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OT_Had to leave my Husband

Posted by on May. 4, 2014 at 1:16 AM
  • 15 Replies

I have had CINC cases for my kids since my husband and I's domestic dispute in October. Last night he tried to steal from a neighbor and had the police called. He has been doing so poorly lately that if I had not made the decision to leave him today, our children would have been removed from both of our custody. As it is, I'm not really sure that they won't be removed from mine alone, but I'm going to fight to keep them as best as I can.

With all of that being said, I am struggling with my feelings about all of this. I feel cheated. I feel rage. I feel sadness. I feel happy. I feel guilt for my kids. And these all just vary. I can be completely fine for a minute, and the next be struggling because I was forced into this decision. I WANTED MY HUSBAND! It's as simple as that. I want my kids more, obviously, because I have made it so I can't change my mind about him being in my life without severe consequences. I want to be happy and lighter and feel like I did the right thing but I don't. My husband was not a monster all the time. Not even most of the time. He just had a problem. And I hate him for putting me in this position. I hate him for breaking my heart time and time again for the past almost 6 years of my life. I hate that he will not have the chance to make things the way that he promised for so long. I flat out just hate him right now.

I cannot stop crying right now. I don't want this, and yet I do. I am struggling very much right now. It feels hard to breathe just because of how much my heart hurts that my marriage is over for a reason out of my control. It hurts because he saw alcohol and drugs as more important than me, than our kids! How does someone do that? I don't feel like this could possibly be right because of how awful I feel, but I know that it was. I know that the pain will get better with time. I pray that someday I will stop blaming myself for my failed marriage and for my beautiful babies growing up without a father.

by on May. 4, 2014 at 1:16 AM
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Replies (1-10):
wantthatbaby46
by Member on May. 4, 2014 at 2:22 AM
I'm sorry you are hurting! I can say though, as a kid from a broken home, I wish my parents would have divorced much sooner. We all were much happier when they were apart. My dad even became a better person. Not to say this is how it is for everyone, but I often hear this from my friends who have divorced parents. Maybe this will give you some hope that people can be happier apart even if it doesn't seem like it? I'm sorry you are struggling! Hang in there!
shortyali
by Alicia on May. 4, 2014 at 6:31 AM
Same here. My parents stayed together for my brother and I. If you ask my brother and I we would say we wished they had separated long before they did.

I'm sorry you going thru this. :(


Quoting wantthatbaby46: I'm sorry you are hurting! I can say though, as a kid from a broken home, I wish my parents would have divorced much sooner. We all were much happier when they were apart. My dad even became a better person. Not to say this is how it is for everyone, but I often hear this from my friends who have divorced parents. Maybe this will give you some hope that people can be happier apart even if it doesn't seem like it? I'm sorry you are struggling! Hang in there!
MusherMaggie
by Platinum Member on May. 4, 2014 at 7:34 AM
1 mom liked this
I am so sorry. Alcohol and drugs are addictive. At some point, he is helpless in their grasp and unable to make the right choices. Perhaps he will now be able to get treatment that will help him become the person he should be. We do what we must to protect our children. There's nothing wrong with that.
justone_jen
by Jen on May. 4, 2014 at 7:55 AM
1 mom liked this
"I hate that he will not have the chance to make things the way that he promised for so long."

Those were empty promises. Trust me. You are mourning the husband you wanted to have.

Hugs. Remember to breathe.
mostlymaydays
by Group Mod-Stacy on May. 4, 2014 at 8:06 AM
Me, too. I once heard a saying that kids are better off being FROM a broken marriage than IN one.

I urge you to find al-anon meetings for your own care. Growing up with an alcoholic dad, I knew what was wrong with him, but I didn't know what the heck was wrong with my mom. She developed her own unhealthy ways of coping with everything that became at least as destructive as my dad's drinking. My dad eventually found his path to recovery and we've worked at forging some kind of relationship but almost 30 years now after their divorce my mom is still bitter and hurt and nasty and I can't stand to see her more than once a year a Christmas because she's so toxic.


Quoting wantthatbaby46: I'm sorry you are hurting! I can say though, as a kid from a broken home, I wish my parents would have divorced much sooner. We all were much happier when they were apart. My dad even became a better person. Not to say this is how it is for everyone, but I often hear this from my friends who have divorced parents. Maybe this will give you some hope that people can be happier apart even if it doesn't seem like it? I'm sorry you are struggling! Hang in there!
hip2it
by Bronze Member on May. 4, 2014 at 12:24 PM

Same here!

Quoting wantthatbaby46: I'm sorry you are hurting! I can say though, as a kid from a broken home, I wish my parents would have divorced much sooner. We all were much happier when they were apart. My dad even became a better person. Not to say this is how it is for everyone, but I often hear this from my friends who have divorced parents. Maybe this will give you some hope that people can be happier apart even if it doesn't seem like it? I'm sorry you are struggling! Hang in there!


NDADanceMom
by on May. 4, 2014 at 1:06 PM
1 mom liked this
Very sad story. Make it a story of triumph for your kids to tell. One day they can talk about how you made your own way and did a great job.
gdiamante
by Group Mod - Gina on May. 4, 2014 at 2:33 PM

Are you in counseling yet? GET HELP IMMEDIATELY. Call 211 for referrals; jut that act will go a long way toward making sure your kids stay with you.

What you wrote about the alcohol and drugs as being more important... you don't want to believe it right now, but that was the real him and had nothing to do with you. He lied to you. When you come up a little from being hurt, then get ANGRY. He blew it. Not you. You're just lucky that he didn't blow it in a more deadly fashion, like getting into a car crash with the kids. In DUI crashes, the intoxicated person is rarely the one who dies; it's everyone around him.

LuckyNLoved
by Member on May. 4, 2014 at 3:09 PM

I am in counseling. I feel like I am doing everything I can as far as keeping my kids. The people involved all know that I would go to the ends of the earth to keep my kids safe. The reason there is a question in my mind is because I didn't leave him permanently the first time he relapsed. I never exposed my kids to him, and left him when I knew, but because I didn't report him then and leave permanently noone can tell me what the judge is going to say.


aehanrahan
by Group Mod - Amy on May. 4, 2014 at 7:48 PM
This!!! My ex made the same kinds of promises and I stayed with him for too long waiting for him to follow through.

Quoting justone_jen: "I hate that he will not have the chance to make things the way that he promised for so long."

Those were empty promises. Trust me. You are mourning the husband you wanted to have.

Hugs. Remember to breathe.
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