i need to vent

[BrittanyGib1088]

I'm living with my parents right now with my 4 month old son. I'm 21 years old, currently in college, but not working. 

I love the fact that my parents are helping me out right now while I go through school and stuff but my mother is acting like my son is HER child. He is trying to make decisions for him and is taking over with everything. I am not ungrateful but it's getting to the point where she thinks she is in complete control.

I don't really know what to do. I've tried talking to her. It doesn't work. She says its her motherly instincts but she is going way overboard. It's almost getting to the point where I don't even like being around her. 

So I need advice. I don't want negative feedback at all.

[wilesmomma]

You need to set ground rules or get out. I am not trying to sound mean what so ever but there isn't anything you can do from inside her house. Good luck. 

[BabyJae]

I think that kind of comes with living with parents sometimes. They think they know whats best because they have more experience than you. The only way its going to stop is to move out. I think as long as she is providing a place for you and your child to live, food, and I am going to assume babysitting because you say your in school it won't stop until you leave.

[WesAndNicksMom]

it's not really about setting ground rules.  just put your foot down.  when she tries to do things you don't like, just don't let her.  tell her immeadiately that it's your child and not hers.  you don't have to be mean about it, just assertive :)

[LuvmySFSGT]

Unfortunately you can not force her to stop...since you are in her home.

However...if I were you I would write her a non-confrontational letter...maybe praising her own mothering abilities in raising you and then express that you want to pass all those things you learned onto your own child...while she just enjoys being a Grandma.

Hopefully that helps and if not I would just do what you can to keep the peace until you can move out.

[mitch576]

first... a hug. i was 20 when i became a mom.. living at home at the time too. your complaint is actually a common one, regardless of age.

  there will come a point in time when you will have to look the woman dead in the eye and say.

 " you were allowed to parent me... you were allowed to make your mistakes... you need to back off and allow me to be a mother.. even if i make mistakes. how will i ever learn?

and mom.. chill out, you keep forgetting that you taught me how to be a mom. i can handle it."

you will have to put your foot down... but at the same time, you will have to deal with it too. it's what grandma's do!

hugs... it will get better with time.

[nettesmomma]

I had this same problem when I first had DD....except it was my (now ex) FIL.  I lived with my FIL from the time my DD was born until she turned 3.  I am a well organized person who believes in schedules.  I had set times for everything, feedings, baths, bed, etc.  FIL would just do whatever he wanted whenever, and it would piss me off to no end.  He would come home from work late some nights (8 or 9 pm) and DD was in bed by 8.  He would literally go into her room and wake her out of a dead sleep just to play with her for 30 minutes or so.  That's just one example. 

In my experience, the only way things are going to change, is if you put your foot down.  If she's doing something you don't want her to do, intervene.  Literally step in front of her and handle the situation.  It's a sucky situation to be in, you basically have to prove to your child that your the parent and they obey you...not grandma.  Or move out.  Hope things get better momma.