she just wanted to be at the breast - it didn't really matter whether she was feeding or just having a comfort moment. I was already wearing her most of the time and co-sleeping with her, so this was a natural extension to what we were doing.

I suddenly learned the not-so-difficult secret as to the joyful silence of African babies. It was a simple needs-met symbiosis that required a total suspension of ideas of "what should be happening" and an embracing of what was actually going on in that moment. The bottom line was that my baby fed a lot - far more than I had ever read about anywhere and at least five times as much as some of the stricter feeding schedules I had heard about.

At about four months, when a lot of urban mothers start to introduce solids as previous guidelines had recommended, my daughter returned to newborn style hourly breastfeeding. She needed hourly feeds and this was a total shock. Over the past four months the time between feeds had slowly started to increase. I had even started to treat the odd patient without my breasts leaking or my daughter's nanny interrupting the session to let me know my daughter needed a feed.

Most of the mothers in my mother and baby group had duly started to introduce baby rice (to stretch the feeds) and all the professionals involved in our children's lives - pediatricians, even doulas, said that this was OK. Mothers needed rest too, we had done amazingly to get to four months exclusive breastfeeding, and they said our babies would be fine. Something didn't ring true for me and even when I tried (half-heartedly) to mix some pawpaw (the traditional weaning food in Kenya) with expressed milk and offered it to my daughter - she was having none of it.

So I called my grandmother. She laughed and asked if I had been reading books again. She carefully explained how breastfeeding was anything but linear. "She'll tell you when she's ready for food - and her body will too." "What will I do until then?" I was eager to know. "You do what you did before, regular nyonyo". So my life slowed down to what felt like a standstill again. While many of my contemporaries marveled at how their children were sleeping longer now that they had introduced the baby rice, and were even venturing to other foods, I was waking hourly or every two hours with my daughter and telling patients that the return to work wasn't panning out quite as I had planned.

I soon found that quite unwittingly I was turning into an informal support service for other urban mothers. My phone number was doing the round and many times while I was feeding my baby I would hear myself uttering the words, "Yes, just keep feeding him/ her." "Yes, even if you have just fed them" "Yes, you might not even manage to get out of your pajamas today" "Yes, you still need to eat and drink like a horse" "No, now might not be the time to consider going back to work if you can afford not to". "It will get easier". I had to just trust this last one as it hadn't gotten easier for me - yet.

A week or so before my daughter turned five months we traveled to the UK for a wedding and for her to meet family and friends. Especially because I had very few other demands, I kept up her feeding schedule easily. Despite the disconcerted looks of many strangers as I fed my daughter in many varied public places (most designated breastfeeding rooms were in rest rooms which I just could not bring myself to use), we carried on.

At the wedding, the people whose table we sat at noted, "She is such an easy baby - though she does feed a lot". I kept my silence, then another lady commented, "Though I did read somewhere that African babies don't cry much." I could not help but laugh.

My grandmother's gentle wisdom:

  1. Offer the breast every single moment that your baby is upset - even if you have just fed her.
  2. Co-sleep. Many times you can feed your baby before they are fully awake, which will allow them to go back to sleep easier and get you more rest.
  3. Always take a flask of warm water with bed to you at night to keep you hydrated and the milk flowing.
  4. Make the feeding your priority (especially during growth spurts) and get everyone else around you to do as much as they can for you. There is very little that cannot wait.
  5. Read your baby, not the books. Breastfeeding is not linear - it goes up and down (and also in circles). You are the expert on your baby's needs.

 

maggiemom2000
by Ruby Member on Nov. 15, 2013 at 3:12 PM
1 mom liked this

You are absloutely right, NEVER sleep eith yoru baby on the couch, very dangerous!

Safe bedsharing is a very healthy option.

Cosleeping and Biological Imperatives: Why Human Babies Do Not and Should Not Sleep Alone

Posted by dlende on December 21, 2008

mother-and-childBy James J. McKenna Ph.D.
Edmund P. Joyce C.S.C. Chair in Anthropology
Director, Mother-Baby Behavioral Sleep Laboratory
University of Notre Dame
Author of Sleeping with Your Baby: A Parent’s Guide to Cosleeping

Where a baby sleeps is not as simple as current medical discourse and recommendations against cosleeping in some western societies want it to be. And there is good reason why. I write here to explain why the pediatric recommendations on forms of cosleeping such as bedsharing will and should remain mixed. I will also address why the majority of new parents practice intermittent bedsharing despite governmental and medical warnings against it.

