Do you think there will always be a feud between moms and step-moms? Do you think most moms would say they are better or more important then step-moms? I get that feeling but maybe it's just me.
I am a "step mom" to an 8 year old boy. However, he lives with us full time as we have full custody of him. I was just telling my husband the other day that it sucks being a "step" mom, because you treat them like your own children because you don't want them to be treated as "step" children, but you get shit on because you are the "step" mom! My son see's his birth mom almost every weekend but I am raising him and get no kudos because I'm not "mom". IT SUCKS!
I'm a SAHM to 4 children, Mommy to Irish Twins, married to my best friend, breastfeeding, circumsizing, anti CIO, spanking when needed, kids don't get away with much, NIP and don't care what you see b/c my child has a right to eat, keep a clean house, non husband bashing, LOVE to laugh, smart ass kind of Mommy. Nice to meet you.
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What do you mean by "feud". My mom (step mother to my half sisters) and their biological mother always got along, they weren't the best of friends but my mother cared about them, their mother recognized that fact and they respected one another for the fact their major interest was on raising the kids properly. I've not had any problems with my ex's wife, I know that she only has wanted what was in the best interests of my daughter and I have always respected her and am grateful she treats my daughter well. There has never been any "feuds" here. Or are you buying into the stereotypical parent/step parent propaganda?
You know I think it has to do with the idea of someone else being a "mom" to your kids. I know if DH and I ever split I would have a hard time approving of whomever he chooses to be a step-mom. Mostly cause I know the kind of women he would choose if he werent with me.
Now I have a problem if the first mom just left the guy and then waited a few years to decide that she wanted teh guy in her kids life and then get mad that he has another wife or gf.
My husbands ex cheated on him while she was prego. She had the baby and left him for the other guy. His daughter was almos 2 when I met him and he barely saw her because the mom was always "too busy" to let him come over or to bring his daughter over.
The first year I was with hubby the woman acted like I wasnt even there. She had another kid with the guy she left DH for, but still had a problem with me. And I had barely had any contact with SD. It has been 6 years, DH and I have 2 kids together and we haven't seen SD in over a year because they are always "too busy" to let her come over or for him to go visit. He calls he on the weekends but thats about all the contact we have and she lives in town.
SD's mom still doesnt like me, and I have never given her a reason not to like me. She wont talk to me unless I answer the phone instead of hubby and then its short and quick and shes off the phone.
I am almost sure that her problem with me is the fact that DH married me and not her. She tried to split us up several times just by talking shit. But she doesnt want to get back with him, she just doesnt want anyone else with him. It has nothign to do with SD, we dont even see her.
Quoting kubanitachic:
Do you think there will always be a feud between moms and step-moms? Do you think most moms would say they are better or more important then step-moms? I get that feeling but maybe it's just me.
Um...aren't they? Coming from a mother (my son doesn't have a step-mom, currently) I would have to say that I personally believe that the biological mother, or at least this biological mother, is more important that a step-mom. Not to my son's father, of course, but to my child, that I gave birth to, that I've raised since that day, yes, I do believe that I am more important. I hope that if he ever has a step-mom that we don't have the kind of nasty relationship that stoops to this level, but still.
l'd imagine most mothers would feel more important than a step mom because they ARE. They are the REAL mother. They gave birth to the child. If they are still involved in their child's lives, and still raising them, then they will always be more important than the step parent. Honestly, no one can replace MOM. I'd say the same about dads.
I think every situation is different. You can see that from just reading the first 5 posts. My situation is different from many of the others I've read in other posts as well. There can be a way to "get along" as a step parent. Figuring out how can be the hard part. Getting past the past can also be a HUGE obstacle.
Mom's can be the most important. However, I was reading the reponses to the question, "When was the last time you saw your mom?" There are people that dont get along with their moms. Would they say their step mom is more important than the mom?
Quoting KairisMama:l'd imagine most mothers would feel more important than a step mom because they ARE. They are the REAL mother. They gave birth to the child. If they are still involved in their child's lives, and still raising them, then they will always be more important than the step parent. Honestly, no one can replace MOM. I'd say the same about dads.
I completely agree with you KairisMama. I am a fantastic step-mom. I treat my step-daughter like my own daughter and my own son, I love her the same I do them (Her dad and I have been together since she was 8 months). My step-daughter chooses to call me mom, with that said - I never have, nor will I ever try to replace her mother. My step-daughter knows who I am, she knows I am her step-mom - but she also knows how much she loves me (and how much I love her), and she also knows that I am a mother to her. She gets the same disipline by me as my own children, and the same love as my own children - when anyone asks I have three children - I just didn't give birth to one of them.
Will there always be a feud between all moms and step-moms - no. For us I doubt we'll ever like each other or the decisions each has made - but it doesn't change the significance of a mother-daughter relationship or a stepmother-daughter relationship, both are immensly important especially with young step-children.
I'm Aubree (or Bree), I'm a 21 year old, formula feeding, non-circumcising, non-vaccinating, occasionally co-sleeping, disposable diapering, spanking when needed, forward faced at 1, brutally honest, thinks children can call their step-parent "mommy" or "daddy" if that's what they choose, wife to Andy since 04/07, mommy to Delilah Renee since 12/07, Mommy to Elliot Jay since 08/09, and step-mommy to Brookelyn Lucille (born 09/05).
I have been a full time step mom to 3 ages, 8, 10 and 12. I tried to be friends with the mother but right now we don't speak due to accusations on her part. She doesn't pay child support, help with the kids, can't even send a card for Christmas or Bday to her own kids. She told the kids few years back that she is the only mommy they can have, but since then things changed and to the kids I am their mom since I had been here thru the good and bad and their mom has been out of the picture by choice has not job or stable place to leave where the kids could visit her. I am doing the best I can in being a mother figure since I don't want the girls to grow up being mothers like their.
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- kubanitachic
on Nov. 21, 2009 at 2:43 PM