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Mean People

Posted by on Nov. 16, 2009 at 1:50 AM
  • 25 Replies

Hi everyone.  My name is sudra and I am new to the group.  I am 34 years old, a lawyer and my common-law husband and I just had our first child.  He is a 3-month old boy.  We love him!  

Here's what's been on my mind lately: Recently I've been noticing that I am incredibly sensitive to people's body language and their energy when I am out in public with my son.  While most people I encounter in public have been incredibly supportive and nice to me, I've been unfortunately letting the few mean ones to really get my spirit down.     

A few weeks back I was  in the supermarket at the checkout line where customers merely bring their basket of groceries to the cashier and he or she rings up each item one by one and removes it from the basket thereafter; the customer does not place his or her items on the belt.  

Well, as I bagged my groceries my little boy kept dropping his pacifier and crying.  So, I had to keep going back and forth to placate him.  Well, it seemed that the customer behind me was getting very annoyed; I don't know why!  He got so annoyed that he started putting his items on the belt before the cashier had finished ringing up my items and he (the customer) blocked my access to my son.  So, I had to go all the way to the other side of the line and back down in order to gain access to my son because this customer was blocking my access.  Finally, since the cashier was done checking out my items, I said to the customer very sternly, "Excuse me," and with a sigh, he moved out of my way.  

I am very hurt by this man's behavior.  And I feel like he would not have acted that way if I were not Black and female; he was white and, as denoted above, male and their neighborhood appeared predominately white and upper-middle class.

I remember an incident while I was about 8 months pregnant where I was in another predominately white and upper-middle class neighborhood and this white man (who ironically looked a lot like the customer mentioned above) scowled at me very intensely as I walked down the street.  This too hurt my feelings.  Again, I wondered if my appearance had something to do with the behavior.  While I am 34 years old, many people tell me I look very young for my age.  Perhaps this dude thought I was another Black teenage mother clogging the system?!  

Am I taking all this too personally???  Please help with your words.  I don't like feeling sad about the world like this.  I know it can't be as bad as it appears sometimes.  THANKS!          

by on Nov. 16, 2009 at 1:50 AM
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Replies (1-10):
Bennett121
by on Nov. 16, 2009 at 1:56 AM

 Awww mama! I am so sorry you are going through this! I understand where you are coming from to an extend. However I am white and I have found that people are rude no matter what. I have gotten to the point where at times I wouldn't even want to go shopping for groceries at all because I know how rude people are going to be. It seems to start before you even get there, other drivers being pushy and rude, then you get there and while you are shopping other people are practically pushing you out of the way and running all over you while you try to shop, then you get in line and everyone huffs and puffs while you unload your stuff and reload it, the cashier is nasty and then (with wal-mart) you get stopped at the stupid door for some ridiculous reason...... Oh my gosh I hate those days. I really hope your days aren't due to racism.  Regardless though, it still hurts when everywhere you turn people are being rude and outright nasty to you.

 

MikeysMom51108
by on Nov. 16, 2009 at 1:57 AM

I think you're taking it way too personally. I also think bringing race into it isn't right. While racism does still exist, you really shouldn't think that all white people who are rude to you do it just because you are black. There are plenty of nice white people out there just as there are plenty of rude black people. Sorry for that little rant.

Anyway, I think this guy was probably just some impatient jerk who has never had to deal with a baby. I run into people like that quite often. You just have to ignore it. No point in getting upset over things you can't change, right?

And, if it were because you happen to be a black woman--then his ignorant opinion should be worth even less to you.

Also, you're only 3 months post-partum. Your hormones are still out of whack, so it's normal to be overly sensitive.

But, congratulations on the new baby!!


Bennett121
by on Nov. 16, 2009 at 1:58 AM

hugs 

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by Head Admin on Nov. 16, 2009 at 2:30 AM

 

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Chaotic_Rayne
by on Nov. 16, 2009 at 2:37 AM

Raceism does still exist, sad to say... But you are you and these people are just ignorant. Really, I'm one to talk b/c I wear my emotions on m sleve most of the time and take thing too personally. You are not alone in feeling this way... I'm a white female and I still get looked at as you described sometimes. So its not just a race thing. At the end of the day, I know who I am and so does my family... I shouldn't care what those people think and neither should you... I know its hard, but you have to find a way to put it past you and know that those people are more scum than they might think you are b/c they are the ones being so judgemental with out even knowing who you are.

lilklink83
by on Nov. 16, 2009 at 2:50 AM

Okay I think in a way I think your being a little sensitive and in a way your not.  For one that man should never have blocked you from your baby, kudos for you for keeping your cool and saying excuse me and not loosing it with his attitude (pesonally I'm not as mature as you and I would've snapped, I'm a fire ball red head by the way), but the problem with that situation is the fact that he's a man.  I think in that situation he would've done it whether you were white or black, I willing to bet if he has kids he makes his own wife deal with them 24/7 so he doesn't know what it's like to have a fussy baby cause he doesn't have to deal with it.  My husband told me to just let my baby cry one time when I said that I was tired and needed a break of trying to soothe my son, so I put him down next to my husband and walked away, he came running after me asking what I was doing I said I'm letting him cry like you said, he was like I can't concentrate with him crying like that and I said good now you know what I feel like so don't try to make stupid suggestions that you yourself can't even handle.  So that goes to show how well men can deal with babies especially when they think their time is much more important.  My husband said sorry by the way for his stupid suggestion and thats not to say there aren't extremely patient guys out there.