Definitions are important here. The term cosleeping refers to any situation in which a committed adult caregiver, usually the mother, sleeps within close enough proximity to her infant so that each, the mother and infant, can respond to each other’s sensory signals and cues. Room sharing is a form of cosleeping, always considered safe and always considered protective. But it is not the room itself that it is protective. It is what goes on between the mother (or father) and the infant that is. Medical authorities seem to forget this fact. This form of cosleeping is not controversial and is recommended by all.

Unfortunately, the terms cosleeping, bedsharing and a well-known dangerous form of cosleeping, couch or sofa cosleeping, are mostly used interchangeably by medical authorities, even though these terms need to be kept separate. It is absolutely wrong to say, for example, that “cosleeping is dangerous” when roomsharing is a form of cosleeping and this form of cosleeping (as at least three epidemiological studies show) reduce an infant’s chances of dying by one half.

Bedsharing is another form of cosleeping which can be made either safe or unsafe, but it is not intrinsically one nor the other. Couch or sofa cosleeping is, however, intrinsically dangerous as babies can and do all too easily get pushed against the back of the couch by the adult, or flipped face down in the pillows, to suffocate.

Often news stories talk about “another baby dying while cosleeping” but they fail to distinguish between what type of cosleeping was involved and, worse, what specific dangerous factor might have actually been responsible for the baby dying. A specific example is whether the infant was sleeping prone next to their parent, which is an independent risk factor for death regardless of where the infant was sleeping. Such reports inappropriately suggest that all types of cosleeping are the same, dangerous, and all the practices around cosleeping carry the same high risks, and that no cosleeping environment can be made safe.

Nothing can be further from the truth. This is akin to suggesting that because some parents drive drunk with their infants in their cars, unstrapped into car seats, and because some of these babies die in car accidents that nobody can drive with babies in their cars because obviously car transportation for infants is fatal. You see the point.

One of the most important reasons why bedsharing occurs, and the reason why simple declarations against it will not eradicate it, is because sleeping next to one’s baby is biologically appropriate, unlike placing infants prone to sleep or putting an infant in a room to sleep by itself. This is particularly so when bedsharing is associated with breast feeding.

When done safely, mother-infant cosleeping saves infants lives and contributes to infant and maternal health and well being. Merely having an infant sleeping in a room with a committed adult caregiver (cosleeping) reduces the chances of an infant dying from SIDS or from an accident by one half!

Research

In Japan where co-sleeping and breastfeeding (in the absence of maternal smoking) is the cultural norm, rates of the sudden infant death syndrome are the lowest in the world. For breastfeeding mothers, bedsharing makes breastfeeding much easier to manage and practically doubles the amount of breastfeeding sessions while permitting both mothers and infants to spend more time asleep. The increased exposure to mother’s antibodies which comes with more frequent nighttime breastfeeding can potentially, per any given infant, reduce infant illness. And because co-sleeping in the form of bedsharing makes breastfeeding easier for mothers, it encourages them to breastfeed for a greater number of months, according to Dr. Helen Ball’s studies at the University of Durham, therein potentially reducing the mothers chances of breast cancer. Indeed, the benefits of cosleeping helps explain why simply telling parents never to sleep with baby is like suggesting that nobody should eat fats and sugars since excessive fats and sugars lead to obesity and/or death from heart disease, diabetes or cancer. Obviously, there’s a whole lot more to the story.

As regards bedsharing, an expanded version of its function and effects on the infant’s biology helps us to understand not only why the bedsharing debate refuses to go away, but why the overwhelming majority of parents in the United States (over 50% according to the most recent national survey) now sleep in bed for part or all of the night with their babies.

That the highest rates of bedsharing worldwide occur alongside the lowest rates of infant mortality, including Sudden Infant Death Syndrome (SIDS) rates, is a point worth returning to. It is an important beginning point for understanding the complexities involved in explaining why outcomes related to bedsharing (recall, one of many types of cosleeping) vary between being protective for some populations and dangerous for others. It suggests that whether or not babies should bedshare and what the outcome will be may depend on who is involved, under what condition it occurs, how it is practiced, and the quality of the relationship brought to the bed to share. This is not the answer some medical authorities are looking for, but it certainly resonates with parents, and it is substantiated by scores of studies.

