NEED HELP! HAVE A TWO-YEAR-OLD AND CAN'T SEEM TO CONTROL HIM!

[antoinettegts]

My son is almost 2 and a half years old. I've been having some problems for the past 8 or 9 months with him and they have become really bad in the past month. He constantly defies me. I try and put him in time out but he knows how to climb out of the playpen and play yard when I try and put him in there to play or for timeout. If I just put him in a spot and watch him and make sure he doesn't move, he just sits there and his temper tantrum just grows. He screams louder and gets to where his face just turns red and he never learns his lesson. I do believe in spankings, but the spankings don't work. He'll do something wrong, I'll spank him and then he'll turn around and do the same thing 10 minutes later. If he doesn't get his way he will scream for hours to the point of passing out. I'm a single mother with two young children. I'm at a loss as what to do. I feel like I'm neglecting my younger son due to having to constantly deal with my older son. I have to put my younger son in his playpen or crib and then shut and lock doors so my older son can't get to him. My older son isn't nice when he plays. He'll bite, kick, hit, and crawl all over his brother. He seems to find pain amusing. When I try and show him what he's doing to his younger brother by doing it to him, most of the time he just laughs. On top of everything he's constantly making messes. All kids do, but this is unbelievable. He'll watch me clean and then he'll do exactly what his father used to do to me when I was cleaning. Make it impossible to clean, get in the way, wait until I'm done cleaning up one mess then make another mess or knock over a trash sack. He'll grab a box away from me that has food in it and just dump it all over the floor. If I happen to leave the room for like 5 minutes, I'll come back and he'll have just trashed the place. I can't put him someplace to where he can't get to me while I'm cleaning, because he knows how to get out of everything. The only thing left that I can conceive to do is to tie him up in a chair for timeout, but that's considered abuse and I think he'd figure out how to get out of that. I want to put him in a daycare but I just don't have the money. I try to get him out to the park as much as possible or take him up to the mall, but I don't always have someone to go with me and I just can't handle going places by myself with two kids other then the grocery store. I've tried talking to my father about what to do and I'm not getting anywhere with him. All he ever tells me is that I need to get the kids up to the park everyday, keep the house spotless, and find a solution. Stop whining and complaining and figure out what to do. I was the one who got myself into this mess, so now I'm the one who has to deal with it and fix it. If anyone can offer me some advice or if someone has a similar situation or did and was able to fix it, please help. I just can't keep dealing with these problems.

[Airforcewife86]

you have to be conitent with timeouts and whatever you use for timeout can't be used for anything else. he has to know thats timeout not sometimes timeout sometimes play.

be consistent!! even if it takes 3 hrs for a 2 min timeout. pick 2 things and only give timeout for those. once he learns when i do this i get this add one at a time.

if he throws it he loses it. he has to earn it back, being good for a day. I have a clear tote that says toy jail on it sitting where my 2 yr old can't reach.

if he bites make him bite himself

tantrums ignore, even hours. if he passes out it will be quiet.

enforce a nap time. give you down time and time with lil one.

get him checked for autism and adhd.

strongwilled kids will push in everyway they can. if you want to keep him in his room double the babygate on his room or get a screendoor (no glass) and put on his door instead. lets you see him but closes and locks on outside so he can't just turn knob. just remember be consistent in anything you do and eventually you will break the cycle. right now he's just seeing how far he has to push to get his way. don't let him break you. you say what you mean and follow through.

[ldanne13]

I also have a 2 1/2 year old.  I use time outs, occasional but rare spankings.  Hand slaps and a very stern voice when needed. 

Time out should be something solitude, not in the same place that is also a play area.  This can be very confusing for the child.

Now for time outs I use a chair facing a wall.  I do not suggest this for violent children, because they may throw the chair in a act of rebelion and hurt some one else or some thing very seriously. Or you may try standing at the wall facing it, away from anything that may be intriguing to the child.

Options are always a great thing. You can have this, or this. Make it clear that these are the only 2 options available.  Use this with dinner, toys, anything. 

I only use spanking and hand slaps when absolutely necesary. Hand slaps are for when he is touching some thing he is not supposed to and after 2 -3 warnings of Dont touch that, a slap of the hand gets the point across. 

Warnings... I use a 3 time warning, however here lately my son laughs at it, so each time the warnings get shorter, not longer.  You must develope a line that is not to be crossed, lengthened, or eased up on in any way. But I make sure I verbalize the reason the warnings were shortened.

Also, full explanations should be given at the end of punishment in a calm voice followed by a hug and a Sorry from the child. 

Im sorry I can't give you much advice about the violence between the 2 children, I only have one. 

Finally, I am not trying to degrade you in any way, just give you ideas.  I don't know your whole story or what the house hold is like.  I know you said that you dont feel as though you neglect either child. In my experience, just to share it with you...

I recently started attending college online full time.  That is when I noticed my sons rebelious acts became much more noticeable.  I don't feel as though I was neglecting him, but I was not giving him the same amount of attention I once was prior to extending my education through college. Well, I have to attend college and complete my assignments and so on.  So I chose to involve him in what I do a bit. I made him his own desk and chair out of a small table and chairs, gave him some of the essentials of crayons and paper set up similar to my own desk.  He enjoys it and is often encouraging me to do my school work nowadays. 

Children are always learning, and wanting to be involved in what you do.  This may help, if even it's only a little thing like notebook, crayons, and books, when atempting to attend a class or college.

I hope that my responce is some sort of help to you.  Good Luck.  Feel free to email me if you'd like any other information I may be able to provide, I will do my best to do so.