Long nasty rant about my terrible Thanksgiving...
Well, DH, the kids and I had a great time...
But the rest of our families are a bunch of jack@sses...
MIL and SIL are fighting with DH's aunt and cousin. DH's grandparents got involved. It was over something really stupid... So now both halfs of the family are divided, and because of it, out of his dozen or so adults, only his brother and grandfather came to dinner.
My family (all I have near me is my mom, dad, and brother) was worse. My brother (18) came by. He's a sweetheart and was trying to get to everyone's celebration. My dad didn't show, when he said he would, who knows why. My mom apparently had an "issue" and didn't come. She always cooked for us, and then when I started a family, we rented the apartment below her, so we always still did things the same as we did growing up. Anyway, this was our first year in our first home, and it was important to me that everyone come celebrate with us, all as a family... She apparently had trouble accepting it, and rather than say anything, she just didn't show. I bit my tongue, as always, but then my brother felt bad for me and told her that she really hurt my feelings, etc. She got pissed and hung up on him. So I cooked enough food for about 25 people, and found out close to the last minute, that half of these people weren't even going to show.
Turkey, mashed potatoes, rolls, cornbread, corn, carrots, green bean casserole, gravy, stuffing, drinks, pie... Who knows what else...
I just wanted this to be a special memory for our kids, as a great way to start off our new life. I wish I wasn't stood up. Everyone knows our financial situation (I'm laid off and really struggled to save enough money for this). Am I being a bitch about it? I haven't said a word to anyone, and I don't know if I should or not.
i know how you feel. i was lefted out this year because i spoke my mind to my brothers teen dd. most of my family was over at my bothers home. they didn't bother to invite my little family. i was alittle prepare ofr it. that's why i cooked enough just my family. we had a nice quite lunch before my dh went to work. i'm just going to stay in the back ground for now on. it's just not worth having hurt feeling over the who's and whatevers..... i think i'm going to make speacial memories just my little family...
I won't go into my long boring story, but I will say that after 11 years together, dh and I have decided, it's not about everyone else. Thanksgiving in my house was celebrated with dh and the kids. No one else, because they chose not to be a part of it and I refuse to let it ruin my holidays anymore. I hope that things get better for you. I know that it is sooo stressful. From now on, I'd just start cutting ties with the people that you cannot rely on, but I would probably explain to them why you are so upset, and don't pull no punches!
Quoting manda325:
I won't go into my long boring story, but I will say that after 11 years together, dh and I have decided, it's not about everyone else. Thanksgiving in my house was celebrated with dh and the kids. No one else, because they chose not to be a part of it and I refuse to let it ruin my holidays anymore. I hope that things get better for you. I know that it is sooo stressful. From now on, I'd just start cutting ties with the people that you cannot rely on, but I would probably explain to them why you are so upset, and don't pull no punches!
I never really looked at it that way. Thanksgiving is about the ones who want to be there with family. I was stressing too much about people coming, when I could have been focusing that more on the people who really did come. I guess I was guilty of not focusing on the true meanings of Thanksgiving too... Shame on me...
I'm sorry you had such a terrible day however, it is Thanksgiving and time to give thanks for what we do have and the people that we get to share ourselves with. I'm sure that the family that you spent your day with really appreciated all you did.
From my own experience, I've seen people (whoever is hosting) look at the holiday (any holiday) as a day for everyone to be thankful, loving, caring, put aside negative feelings, etc. Why? Wouldn't that be so phoney? It's alot of pressure and stress to force people together that do not really care for each other. It's unfair for the host to expect such things. Now that you're an adult, have your own family and home, you can welcome all the people in.....but you need to be understanding if they're unwilling to come and be in some peoples company.
im the opposite of you. I didnt want anyone but me, dh and our kids. I made the meal and as we were sitting down, a friend of ours just shows up and watched us all eat. I was pissed! I feel like he ruined my whole thanksgiving because i wanted it to be special. so rude! He had already eaten with his family and just wanted to come hang out. I take holidays pretty seriously. I have a vision of how I want it and if it doesnt go that way, im dissapointed. Oh well,that just me. So yea, i understand how you feel.
Quoting EireLass:
From my own experience, I've seen people (whoever is hosting) look at the holiday (any holiday) as a day for everyone to be thankful, loving, caring, put aside negative feelings, etc. Why? Wouldn't that be so phoney? It's alot of pressure and stress to force people together that do not really care for each other. It's unfair for the host to expect such things. Now that you're an adult, have your own family and home, you can welcome all the people in.....but you need to be understanding if they're unwilling to come and be in some peoples company.
I think that's what I'll do for Christmas and every year to follow. I'm done getting in the middle and trying to "fix" everyone's problems with each other. I think I'll just plan the holidays for me, DH and the kids (and prepare a little extra, if visitors come) but that's it. If everyone that does end up coming brings something, then I won't have to make a lot anyway. I guess I'd rather have people not come, then come and be unhappy and forced to act phony. We put up the tree last night, just the 5 of us, and had a fun time. I'm trying to create traditions for my kids, and instead of the act of them, it should be the meaning of them. This year our "thing" was to put up the tree on Black Friday, in our new Christmas PJs, and eat pumpkin pie... That was fun, and most of that was just on a whim.
I'm sorry maybe things will get better for you.I have a huge family 6 brothers and 2 sisters. But have no-one to talk to about the only sister who has passed away.We all live within 25 miles of each other. The only time I see them is if I run across one of them at a mall. Our mom is still alive she is 92 years old she loves all of us. But I don't accept drugs and fighting like they do. I will not accept some of the things they do so they choose not to bring that to my home. Smart choice keeps them safe and out of the jail house. This year we celebrated at my daughters home with her family us and my other daughter. I did make one phone call to my one sister to ask about mom. She keeps a watch out for mom since she isn;t doing real good anymore. But it is very sad that I as a daughter and sister don't feel,welcome or even safe to visit my mom and other family. It is always very sad to hear of families like mine not being able to come together especially at this time of year. But I do understand my family has been broken for years...
Oh my!!!!!
Hang in there girls, I've been hosting Thanksgiving for 'bout 25 years, sometimes it's great and sometimes it's not, but I keep doin' it.
My home has become the place to heal, laugh (no matter what's goin' on), eat, play games, etc..... I've learned that, if I stay centered and a prayin' woman, it will work out, cause there will always be a 
, in the road. So I stay calm, no matter what. And from that has come a great deal of comfort for my family, but not for me. I just stay out of everyone's mess, cause I got too much mess with my depressed man.
Plus, I've been delegated the 'lady' of the family, which I truly hate. I can not stand all of my new found responsibitilies, but I handle them like a 'warrior'.
Anywho, stay strong ladies, cause that's the only way you'll get thru all of the junk in life......
TaTa.........
How do you get fruit into your kid’s diet while eating out?
- momof3jam
on Nov. 27, 2009 at 1:05 AM