I told him something really Private that happened to me and he....
Didnt say anything.
I told my Fiance that when i was a child i had an encounter with a neighbor who was inappropriate with me. I was only around 5 years old at the time and it has caused a lot of problems in my life, as far as relationships and stuff.
When i told my fiance he didnt even look at me and didnt say a word. He actually hasnt said a word and that was 2 days ago. I was telling him because im just now having it impact me AGAIN really badly. its effecting relationships in my life and i need someone to talk to. So i thought hed be the one to talk to to help me out, maybe. I guess i was wrong.
I think a lot of people just don't know what to say or what to think about situations like that. If he has never experienced it himself, he will never understand the full impact it has on you, even if you try to explain it to him. If possible, I would talk to a counselor. As you talk to the counselor, you can come home and express the things that were discussed and how it makes you feel. This will take the pressure off of him because men often feel that if we have problems that they are supposed to "fix" it. If they can't fix it, they often avoid it.
I agree with the previous person who said that alot of people don't know how to respond to something like that. I also told my fiance' a similar thing about my past. He also really couldn't resond. I chose to talk to a therapist....an impartial party.
I agree with PPs. It is difficult for most people when they hear something like that. He probable doesn't know what to think and he may not know what response to give, and what response you want from him. He may feel like you expect him to fix it and obviously he can't.
Give him time, try seeing a therapist who has experience with that sort of thing, and in the future you may be able to talk about it some more.
Quoting myfoursonsks:
I think a lot of people just don't know what to say or what to think about situations like that. If he has never experienced it himself, he will never understand the full impact it has on you, even if you try to explain it to him. If possible, I would talk to a counselor. As you talk to the counselor, you can come home and express the things that were discussed and how it makes you feel. This will take the pressure off of him because men often feel that if we have problems that they are supposed to "fix" it. If they can't fix it, they often avoid it.
Ditto..well said
Geez, some men are just emotionally incompetent! I'm sorry you are dealing with this. Try to focus on the positive things in your life and realize that evil people walk the earth, and do your best to avoid them (speaking of that bad person when you were young). Your fiance sounds a little immature. I hope he comes around and becomes more supportive for you. Life is filled with a lot of bumps in the road, and you'll really need a spouse who can be there for you!
I have a similar situation. I know how you feel. I told my Dh and he didnt say anything either. Later on..like yrs later he told me it made him angry. That he wanted to kill the guy/s and he couldnt do anything to change it. Some men arnt so good at being comforting, they're better at being strong...the kind where they handle things without letting emotion show.
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on Nov. 24, 2009 at 12:11 PM