Understanding Recommendations

Recently, the American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP) SIDS Sub-Committee for whom I served (ad hoc) as an expert panel member recommended that babies should sleep close to their mothers in the same room but not in the same bed. While I celebrated this historic roomsharing recommendation, I disagreed with and worry about the ramifications of the unqualified recommendation against any and all bedsharing. Further, I worry about the message being given unfairly (if not immorally) to mothers; that is, no matter who you are, or what you do, your sleeping body is no more than an inert potential lethal weapon against which neither you nor your infant has any control. If this were true, none of us humans would be here today to have this discussion because the only reason why we survived is because our ancestral mothers slept alongside us and breastfed us through the night!

mckenna-sleeping-with-your-babyI am not alone in thinking this way. The Academy of Breast Feeding Medicine, the USA Breast Feeding Committee, the Breast Feeding section of the American Academy of Pediatrics, La Leche League International, UNICEF and WHO are all prestigious organizations who support bedsharing and which use the best and latest scientific information on what makes mothers and babies safe and healthy. Clearly, there is no scientific consensus.

What we do agree on, however, is what specific “factors” increase the chances of SIDS in a bedsharing environment, and what kinds of circumstances increase the chances of suffocation either from someone in the bed or from the bed furniture itself. For example, adults should not bedshare if inebriated or if desensitized by drugs, or overly exhausted, and other toddlers or children should never be in a bed with an infant. Moreover, since having smoked during a pregnancy diminishes the capacities of infants to arouse to protect their breathing, smoking mothers should have their infants sleep alongside them on a different surface but not in the same bed.

My own physiological studies suggest that breastfeeding mother-infant pairs exhibit increased sensitivities and responses to each other while sleeping, and those sensitivities offers the infant protection from overlay. However, if bottle feeding, infants should lie alongside the mother in a crib or bassinet, but not in the same bed. Prone or stomach sleeping especially on soft mattresses is always dangerous for infants and so is covering their heads with blankets, or laying them near or on top of pillows. Light blanketing is always best as is attention to any spaces or gaps in bed furniture which needs to be fixed as babies can slip into these spaces and quickly to become wedged and asphyxiate. My recommendation is, if routinely bedsharing, to strip the bed apart from its frame, pulling the mattress and box springs to the center of the room, therein avoiding dangerous spaces or gaps into which babies can slip to be injured or die.

But, again, disagreement remains over how best to use this information. Certain medical groups, including some members of the American Academy of Pediatrics (though not necessarily the majority), argue that bedsharing should be eliminated altogether. Others, myself included, prefer to support the practice when it can be done safely amongst breastfeeding mothers. Some professionals believe that it can never be made safe but there is no evidence that this is true.

More importantly, parents just don’t believe it! Making sure that parents are in a position to make informed choices therein reflecting their own infant’s needs, family goals, and nurturing and infant care preferences seems to me to be fundamental.

Our Biological Imperatives

My support of bedsharing when practiced safely stems from my research knowledge of how and why it occurs, what it means to mothers, and how it functions biologically. Like human taste buds which reward us for eating what’s overwhelmingly critical for survival i.e. fats and sugars, a consideration of human infant and parental biology and psychology reveal the existence of powerful physiological and social factors that promote maternal motivations to cosleep and explain parental needs to touch and sleep close to baby.

The low calorie composition of human breast milk (exquisitely adjusted for the human infants’ undeveloped gut) requires frequent nighttime feeds, and, hence, helps explain how and why a cultural shift toward increased cosleeping behavior is underway. Approximately 73% of US mothers leave the hospital breast feeding and even amongst mothers who never intended to bedshare soon discover how much easier breast feeding is and how much more satisfied they feel with baby sleeping alongside often in their bed.

But it’s not just breastfeeding that promotes bedsharing. Infants usually have something to say about it too! And for some reason they remain unimpressed with declarations as to how dangerous sleeping next to mother can be. Instead, irrepressible (ancient) neurologically-based infant responses to maternal smells, movements and touch altogether reduce infant crying while positively regulating infant breathing, body temperature, absorption of calories, stress hormone levels, immune status, and oxygenation. In short, and as mentioned above, cosleeping (whether on the same surface or not) facilitates positive clinical changes including more infant sleep and seems to make, well, babies happy. In other words, unless practiced dangerously, sleeping next to mother is good for infants. The reason why it occurs is because… it is supposed to.

Recall that despite dramatic cultural and technological changes in the industrialized west, human infants are still born the most neurologically immature primate of all, with only 25% of their brain volume. This represents a uniquely human characteristic that could only develop biologically (indeed, is only possible) alongside mother’s continuous contact and proximity—as mothers body proves still to be the only environment to which the infant is truly adapted, for which even modern western technology has yet to produce a substitute.

