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I dont feel "done"...

Posted by on Jun. 3, 2010 at 7:54 PM
  • 11 Replies

My husband and I decided that we do not want anymore kids.  I had an IUD (mirena) put in in January.  I have been realizing for the past few days, though that I don't feel like I am done having kids.  I don't feel like my family is complete.  He is adamant about having NO MORE KIDS.  Have any of you ever been through this?  Its really getting to me.  I don't really know how to explain it, but I am just sad. 

by on Jun. 3, 2010 at 7:54 PM
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by on Jun. 3, 2010 at 8:03 PM

Yes. After my 2nd was born, both dh and I swore we were done. So, we had agreed on not having any more. I soon began to realize that I wasn't "done". I couldn't explain it either. It just felt like we were supposed to have another one. I tried talking to dh about it, but like your husband, he was adament about no more kids. Some how though I explained to him how I was feeling and that I honestly felt like it was meant to be and even if we tried to prevent it God would find a way for us to get pregnant again. So, he agreed to another one but wanted to wait till Michael turned 2 before we would try. God had other plans cause I became pregnant right after he turned 14 months. Which ironically was when I had made the decision that I didn't want to go back thru the sleepless nights and teething etc etc again. lol Good thing it didn't work out that way cause now I have my daughter.
Have you told him how you honestly feel about it? I know my SIL is going thru the same thing and actually BIL just recently got "fixed".

by on Jun. 3, 2010 at 8:04 PM

I should also say that I'm not exactly sure on how I was able to convince my dh to even consider having another one.

by on Jun. 3, 2010 at 8:10 PM

 Mine wanted one more and i said NO!!! Now I'm sorry I never had another. Once you're done you have no choice to change it. Try to convince him how much he'd LOVE that new baby!

by on Jun. 3, 2010 at 8:21 PM

 Hubby and I both want another baby.. he thinks we should be trying NOW and I think we should wait a couple years because I am just enjoying being able to do all kinds of stuff with my 2 and 4 year olds.

 We'll see what happens.. :)

 If I were you I would just talk to him.. what are the reasons for wanting to be done? Financial? Medical? Emptional? Physical? All of the above?

 If he has some valid reasons then you shouldn't push the issue. It's not fair to him. Just think of how you would feel if the roles were reversed. But it doesn't hurt to talk about it. Good luck!

by on Jun. 3, 2010 at 8:24 PM

I don't know. I believe children are an absolute blessing and so does hubby. We will never really be "done". I can't have any more babies, but we're going to adopt.

by on Jun. 3, 2010 at 9:01 PM

I have five grown kids. I am done... It's grand baby time...  There were times when I would have liked another baby....  So I just got another puppy...

by on Jun. 3, 2010 at 9:13 PM

 Nope, my ex and I discussed family size long before we were married and we continued disucssing it into the marriage.  We agreed no more than two, possibly three but in the end had only one because I was in my 30s when our daughter was born and I wanted siblings to have at least 5 years seperation.  I wasn't up to two sets of diapers/bottles, and when I hit my late 30s I decided I'd had enough I wasn't going into my 40s with diapers and bottles. Had my tubes tied at 36 had hysterectomy at 40 and have been quite satisifed with my decisions.

by on Jun. 3, 2010 at 9:18 PM

I am going through this with my husband.  We have one son.  He "got" his little boy, and wants to be done.  I think my son deserves siblings.  I couldn't imagine my life without my sisters, and I don't want to deprive my son of havig that.  But hubby is an only child and thinks that's great, that we can give him the best of everything.  I think it will just make him spoiled.  It's a constant battle, and if I don't win soon, he'll win by default.  I'm 33, and in not-so-great health.  I'll be at the point where I won't be able to have a baby and take care of it before too long.  And I know, 33 is young, but not when you have neurological problems.

by on Jun. 3, 2010 at 10:29 PM

To all of the PP, I have not talked to him about any of it.  We had talked about it a hundred times and we both said done.  I got pregnant in December and miscarried.  I was fine until a couple of days ago when I was cleaning out my bathroom cabinet and found my pregnancy test from December.  I was fine until I tried to throw it away, then I lost it.  I have been depressed as hell ever since.  I think that this is what is bringing it on.  His reason (and I DID agree with him) was that we got pregnant with our DS when we had been together for 5 months.  We got pregnant with DD when DS was 4 months old.  We have never had time to ourselves, and lucky for us, we will still be young when they grow up and we will be able to travel and all of that great stuff.  I know it sounds totally selfish, but I really regret making the decision that we don't want more kids.  Financially, we could easily afford more, Medically, emotionaly, physically, all good.  I had wonderful pregnancies with both of them.  I don't know.  I am just being silly, I think...

by on Jun. 4, 2010 at 12:17 AM

 Aw! Well, who knows? Maybe you're not done?

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