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1st Deployment husband pushing me away

Posted by on May. 24, 2010 at 11:51 PM
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Ok,so my husbands been gone the past year with boot camp and AIT and then moving to germany....he found out that he was to deploy when he got to germany he just left...He'll be gone unil next may.I don't know what to do...i'm trying to be understanding but he has really shut me out and says hes too busy to talk but all the ohter husbands from his unit contact their wifes dailey one to two times a day.We have been fighting alot and I just dont know what to do...we have a 7 mo old daughter who hes not even asking too much about he said its too hard talking to  us.Any advice..any one go through the same thing?Its very hard when the person you love nd need dosent need you or seems to care at all :(

by on May. 24, 2010 at 11:51 PM
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Replies (1-4):
ArmyWifey4907
by on May. 25, 2010 at 12:05 AM

Maybe in his mind, he thinks that if he just kind of keeps you at a distance than it'll make the separation easier??  I know my husband thought that way with our first deployment, and it wasn't until after I told him that it was only making it worse that he started emailing/calling more.

Deployments are tough for everyone, whether it's your 1st or your 5th.  They never get easier.  We're coming up on our 2nd deployment (6th separation longer than a month), and we're both dreading it.

Next time you talk to him, ask him if he's "pushing you away" because he thinks it'll make the deployment easier.  But not in an accusing way, like not trying to make it sound like he's doing something completely wrong.  Because it is very possible that that's just how he feels, and he may not realize that it's making you feel terrible. 

I'm sorry you're having to deal with this, and I wish you luck.  You can PM me anytime if you need to talk.


                                    pregnancy week by week


Je_Jette_Poo
by Member on May. 28, 2010 at 7:46 AM

Maybe he has more responsibility than the other husbands have. My husband tries his hardest to get on daily to talk, but sometimes it is hard. My friend's husband is always able to get online and talk to her many times a day, but her husband doesn't have the same responsibilities as mine does. 

Try not to fight with him. I know sometimes it is hard, and you just want to reach through the computer screen and strangle them sometimes, but you have to remember all the stress he's under right now. I mean, I know that's no excuse to fight, but men are stupid. haha

Do you guys have skype and webcams? My husband's first deployment, we didn't have the opportunity to have skype (he was on the move constantly and didn't have internet everywhere). But, we have skype this time, and it's making everything SO much better. We don't even use the phone anymore, we just skype eachother (and it's free, so that's a major plus as well as being able to see eachother). 

Did you move to Germany with him? Or are you still in the states?


ArmyWifey4907
by on May. 28, 2010 at 11:31 AM

That part is very true.  If he has more responsibilities than the other guys, he won't always have as much free-time to call or email, etc.  As of 6 months ago, my husband is his unit's Armorer.  And yes, he has a lot more responsibilities and job duties than most of the other guys.  They're at NTC right now, getting ready for the upcoming deployment, and while my friends have gotten 2-3 phone calls A DAY from their husbands, I have only heard from my 4 times.  Yea, it does irritate me and it does kind of hurt that I don't get to talk to him as much, but I also know that he has a busier job and doesn't get as much free-time.

Quoting Je_Jette_Poo:

Maybe he has more responsibility than the other husbands have. My husband tries his hardest to get on daily to talk, but sometimes it is hard. My friend's husband is always able to get online and talk to her many times a day, but her husband doesn't have the same responsibilities as mine does. 

Try not to fight with him. I know sometimes it is hard, and you just want to reach through the computer screen and strangle them sometimes, but you have to remember all the stress he's under right now. I mean, I know that's no excuse to fight, but men are stupid. haha

Do you guys have skype and webcams? My husband's first deployment, we didn't have the opportunity to have skype (he was on the move constantly and didn't have internet everywhere). But, we have skype this time, and it's making everything SO much better. We don't even use the phone anymore, we just skype eachother (and it's free, so that's a major plus as well as being able to see eachother). 

Did you move to Germany with him? Or are you still in the states?




                                    pregnancy week by week


Miss.Tiff
by New Member on May. 28, 2010 at 1:31 PM

Well my husbands a private...the other husbands arent...so i'm not sure.We talked the last two days a little bit...he's not  a talker as it is  so makes it even harder.We have skype just hasnt had the time I guess.He said he is having a  hard time handling things.One day i'm up and things are fne the others i'm not sure of anything.My husbands not the  loving sweet supportive type hes the deal with it its life kinda guy.Thanks for your help

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