Even here in whatever-city-USA, nothing a baby can or cannot do makes sense except in light of the mother’s body, a biological reality apparently dismissed by those that argue against any and all bedsharing and what they call cosleeping, but which likely explains why most crib-using parents at some point feel the need to bring their babies to bed with them —findings that our mother-baby sleep laboratory here at Notre Dame has helped document scientifically. Given a choice, it seems human babies strongly prefer their mother’s body to solitary contact with inert cotton-lined mattresses. In turn, mothers seem to notice and succumb to their infant’s preferences.

There is no doubt that bedsharing should be avoided in particular circumstances and can be practiced dangerously. While each single bedsharing death is tragic, such deaths are no more indictments about any and all bedsharing than are the three hundred thousand plus deaths or more of babies in cribs an indictment that crib sleeping is deadly and should be eliminated. Just as unsafe cribs and unsafe ways to use cribs can be eliminated so, too, can parents be educated to minimize bedsharing risks.

Moving Beyond Judgments to Understanding

We still do not know what causes SIDS. But fortunately the primary factors that increase risk are now widely known i.e. placing an infant prone (face down) for sleep, using soft mattresses, maternal smoking, overwrapping babies or blocking air movement around their faces. In combination with bedsharing, where more vital normal defensive infant responses and may be more important to an infant (like the ability to arouse to bat a blanket which momentarily falls to cover the infants face when its parent moves or turns) these risks become exaggerated especially amongst unhealthy infants. When infants die in these obviously unsafe conditions, it is here where social biases and the sheer levels of ignorance associated with actually explaining the death become apparent. A death itself in a bedsharing environment does not automatically suggest, as many legal and medical authorities assert, that it was the bedsharing, or worse, suffocation that killed the infant. Infants in bedsharirng environments, like babies in cribs, can still die of SIDS.

It is a shame and certainly inappropriate that, for example, the head pathologists of the state of Indiana recommends that other pathologists assume SIDS as a likely cause of death when babies die in cribs but to assume asphyxiation if a baby dies in an adult bed or has a history of “cosleeping”. By assuming before any facts are known from the pathologist’s death scene and toxicological report that any bedsharing baby was a victim of an accidental suffocation rather than from some congenital or natural cause, including SIDS unrelated to bedsharing, medical authorities not only commit a form of scientific fraud but they victimize the doomed infant’s parents for a third time. The first occurs when their baby dies, the second occurs when health professionals interviewed for news stories (which commonly occurs) imply that when a baby dies in a bed with an adult it must be due to suffocation (or a SIDS induced by bedsharing). The third time the parents are victimized is when still without any evidence medical or police authorities suggest that their baby’s death was “preventable,” that their baby would still be alive if only the parents had not bedshared. This conclusion is based not on the facts of the tragedy but on unfair and fallacious stereotypes about bedsharing.

Indeed, no legitimate SIDS researcher nor forensic pathologist should render a judgment that a baby was suffocated without an extensive toxiological report and death scene investigation including information from the mother concerning what her thoughts are on what might or could have happened.

Whether involving cribs or adult beds, risky sleep practices leading to infant deaths are more likely to occur when parents lack access to safety information, or if they are judged to be irresponsible should they choose to follow their own and their infants’ biological predilections to bedshare, or if public health messages are held back on brochures and replaced by simplistic and inappropriate warnings saying “just never do it.” Such recommendations misrepresent the true function and biological significance of the behaviors, and the critical extent to which dangerous practices can be modified, and they dismiss the valid reasons why people engage in the behavior in the first place.

For More Information:
A Popular Parenting Book
Sleeping with Your Baby: A Parent’s Guide to Cosleepingby James J.McKenna (2007). Platypus Press.

The Arm’s Reach Co-Sleeper- a bassinet/crib which Dr. McKenna has recommended as one way to enjoy close proximity with a baby for parents who are concerned about bed-sharing

The Scientific Perspective
McKenna, J., Ball H., Gettler L., Mother-infant Cosleeping, Breastfeeding and SIDS: What Biological Anthropologists Have Learned About Normal Infant Sleep and Pediatric Sleep Medicine. Yearbook of Physical Anthropology 50:133-161 (2007)

McKenna, J., McDade, T., Why Babies Should Never Sleep Alone: A Review of the Co-Sleeping Controversy in Relation to SIDS, Bedsharing and Breastfeeding (pdf). Paediatric Respiratory Reviews 6:134-152 (2005)

Quoting MMIC:

Please dont co sleep.  Im guilty of doing it with my youngest child.  It felt so good with her sleeping on my chest, and I was able to get extra sleep while doing that too BUT one time I woke up hearing her cries and she had gotten between my arm and the couch and I NEVER did it again. I thank God every time I look at her that I didn't smother her.

