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Breastfeeding Moms Breastfeeding Moms

Am I the only one with an unsupportive husband?

Posted by on Feb. 18, 2014 at 11:44 AM
  • 44 Replies

My husband supported me breastfeeding until she was born.  Since then he's been pushing me to put her "on the bottle".

A little back story, he has a 2 year old from a previous relationship.  He was a very fussy baby until he was 8 weeks old when she stopped breastfeeding and put him on formula.  From then on he was a very good baby, content, slept through the night, and just very happy.  His mother was drinking, popping pills, and in general eating very poorly so it was best he was on formula anyway.   

Our daughter is 4 months old and has been a very fussy handful since day 1.  She is very gassy, hates to be put down, only poops every 5-7 days, and does not sleep through the night.  When I'm home with her she nurses every 2 hours.  I've changed my diet and that has helped with her discomfort.  He thinks I'm not making enough and that my milk is bad and that's what her problem is.  He makes comments about me starving her.  At daycare she has free access to all the milk she wants and she just isn't a big eater.  I hate that he no longer supports me.  This is my only baby and ultimately my decision and I won't give up, I just wish he was supportive of my desire.  And I remind him, if she goes on a bottle, that means you have to get up with her at night.  He laughs and I know it's because he won't but that's not the point.

Has alone else had an unsupportive SO?  How did you cope? 

Her diaper count is good and she's growing.  Slowly, but definitely growing.

by on Feb. 18, 2014 at 11:44 AM
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Replies (1-10):
mikkosmommy
by Jessica on Feb. 18, 2014 at 11:56 AM
2 moms liked this
It's too bad he has never been around a formula fed baby who was fussy, gassy, never wanted to be put down, doesn't sleep through night etc... Those are some of the reasons I switched ds1 to formula at 4/5 months (I thought something was wrong with my milk production) and well those things didn't change he was still the same fairly high needs baby just now we had to make bottles for him and spend a huge amount of money on formula.

Switching to formula probably won't miraculously cure your baby... In fact in my experience the tummy troubles get worse! Plus as you know BM is way better for your baby!

I am sorry and wish you the best - it's hard to convince someone who doesn't really see the difference between formula and BM.
Mom2Just1
by Silver Member on Feb. 18, 2014 at 12:00 PM

Some babies are just high needs. My second is like that. My first was an awesome baby. I have breastfed both and plan on  nursing the baby I am pregnant with now.

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gdiamante
by Group Mod - Gina on Feb. 18, 2014 at 12:34 PM

We'll start here, and this applies to EVERYTHING:

Whenever you think you're the only one, it's guaranteed you are NOT. (It's when we think "everyone" does soemthing that we tend to be wrong!)

Quoting Eternity807:

My husband supported me breastfeeding until she was born.  Since then he's been pushing me to put her "on the bottle".

A little back story, he has a 2 year old from a previous relationship.  He was a very fussy baby until he was 8 weeks old when she stopped breastfeeding and put him on formula.  From then on he was a very good baby, content, slept through the night, and just very happy.  His mother was drinking, popping pills, and in general eating very poorly so it was best he was on formula anyway.   

Our daughter is 4 months old and has been a very fussy handful since day 1.  She is very gassy, hates to be put down, only poops every 5-7 days, and does not sleep through the night.  When I'm home with her she nurses every 2 hours.  I've changed my diet and that has helped with her discomfort.  He thinks I'm not making enough and that my milk is bad and that's what her problem is.  He makes comments about me starving her.  At daycare she has free access to all the milk she wants and she just isn't a big eater.  I hate that he no longer supports me.  This is my only baby and ultimately my decision and I won't give up, I just wish he was supportive of my desire.  And I remind him, if she goes on a bottle, that means you have to get up with her at night.  He laughs and I know it's because he won't but that's not the point.

Has alone else had an unsupportive SO?  How did you cope? 

By ignoring him. Really. It's the Y Chromosome Defect at work. My mom's secret in a 53-year marriage? Ignoring about 75% of what came out of my dad's mouth and doing as she would. He always ended up coming around, even if it took decades. (Becaue my mother was always right about EVERYTHING... he didn't figure that out till his late 50s.)


Her diaper count is good and she's growing.  Slowly, but definitely growing.

4-7 ounces per week means she's growing perfectly.


