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I am so sick of this UPDATE

Posted by on Jan. 18, 2010 at 6:50 PM
  • 13 Replies

My 18 year old has a friend that dh and I and her sister can't stand.  She is a mooch, leach and a terrible influence.  This girl drinks, does drugs (not in our home).  She isn't working or going to college and seems to be floating and mooching from her friends. 

She spent 2 nights last week at our home and dd just said she wants to spend tomorrow night.  I said NO.  I am sure she would stay at least 2 nights if we would let her.  This girl needs to get a life, job, and go to school.  I haven't liked this girl since my dd became friends with her 4 years ago.  I never told her she couldn't be friends with her but I can tell her she can't stay over and mooch off of us.  Her Mom moved to Arizona (probably to get away from her dd), LOL and she is living with her Dad now who lives 45minutes from us.  Her excuse why she spends the night a lot around here is she doesn't want to drive back to her Dads?  I don't know where she is getting gas money?  I guess her Dad is enabling her or her friends are?  I hope dd isn't giving her some of her hard earned money. 

by on Jan. 18, 2010 at 6:50 PM
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Replies (1-10):
balagan_imma
by Silver Member on Jan. 18, 2010 at 7:03 PM

Is there any way you could be a good influence on this girl. She may be lonely and "mooching" because she has nothing and no one up at her dad's. Her mom moved away and she might really be hurting. I know as a younger teen I would go hang out at a neighbor's a lot because I was lonely. I didn't realize it at the time. The point is that even though I was a pain, she was kind and let me come in each time. She saw that my mom was working a lot and when she was home she drank or was on the phone with her friends.

Try to be kind. Kids don't always act in the right way because they don't always have someone to teach them. If DD asks if the friend can stay for dinner, involve them in making the dinner, so they are helping. If she is wearing the same thing after 3 days have her help you do the the wash. Maybe she will get a life and forever be grateful.

atlmom2
by Susie on Jan. 18, 2010 at 7:10 PM

 

Quoting balagan_imma:

Is there any way you could be a good influence on this girl. She may be lonely and "mooching" because she has nothing and no one up at her dad's. Her mom moved away and she might really be hurting. I know as a younger teen I would go hang out at a neighbor's a lot because I was lonely. I didn't realize it at the time. The point is that even though I was a pain, she was kind and let me come in each time. She saw that my mom was working a lot and when she was home she drank or was on the phone with her friends.

Try to be kind. Kids don't always act in the right way because they don't always have someone to teach them. If DD asks if the friend can stay for dinner, involve them in making the dinner, so they are helping. If she is wearing the same thing after 3 days have her help you do the the wash. Maybe she will get a life and forever be grateful.

This girl has been the same for 4 years even when she lived with her Mom.  I know it sounds mean but no, I am not going to keep letting her mooch here.  She barely passed HS.  She didn't and doesn't have any ambition.  FYI, when she is here I am NOT rude to her.  She brought enough clothes for a week the last time she was here.  I figured out she is just floating around.  She went to her Dad's to do laundry last time and then probably went to someone elses house. 

FYI, she has had jobs before and either quit them or gotten fired so her record isn't good.  My dd tried to get her hired where she works and they will not hire her. 

Jessymessy
by on Jan. 18, 2010 at 7:57 PM

I would express your distaste for her to her and to your daughter. My mom did this with my brothers girlfriend, they were both 18, and she and some other friends ended up getting into some bad trouble one day and I really believe my brother would have been roped into it somehow if my mom didn't tell them both honestly what she thought. I think 18 is old enough for your daughter to understand your concern as an adult talking to an adult, and not rebel. My brother is thankful for my mom telling him her oppinion especially after the chic got arrested. I am just saying, maybe if you let your daughter know you are aproaching her as an adult (she may feel respected by you) then she will be more receptive.

atlmom2
by Susie on Jan. 18, 2010 at 7:58 PM

My dd knows how we feel and this girls knows as well. 

Quoting Jessymessy:

I would express your distaste for her to her and to your daughter. My mom did this with my brothers girlfriend, they were both 18, and she and some other friends ended up getting into some bad trouble one day and I really believe my brother would have been roped into it somehow if my mom didn't tell them both honestly what she thought. I think 18 is old enough for your daughter to understand your concern as an adult talking to an adult, and not rebel. My brother is thankful for my mom telling him her oppinion especially after the chic got arrested. I am just saying, maybe if you let your daughter know you are aproaching her as an adult (she may feel respected by you) then she will be more receptive.


Jessymessy
by on Jan. 18, 2010 at 8:03 PM

so whats going on now? I mean, more details

Quoting atlmom2:

My dd knows how we feel and this girls knows as well. 

Quoting Jessymessy:

I would express your distaste for her to her and to your daughter. My mom did this with my brothers girlfriend, they were both 18, and she and some other friends ended up getting into some bad trouble one day and I really believe my brother would have been roped into it somehow if my mom didn't tell them both honestly what she thought. I think 18 is old enough for your daughter to understand your concern as an adult talking to an adult, and not rebel. My brother is thankful for my mom telling him her oppinion especially after the chic got arrested. I am just saying, maybe if you let your daughter know you are aproaching her as an adult (she may feel respected by you) then she will be more receptive.



atlmom2
by Susie on Jan. 18, 2010 at 8:16 PM

I told her no spending the night at our house tomorrow.  That is where is is now.  I know she will be asking again and again though. 

Jessymessy
by on Jan. 18, 2010 at 8:20 PM

asking again and again about tomorrow night? or about other nights, because if she asked ME again and again, id be pissed!

Quoting atlmom2:

I told her no spending the night at our house tomorrow.  That is where is is now.  I know she will be asking again and again though. 


onefootcutiepie
by on Jan. 18, 2010 at 8:20 PM

It's possible that her household is not a safe one.

I pretty much lived at my best friends house when I was teen because my house was not safe. They took me in with loving arms and are still my second set of parents today.

atlmom2
by Susie on Jan. 18, 2010 at 9:34 PM

Its not my problem.  I will not take in an 18 year old that won't get a job, doesn't go to college, quit college, BARELY finished HS because she skipped ton and had to go to court over not going to school (my dd had perfect attendance for 8 years), quit jobs, got fired from jobs, does drugs, drinks etc.  Why would I want her in my home and to influence my 18 year old? 

Quoting onefootcutiepie:

It's possible that her household is not a safe one.

I pretty much lived at my best friends house when I was teen because my house was not safe. They took me in with loving arms and are still my second set of parents today.


atlmom2
by Susie on Jan. 19, 2010 at 1:47 AM

A detective came to our home tonight looking for my daughter regarding an egging incident a month ago.  My dd told me about it and she didn't go.  The detective mentioned names, including the girl mentioned in this post.  He pretty much said they are all not good.  He said one girls supposedly deals drugs and he wouldn't put anything past the girl this post is about.  We talked to our dd and she agreed she needs to get new friends which in the past month she has been moving on, just not away from this one particular girl.  Maybe she will now!!!!!  We can only hope. 

She has to call and talk to the detective tomorrow. 

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