'Bachelorette' Recap: 10 Reasons to Pity Emily Maynard
Emily Maynard's season of The Bachelorette has finally begun! I am not sure there has ever been a more highly anticipated debut in Bachelor history. Never was this more clear than in the beginning of the episode when every single one of her potential suitors spent the first 20 minutes drooling over the lovely Miss Maynard.
She is adorable and sweet and reserved. She is a mom of one beautiful little girl named Ricki. Who can blame the guys for being into her? But seriously, it is too much.
Since we all know how these Bachelor tales end, there is nothing to do but pity the 26-year-old with a daughter and 25 crazy men who have already fallen for her. Here are 10 reasons to pity Emily this season:
- They speak Portuguese in Brazil: Poor Emily was accosted by Brazilian Alessandro who complimented her in Portuguese. Emily responded with "gracias." PS: That's Spanish. Different language. Cringe.
- Everyone wants to bring up her failures: How many times did they have to mention how Emily was engaged twice? As someone who was also engaged twice before I married, I will never forget the jerk who wrote in my engagement card" "third time's the charm!" No one needs to focus on past failures when they are busy trying to create future successes.
- Idiots with shoes: The dude who walked in with the glass slipper? No. Just no. Tony, you lose.
- Early adopters: "Any man who ends up with her is soooo lucky," say the drooly quartet who came into the party early. Here's an idea boys: Let's get to KNOW the girl before we propose? What a novel idea!
- Men who dress as weird grandmas: OK, so Randy seems kind of sweet, but that entrance? Was weird. Sorry, but it was. It did not work with a real grandma in Ben's season and it sure as hell won't work in this season.
- A guy carrying a giant egg: What a FREAK. This dude rivals Casey and his "guard and protect" tattoo. Although, hell, that seems almost normal now. An egg? Really?
- Chris Harrison: He's single now, so you know, Emily needs to watch those wandering hands of his. I don't trust him as far as I can throw him.
- "Golly!": I love Emily, but that expression is going to get old right quick.
- Men who use their kids: I am a single dad, YOU ARE A SINGLE MOM! It is LIKE FATE! Simmer down, dude, Simmer down. Bringing a letter from your kid is weird as can be. Sorry. It is. Even if it does win you the first impression rose.
- "Helicopter Guy," "Stevie," and "Wolf": Emily has an abundance of freaky and hostile losers. But these three take the cake. And PS: What IS a luxury brand consultant? Is it just me or is that a completely BS career?
What do you think of this season so far? Do you pity Emily?
Image via ABC