Precious333
by Group Mod-Julia on Feb. 18, 2014 at 12:34 PM
1 mom liked this
Grrr :( sorry he's not supportive. I would just say "sorry you dont agree, but you need to stop with the unsupportive comments"

Or you can tell him to find evidence that formula is better that breastfeeding and then you can talk.
skittlebeans88
by Member on Feb. 18, 2014 at 12:38 PM
My dh said that he doesn't understand nursing past eight months. Why 8 is the magic number, I don't know. But my ds is seven months and I plan on breastfeeding him until he's ready to stop
Eternity807
by Member on Feb. 18, 2014 at 1:09 PM

 I'm not sure how much she is gaining.  She hasn't been in for her 4 month check up but we go in this week.  Honestly, she just is skinny.  She's tall and thin.  She was at birth and she still is.  She is growing and meeting her diaper count so I don't worry. 

I do ignore what he says or I just remind him that breastmilk is what is best for her for so many reasons.  And I've made it this far.  I am definitely not going to quit now.  It's just so frustrating because I read about people who have a SO that will cut food for them while they nurse, or help them NIP, ect and he is not this way at all.  It just makes me sad.

Quoting gdiamante:

We'll start here, and this applies to EVERYTHING:

Whenever you think you're the only one, it's guaranteed you are NOT. (It's when we think "everyone" does soemthing that we tend to be wrong!)

Quoting Eternity807:

My husband supported me breastfeeding until she was born.  Since then he's been pushing me to put her "on the bottle".

A little back story, he has a 2 year old from a previous relationship.  He was a very fussy baby until he was 8 weeks old when she stopped breastfeeding and put him on formula.  From then on he was a very good baby, content, slept through the night, and just very happy.  His mother was drinking, popping pills, and in general eating very poorly so it was best he was on formula anyway.   

Our daughter is 4 months old and has been a very fussy handful since day 1.  She is very gassy, hates to be put down, only poops every 5-7 days, and does not sleep through the night.  When I'm home with her she nurses every 2 hours.  I've changed my diet and that has helped with her discomfort.  He thinks I'm not making enough and that my milk is bad and that's what her problem is.  He makes comments about me starving her.  At daycare she has free access to all the milk she wants and she just isn't a big eater.  I hate that he no longer supports me.  This is my only baby and ultimately my decision and I won't give up, I just wish he was supportive of my desire.  And I remind him, if she goes on a bottle, that means you have to get up with her at night.  He laughs and I know it's because he won't but that's not the point.

Has alone else had an unsupportive SO?  How did you cope? 

By ignoring him. Really. It's the Y Chromosome Defect at work. My mom's secret in a 53-year marriage? Ignoring about 75% of what came out of my dad's mouth and doing as she would. He always ended up coming around, even if it took decades. (Becaue my mother was always right about EVERYTHING... he didn't figure that out till his late 50s.)

 

Her diaper count is good and she's growing.  Slowly, but definitely growing.

4-7 ounces per week means she's growing perfectly.

 

 

aehanrahan
by Group Mod - Amy on Feb. 18, 2014 at 2:47 PM
1 mom liked this
Tell him that you will consider formula if he can bring you evidence based research showing you why formula is better than your milk. Also tell him to look up the risks of formula. If he does the research, he'll learn something and might even change his mind.
gdiamante
by Group Mod - Gina on Feb. 18, 2014 at 5:00 PM

Two things you should never compare: Babies and husbands. It's the road to madness, I tell ya!

Quoting Eternity807:

It's just so frustrating because I read about people who have a SO that will cut food for them while they nurse, or help them NIP, ect and he is not this way at all. 

iHEAVENn
by Member on Feb. 18, 2014 at 5:50 PM

My husband is kind of hesitant to the idea of me breastfeeding this baby... He thinks the baby will starve while waiting for supply to come in.. and he thinks since I was not successful at breastfeeding our DS that I wont be this time either..

I had NO support system when I had DS in 2007... None at all.. I did not know that it could take awhile for full supply to come in, and I gave up with in a few short days of giving birth. :( 

-:Logan Jacob:--:December 1st 2007:--:7 Pounds 4 Ounces:- -:My Everything:- 

-:Baby #2 is on the way:-

baby development

KarenM42
by Bronze Member on Feb. 18, 2014 at 6:33 PM
4 moms liked this
My husband has been supportive. The only time he wasn't was when my son was about 1-2 months & would get fussy just before bed while nursing. My husband was convinced he wasn't getting enough bm and encouraged me to give formula before bed. I finally told him:
1) if you can't handle him crying, please leave the room
2) don't ever say, "formula" to me again

He got the picture & let me do what I needed to do. Just that small lack of support was enough to put doubt in my mind and ALMOST convince me that I was starving him at night. I wasn't. Luckily, I trusted my mommy instincts. Wish I would have been a member of this group back then! I could have used their support!

Keep doing what you are doing & tell dh to back off!
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