Im a SAHM and I do EVERYTHING around the apartment and for the baby.. its no big deal, but I dont get much time for myself, especially with my fiancee. Even though I live with my fiancee, Chris, I dont get to see him much because he works the grave-yard shift full time. Well this week he got scheduled 4 10 hour shifts with 3 days off, Tuesday, Friday, and Saturday. Its rare enough to have a Friday or Saturday off, but both is unheard of! Last night, on his way into work, he calls me and says his friends are planning on going to a strip club on Saturday ( He was told all of this on Tuesday when he spends ALL evening at a friends from 5pm-3am like he does every week) Well, Chris tells me hes thinking about going. I then tell him that I might not be able to do anything Saturday b/c the lack of a baby sitter. But hes ok with that, because he doesnt want me to come anyways! WTF? He claims that he just wants to hang out and have a few drinks with his friends and would rather it not be a strip club... but then why is he thinking about going? He would rather spend his night off with his single and/or gay friends at a strip club then with me and our baby? I NEVER get to see my friends b/c they are all guys, and out of respect for Chris, I dont invite them over when hes not home, and when he is home, hes sleeping, or he wants it to be "just us." Do I have the right to not like the idea of him going to a strip joint (especially when hes said he doesnt want me to come!? Id rather not to go one, but if it meant that I could spend time with him..). Not only that.. but, to me, hes saying hed rather spend 2 of the 3 nights with his friends away from me, and that HURTS. Hes always saying he misses me and wants to have more time with me, then why is he doing this? Am I over thinking? What would you do if your SO did this? How should I approach him about this?
EDIT: He does not frequent strip clubs, he claims he wanted to go because of his buds going out, and he wanted to join. Hes decided to NOT go BECAUSE it is to strip club. he does not "work his ass off so i can stay home." I have not been able to get hired since I was fired back in July, but I pay for 50% of everything with my savings and/or the annuity payments that I get. Infact, when he was unnemployed and we were just dating, I took care of him and all his bills. And for you who are judging me for having a child out of wedlock.. You have no clue what the situation was, so you have no right to judge me. What was I supposed to do, abort her? I don't think so.
I never thought I'd be a mom, but this precious little "oops" has my whole heart and soul. I never realized I could love something so much.
After 53 hours of labor, my DD, Braelyn, was born on 1/8/10 12:53 am by c-section. 8lb6oz, 21.5",
Sorry but no you don't have the right to not like him going to a strip club. You're not his wife. He has made no promises, no vows to you, no contract other than the fact that you say he is your fiance. You have made it easy for him to take advantage of you and now you want to complain about it. The best way to avoid this from happening is to get married before you decide to move in together, before the baby comes.
Nope, you guys sound young and he sounds very selfish and immature, I would not put up with it and i would tell him exactly how you feel wright him a letter and tell him how is actions make you feel and that you feel he is neglecting his child and you because he would always rather be with his friends than his family. Sorry mama I'd be pissed and would NOT tolerate that behavior.
Quoting CoeyG:
Sorry but no you don't have the right to not like him going to a strip club. You're not his wife. He has made no promises, no vows to you, no contract other than the fact that you say he is your fiance. You have made it easy for him to take advantage of you and now you want to complain about it. The best way to avoid this from happening is to get married before you decide to move in together, before the baby comes.
So since they are not married on paper that makes it okay for him to walk all over her and neglect his child? Its okay for him to stay out all hours of the night on his day off? Before I was married and lived w/ my fiance he did not act this way. I would advice her not to marry him until he changes his ways b/c if he don't change now he never will. It will only get worse.
Very interesting and very wrong, signing a marriage certificate is not the ONLY form of a "promise" that can be made.
OP- relationships should be give and take, I would be upset also. Make sure you are very clear with him about how you feel and don't let him walk all over you! GL
Quoting CoeyG:Sorry but no you don't have the right to not like him going to a strip club. You're not his wife. He has made no promises, no vows to you, no contract other than the fact that you say he is your fiance. You have made it easy for him to take advantage of you and now you want to complain about it. The best way to avoid this from happening is to get married before you decide to move in together, before the baby comes.
I can honestly say that I would not care if my DH went to a strip club without me on his only nights off. He sounds like he is working his ass off for you guys so he deserves a night or two out alone. You are going to be with him for the rest of your life, get over it.
I'd be pissed. I'd tell my DH no. I do let him go out with friends and I am usually invited but can never go because we don't have a sitter. However if it was a strip club, and it wasn't a bachelor party for a CLOSE friend then I would have to stick to my guns and say NO WAY. He went a few times when we were first married and he was away at tech school. I think he went twice with other military guys before he realized that it really wasn't his thing. He hates bars and smokey places and strip clubs are usually both.
I didn't put my foot down then being a young newly wed( i was 20) and new to military life...I was naive...but I wouldn't put up with it for one second now. A couple of years ago I went to a strip club with DH because his brother and sister in law wanted to go and EWW. Silly me I just thought they took their clothes off and danced sexy..I didn't know they bent over and touched themselves for the customers. UGh I'm nauseous just THINKING about it lol
Susannah ~ Happily Married Air Force Wife of Adam, Stay At Home Mommy to Corbin Alexander, Calvin Asher, Christopher Achilles & someday a beautiful baby girl Juliette Kirsten Love through adoption.
You need to brush up on your reading comprehension. I didn't say it was okiay for him to do...I said he was taking advantage of her and because there is no piece of paper she is enabling him. If you want a commitment you have to have a contract. He doesn't feel the need to spend time with her or the baby because he obviously isn't that committed to them. I am not saying it is right or wrong...I'm just saying that it is the way it is
Obviously your fiance was a bit more mature than this guy...which would be another reason not to make babies with him to begin with.
Quoting youngmom33:
Quoting CoeyG:
Sorry but no you don't have the right to not like him going to a strip club. You're not his wife. He has made no promises, no vows to you, no contract other than the fact that you say he is your fiance. You have made it easy for him to take advantage of you and now you want to complain about it. The best way to avoid this from happening is to get married before you decide to move in together, before the baby comes.
So since they are not married on paper that makes it okay for him to walk all over her and neglect his child? Its okay for him to stay out all hours of the night on his day off? Before I was married and lived w/ my fiance he did not act this way. I would advice her not to marry him until he changes his ways b/c if he don't change now he never will. It will only get worse.
Quoting CoeyG:
Sorry but no you don't have the right to not like him going to a strip club. You're not his wife. He has made no promises, no vows to you, no contract other than the fact that you say he is your fiance. You have made it easy for him to take advantage of you and now you want to complain about it. The best way to avoid this from happening is to get married before you decide to move in together, before the baby comes.
I get what you are saying......
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on Mar. 18, 2010 at 3:49 PM