HELP, custody situation.

[RachelBeth1984]

so i lived in new york, when i left my kids dad, we where/are married but havent lived together in a year, i have had 30 charges against him in the past year but the courts don't do what they should, it started with 6 charges including endangering the welfare of a child, unlawful inprisionment, harassment, assult, etc, they all got acded for a year five months later he broke the order and got contempt and stalking charge, they acd those too, then five months later he got 20 charges for breaking the order 17 contempt and 3 felony aggrivated harassemnt, they gave him time served on 27 days because it was his "first offense" it took less than 3 weeks and he got another stalking and contempt charge, the kids came home from a visit and on one occasion my son 3 at the time said that daddy said he could kill rachel at work and my daughter on another occasion came home upset because she didn't want to go live with daddy, when i told her at 2 years old that she didn't have to she said yes i do after daddy takes you in the woods and makes you cry and burries you where no  one can find you. ... he is a violent person with a violent past his criminal record typed and printed is 12 pages long it includes not just the domestic violence charges but felony burglery, drug charges, harassment charges, sex crimes, he was even arrested in jail for stabbing someone. .... he is a dangerous guy and threatened to kill me several times he even threatened to kill the kids, he was violent with them too, so i took the kids to texas to live with my boyfriend a nice guy who i have known since i was 5, i did not wait to get the move approved through court, but there was no restrictions on where i could live, now i have recieved court papers to go back to ny for custody for him not getting his supervised visits,, what i need to know is, do i look for a lawyer in texas or ny? can i avoid having to go back to ny? how can i get the court to actually do something and punish him for breaking the law and protect my kids and i? i am afraid that if we live in ny it wont be long before my kids or i am seriously hurt or killed. he has held me down and choked me in front of the kids and told me he wanted to watch me die, because he said i looked at him wrong. .. how do i protect myslef and my kids in this situation and come to a qucik legal solution...... i don't know what to do.............

[babyfat5]

If i were in your shoes first I would get a consult with a few TX lawyers. With no restriction on where you could live, and if you have lived in TX more than 6 mos the case would have to be turned over to TX. I have not read your papers nor has anybody on this board but if you were not told you could not move out of state this should be the case. When you find a lawyer show all the papers you have that he is a violent offender. NY just tends to wait until the violent person kills somebody then claims they didn't know shit or papers got lost in the shuffle but when it comes to child abuse TX is hell to deal with.

Unfortunately what you are facing is a battle either way. See some woman will say a man is violent, has made threats to the kids, is a pedophile and the list goes on just to punish a man for moving on. When this happens it ruins the credibility of the woman who has been abused and is protecting her kids and makes it harder for her to get the protection she needs.

Talk to a lawyer where you are first... possibly get a referral from a woman domestic violence hot line. They know who to go to for what.

[LoveMyBlessings]

I agree, consult some TX lawyers. They will know which state you are going to have to hire someone in. Keep in mind that if you get a TX lawyer and in the end have to travel, it may be about the same cost as dealing with a NY lawyer over the phone when you are far away the whole time.

Don't do this without a lawyer. You can march on there by yourself and demand answers to why he hasn't had to answer for the charges that they had against him, but the court will treat you like a scorned ex... if your lawyer goes in and demands answers, he will get the answers. You will get much more of what you want if you have a lawyer. AND he might give in and drop the things that he wants when he see's that you have a lawyer and are serious about taking him to the cleaners as far as making sure that he pays for what he has done.

I assume a lawyer will tell you this, but just to be sure, request that your kids see a therapist (of the courts choosing)... they will open up to a therapist and then the therapist can take the info to court and advocate for your children. DO what needs to be done and spend the money on a good attorney... once it is over you can move on, but right now just do whatever it takes to keep your kids from his nastiness and hatred.

Oh yeah, and be sure to run a background check on him, get all his arrest records (even if he ended up not being charged, the arrest records will show his physical arrest was made).... get any copies and records from probation/parole officers... go to the courts and make all copies of the charges brought against him, even if they were later dropped. Just be prepared. You want as much info on him as humanly possible. Walk into that court with a nice large folder of his past and what he has done. Keep it up to date and organized by date... it will help you so much to have that info with you.

[SunnyJoJo]

I'm kind of thinking that you could get it changed to Texas if you've lived there for a year or more. That was the deal with my custody stuff, if I hadn't lived here for over a year I'd have to go back. Contact a Texas lawyer for a consult and they can tell you everything and will be familiar with your state's laws as well.

[RachelBeth1984]

we have only been in texas for almost 3 months, can i get a lawyer in ny like over the phone and not have to go to ny for court, i don't know if i can afford a lawyer and travel cost?

[MemawBrie]

You need to go to the DA (District Attorney) where you're living, and CALL the DA in NY.  Tell them everything, and tell them you fled the state for yours and the kids' safety because the NY authorities wouldn't do anything to guarantee your safety. 

In addition to needing a good attorney, you should also contact CPS or Social Services so you can have an advocate go to court with you.  You'll still have to go back to NY, because if you don't, the judge will issue a warrant for your arrest.  If you get arrested, your kids will be put in foster care, so it would be wise to make arrangements with family or someone you trust to take them instead.  If they go into foster care, it could take a very long time to get them back, and since their biological father lives in NY, they'd more than likely allow him to take custody of them.  If they're not safe with him, you don't want that. 

Depending on the extradition laws in TX, you may be able to waive extradition, which means you choose to go willingly back to NY with the authorities to avoid an extradition hearing in TX.   You don't want it to get that far though.  You definitely need to get on the ball and start contacting people who can help you. 

If you want to go back to TX, you'll need to petition the court for permission and get something in writing,from the judge, otherwise you can't leave the state of NY.  If you have to stay in NY, I strongly urge you to get another restraining/order of protection, and BUY A GUN!  I'm serious!  The only way to convince someone with power and control issues like that, is to put bite to your bark. 

Unless you really need to, I would keep it unloaded, just in case he gets it away from you or the kids get ahold of it.  He won't know the difference.  Keep some pepper spray on you at all times for back up.  Don't let your guard down, keep your doors locked and check inside, and under your car before you get in.  I don't know how old your children are, but if they're in school, make sure you inform the school that their father is NOT to pick them up and that ONLY the people you have listed are.  Ask them to be sure they ask for ID before they release your kids to anyone. 

I'm sorry for what all you've been through.  I hope everything works out for you.  Good luck.

[Sassy762]

I sent you a private message .......

[wv_tabby]

I would do a consult with a TX lawyer but laws could be diff in NY so u might have to consult one there too..sure u could do it over the phone, but dont know from personal exp so i cant help there.  But I would DEFINATELY MENTION him threatening your n the kids life to whoever you talk to and say your afraid he would kill the kids, u n then himself like some of those other people have done lately.  I'm sure thats crossed ur mind, he sounds crazy n definately dangerous!  hope things work out!!