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advice on dating or ending please piog got long sorry

Posted by on Oct. 12, 2009 at 12:29 AM
  • 14 Replies

 ok here it is, you tell me if you think I have lost my mind or if I am right to feel this way, and if you can any advice would be appreciated, even the things I may not want to hear!


I started talking to a guy recently. Thought at first he seemed nice and could be someone fun to get to know and who knows from there. Then a few bells went off in my mind and not in a good way.

1. he has three kids, not such a huge thing, but custody of none and no visitation on the 1. he has plausible reasons, but I don't trust until I can verify.--yet wants to meet my kids already and wants them to think of them as a dad... ugh we haven't even met yet, so NO!

2. he can not for the life of him remember how many kids I have, or how many brothers and sisters, or where my mom is, something we have discussed a few times now.--if he can not remember those simple things, what the use in telling more important things.

3. has a severe anger and rage even at his ex's --now this may be justified, but I can not help feeling that I would have to walk on eggshells around him, so as to not "be" compared to them. I have been down that path and it was not good for either of us, as I felt like a prisoner and do not want to ever repeat that

4. he is already saying things like, well when we are home after work, and kids are in bed, no phone calls and no visitors, it is to be about us only. you will not talk to other men at all, I don't care who they are... hello i have a brother and father and my kid dad, does that include them, or are they OK? .. that makes me think OK control freak and insecure a bit.

5. he DOES NOT get along with any of his living family members, by his own admission he has no idea if half of htem are alive, and could careless to have a new fmaily butting into his life. so he does not have good relations with his family, will he try to destroy the ones i have? will I have  to "give them up" to make him happy?

6. he does not want any woman he has to work at all ever, that way he can keep an eye on finances, and he doesn't have to worry about her being hit on.. OK I love the idea of being a stay at home mom, but that to me seems like a slave and someone who would have to ask and beg for money.

Now this came to me after speaking a few times, most of this was over a few conversations and somethig in the last comversatoin brought it all together for me, and the bells went off, they had been quietly ringing but they sounded loud and clear this time.

So i am going to cut off all communication. But, need to do so in a way that is not cruel, unless it comes that it has to be that way. I do not want to argue it out, but need to find the words that work.

I understand being angry at the opposite sex and mistrustful, but I also waited until I found peace with myself and with my ex's behavior before starting to try to date again, and it does not seem he is in any way ready for any of the things that dating a relationship entail. ugh loll Yeah as you can see I been thinking and it is not helping.

by on Oct. 12, 2009 at 12:29 AM
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Replies (1-10):
by on Oct. 12, 2009 at 2:06 AM

I am glad the bells went off hon, this man has so many problems !!!! You deserve SO much more so don't ever settle for some loser like this!!!!!!!!!

A man who can not get along with a single family member? Can't remember how many kids you have? Is so insecure he doesn't want you to even talk to another man? Talk about RED FLAGS!!!!!!!!!!! 

by Bronze Member on Oct. 12, 2009 at 2:11 AM


Do you talk to him on the internet?  If so it should be easy to cut off communication.  Just say sorry, its not going to work out, and stop talking to him.  If he has your phone number don't answer! 

by on Oct. 12, 2009 at 4:36 AM

I think I got to the severe anger and rage paragraph and already I can tell you this is a no. 

by on Oct. 12, 2009 at 4:48 AM

 Do you remember an old show called "The Gong Show?" Well, picture me with that huge stick with the ball on the end hitting that round metalick "Gong!!!"...He will do nothing but make your life miserable hun, pass him up...NEXT!!! lol

by on Oct. 12, 2009 at 4:54 AM

I dont have any advice on how to get rid of him, but i wish you luck. That guy sounds like he has some issues....

by on Oct. 12, 2009 at 6:45 AM

Getting involved involved with this guy is like literally asking to have your entire life ruined! You just typed out 6 separate, very valid reasons NOT to date someone.

A woman is like a tea bag~you never know how strong she is until she gets in hot water.

I think that somehow, we learn who we really are and then live with that decision.

No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.

~Eleanor Roosevelt ~

by on Oct. 12, 2009 at 6:59 AM


by on Oct. 12, 2009 at 7:00 AM

RUN as fast as you can. tell him you aren't ready to date even though you thought you were. but pls for your sake and your kids don't try and make it work with him.

by on Oct. 12, 2009 at 7:02 AM

Run away and never look back!! Seriously, if you get with this guy he's going to be majorly abusive and that is soooo bad for not only for you but your children. I would never let him meet your kids either. 

by Bronze Member on Oct. 12, 2009 at 9:59 AM

Just tell him that you've thought about things and you have realized that things are just not going to work out with you two...

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