As far as the dirty looks go when you were still preg I completely understand that one.  I live in a town with a lot of old folks and everyone tells me I look 16 (I'm 26 by the way).  When I would go out in public I would get that look all the time.  I had one lady get snippy with me about young people being pregnant but she didn't actually direct it towards me, so I just smiled and said I know which is why I'm glad I waited till I was 22 to have my first and I'm 26 now that I'm having my 2nd, but I would rather be young than old.  She looked so shocked.:)  I just smile and walked away, cussing under my breath cause I know she was trying to be a b@#!& but I wouldn't let her.  I guess what I wanna say is even if the person you are dealing with has bad thoughts or intentions who cares, I'm sure you are a beautiful strong black woman who is a great mom that is raising her child in the best way possible.  No one has a right to try and bring you down so don't let them.  If they ever actually voice their opion say wow its a good thing people died for you to have the freedom of free speech so you can be a complete a$$hole to stangers you don't even know.  Smile tell them good luck in life and walk away, don't think another minute about that person cause they don't deserve your time or thoughts. 

AnitaVersion2.0
by on Nov. 16, 2009 at 3:30 AM
Quoting MikeysMom51108:

I think you're taking it way too personally. I also think bringing race into it isn't right. While racism does still exist, you really shouldn't think that all white people who are rude to you do it just because you are black. There are plenty of nice white people out there just as there are plenty of rude black people. Sorry for that little rant.

Anyway, I think this guy was probably just some impatient jerk who has never had to deal with a baby. I run into people like that quite often. You just have to ignore it. No point in getting upset over things you can't change, right?

And, if it were because you happen to be a black woman--then his ignorant opinion should be worth even less to you.

Also, you're only 3 months post-partum. Your hormones are still out of whack, so it's normal to be overly sensitive.

But, congratulations on the new baby!!

WebCat
by on Nov. 16, 2009 at 7:04 AM

This is why mothers grow "attitudes". I have quite an attitude myself when it comes to my kids. I've gone up against people in high places. I win but I think I scare them ;)

And hugs to you hun. At 3 months post you're still very sensitive and emotional. His rudeness is his own problem. and maybe his wifes.. aren't you glad you don't have to live with him?

Next time someone is rude to you just think of them naked..... I'll bet you'll be the only one who has done so ;)


retsillacam
by on Nov. 16, 2009 at 7:08 AM

I agree with this :-)

Quoting MikeysMom51108:

I think you're taking it way too personally. I also think bringing race into it isn't right. While racism does still exist, you really shouldn't think that all white people who are rude to you do it just because you are black. There are plenty of nice white people out there just as there are plenty of rude black people. Sorry for that little rant.

Anyway, I think this guy was probably just some impatient jerk who has never had to deal with a baby. I run into people like that quite often. You just have to ignore it. No point in getting upset over things you can't change, right?

And, if it were because you happen to be a black woman--then his ignorant opinion should be worth even less to you.

Also, you're only 3 months post-partum. Your hormones are still out of whack, so it's normal to be overly sensitive.

But, congratulations on the new baby!!



LolaGetFree
by on Nov. 16, 2009 at 7:33 AM

i really liked what linklink had to say!

an i dont think you are taking it too personal, you can provide for yourself and your family and YOU KNOW THAT YOU CAN, so what does it matter right? wrong! truth is i feel that people are always going to have problems with folks who are out and about with their kids alone-meaning not with the dads(weither or not their in their life or not)- people are always going to jump to conclusions " oh look at that single mom" and stupid stuff like that, I myself am 8 an a half months an i had to go onto wic at 4 months because of layoffs, we needed help with money, i too get stared at when im using the wic checks to get the things that they offer to me, after which i actually do buy and pay for other items AFTER my checks had been takin care, for those of you who dont know, the whole process of obtaining the items on the checks can be VERY time consuming, i resulted in going to 24 hour grocery stores just so i could make sure that it wasnt busy so that folks wouldnt have to wait in line because i was getting sick and tired of all the huffing and puffing

i went shopping with my husband one time during the day and i didnt realize it would be busy so i told him that i didnt want to use the checks till later because it would take a long time he reassured me that i shouldnt give a .... and it made me feel better because it seems like everyone just needs a little bit of help these days. what made me feel better bout using the checks at any time of day when its conveinent for me is the fact we can support ourselves and our child and we know this and it shouldnt matter how other people see us or myself when im by myself


my suggestion: dont think about it!! and be pushy about being next to your son! BABIES CRY!!! and someone should have givin that jerk the memo!

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