No you cant spoil such a young baby, not until they turn about 1 ( in my not-so-professional opinion) lol 


MMIC
by on Nov. 15, 2013 at 3:13 PM

I agree to disagree.  Co sleeping in any way is a hazard to the baby.  You could roll over on the baby, a blanket could smother the baby, you could push baby off.  


Try using a bouncy seat.  That worked so well for my baby, she loved it. 

Quoting SewingMamaLele:


Quoting MMIC:

Please dont co sleep.  Im guilty of doing it with my youngest child.  It felt so good with her sleeping on my chest, and I was able to get extra sleep while doing that too BUT one time I woke up hearing her cries and she had gotten between my arm and the couch and I NEVER did it again. I thank God every time I look at her that I didn't smother her.

No you cant spoil such a young baby, not until they turn about 1 ( in my not-so-professional opinion) lol 

Yea, co-sleeping on a couch is a big no-no... but on a flat bed with some basic precautions taken it's perfectly safe (as safe as crib sleeping, at least). 


maggiemom2000
by Ruby Member on Nov. 15, 2013 at 3:18 PM

You can agree to disagree, but science and research is on SewingMamaLele's side. When practiced safely, bedsharing may be even safer than having baby in a crib. Some reasearch above ^^


Quoting MMIC:

I agree to disagree.  Co sleeping in any way is a hazard to the baby.  You could roll over on the baby, a blanket could smother the baby, you could push baby off.  


Try using a bouncy seat.  That worked so well for my baby, she loved it. 

Quoting SewingMamaLele:


Quoting MMIC:

Please dont co sleep.  Im guilty of doing it with my youngest child.  It felt so good with her sleeping on my chest, and I was able to get extra sleep while doing that too BUT one time I woke up hearing her cries and she had gotten between my arm and the couch and I NEVER did it again. I thank God every time I look at her that I didn't smother her.

No you cant spoil such a young baby, not until they turn about 1 ( in my not-so-professional opinion) lol 

Yea, co-sleeping on a couch is a big no-no... but on a flat bed with some basic precautions taken it's perfectly safe (as safe as crib sleeping, at least). 



SewingMamaLele
by Leanne on Nov. 15, 2013 at 3:21 PM
2 moms liked this

And baby could get stuck in the slats of a crib, pull something over their faces and suffocate, spontaniously stop breathing with no one close enough to notice... there could be a fire, or an earthquake with mom and dad too far away to protect them.

Really, any way they sleep there are potential risks.   There are ways to minimize the risks in any given situation (not couch co-sleeping for one, not allowing baby to sleep unmonitored in a bouncy seat for another), but you have to do what works for your family and situation.  

Baby is in much more risk from being cared for by an exhausted parent who is trying to avoid co-sleeping than actually co-sleeping.   I almost dropped my 4 day old son on his head because I was exhausted from sitting awake holding him all night long.  Once we began co-sleeping we were all able to get the rest we needed.

Quoting MMIC:

I agree to disagree.  Co sleeping in any way is a hazard to the baby.  You could roll over on the baby, a blanket could smother the baby, you could push baby off.  


Try using a bouncy seat.  That worked so well for my baby, she loved it. 

Quoting SewingMamaLele:


Quoting MMIC:

Please dont co sleep.  Im guilty of doing it with my youngest child.  It felt so good with her sleeping on my chest, and I was able to get extra sleep while doing that too BUT one time I woke up hearing her cries and she had gotten between my arm and the couch and I NEVER did it again. I thank God every time I look at her that I didn't smother her.

No you cant spoil such a young baby, not until they turn about 1 ( in my not-so-professional opinion) lol 

Yea, co-sleeping on a couch is a big no-no... but on a flat bed with some basic precautions taken it's perfectly safe (as safe as crib sleeping, at least). 



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MusherMaggie
by Platinum Member on Nov. 15, 2013 at 3:27 PM
Quoting MMIC:

Please dont co sleep.  Im guilty of doing it with my youngest child.  It felt so good with her sleeping on my chest, and I was able to get extra sleep while doing that too BUT one time I woke up hearing her cries and she had gotten between my arm and the couch and I NEVER did it again. I thank God every time I look at her that I didn't smother her.No you cant spoil such a young baby, not until they turn about 1 ( in my not-so-professional opinion) lol 



There are many safe ways to co-sleep. Doing so anywhere but yhe bed is not safe, such as on a couch. Lots of us here have co-slept safely.

Margarett RBC Zavodnyteal ribbon

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