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Looking for advice on a child abuse situation.

Posted by on Jun. 26, 2010 at 11:57 PM
  • 86 Replies

Hello Ladies, 

Here's the situation and I'll try to make it brief. My stepson, Jake (14), is visiting from Ohio. His mother is verbally, emotionally and sometimes, physically abusive. I'll pinpoint some of it.

- A few months back, his mom screamed at him for getting a drop of soda in an outside trash can and then made him climb into the trash can to clean it out.

- He drops water on the floor, she screams. He pretty much does anything she doesn't approve of, she screams at him.

- She has him on prescription drugs b/c when they got divorced he was so upset and out of control since she wouldn't let him see his dad, that she had him placed on drugs. That was in 2000 and he's still on those drugs. He says he doesn't like taking them and that they do funny things to his brain. He DID not need the drugs prior to the divorce.

- A couple of weeks ago, she slapped him hard and told him he deserved it.

Since he's been here, he's spilled milk and looked at me nervously. I just gave him a towel to clean it up. He said that if he would have done that at home, she would have screamed at him and then punished him.

Today he broke one of my corningware bowls and he got so nervous that he went downstairs to calm down. We did not scream at him and told him it was ok, to be more careful and clean it up. He said he would have been screamed at and in major trouble back home.

I hug and kiss my kids all the time. So then I went up to him and gave him a hug and a kiss. He became shy and said he wasn't used to that but he allowed me and welcomed the affection.

Tonight while he and his dad were watching tv. The witch calls him on the cell. He didn't answer so she continued to call. He picked it up the 3rd time and screamed so loud my husband could hear it from across the room. She told him that he better pick up the phone the first time she calls and yelled at him during the whole conversation.

We have called Child Services in Ohio on various occasions but they have done nothing. He doesn't want to go back to Ohio but we can not afford an attorney right now due to our economic situation because of the economy.

I have emailed someone I know who works for child services and was in charge of my cousin's case. The man knows us b/c we took custody of my cousin when they were taken away from the parents and know that we are a stable family unit and good role models. We're hoping he can suggest something feasible to where we don't have to send him back to Ohio. By the way, he brought a small duffle bag and that's all the clothes he owns along with one pair of shoes. For many years, we paid $1500 in Child Support for the 3 boys yet this is all the clothes he owns. Unbelievable!!

Any suggestions or advice would be appreciated.

http://www.cafemom.com/group/109589 Fathers Rights Cause


http://www.cafemom.com/group/42836 The Spiritual Cafe


I am a Central Florida Realtor http://gobryan.watsonrealtycorp.com/  

by on Jun. 26, 2010 at 11:57 PM
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Replies (1-10):
Wendy_June
by on Jun. 27, 2010 at 12:01 AM

I don't know much about those kind of situations. BUMP!

AEN22
by on Jun. 27, 2010 at 12:08 AM

BUMP!

Yturbide
by on Jun. 27, 2010 at 12:36 AM

:O

How come CPS won't do anything? 

Nykkii
by on Jun. 27, 2010 at 12:39 AM

Restraining order.  Then file for custody.  The 14 year old is old enough to testify for himself in court, for both the restraining order and the custody battle.  The judge should listen to him.  You may not need a lawyer.  Either way, you have got to try. 

If you make little enough, you may qualify for a free attorney through the state.  I would call the court house to ask them where you called to get in touch with them.  Generally, those programs are to help someone who has been filed against.  BUT... since this is a child case, I'd think they'd take it.  It doesn't hurt to try.  Or.. They can usually point you toward a program for children.  Sometimes, because he's a minor, the dept of human services will step in and help you fight. 

That's another thing.  You can call your local Child Protective Services to see what you can do.  They may be able to help. 

If she always does that when she calls, record her.  Buy a tape recorder from Walmart and record the phone call.  Most states have a rule that only one party on the phone needs to consent to the recording.  You'd have to look it up for your state specifically though.  That may help with the restraining order. 

Good luck.  I hope that poor boy never has to go back. 

Nykkii
by on Jun. 27, 2010 at 12:40 AM

Ohhh... If you get the restraining order, it will make you look better at the custody hearing to offer visitation to her... Supervised visitation.  You won't be keeping her from her son.  You'll just be ensuring he's safe.  That looks better in the court. 

TheJerseyGirl
by on Jun. 27, 2010 at 8:14 AM

 I wish I could be more help, but I have no experiennce with these things. I know that I wouldn't want my child in that situation and would certainly call around, search online,...do whatever I had to. I hope it works out in his favor...keep us updated!

mellowmommy64
by on Jun. 27, 2010 at 8:20 AM

Good advice from Nykkii I would get moving on that ASAP.     I would also  check his health both mental and physical.    A doctors word in court is worth the expense.     The fact he is on medication he doesn't need could be doing his growing body more harm than good.

I was able to use the testimony of the Psychologist from both the school my son was in, when I had trouble with their father  and the private Psychologist I hired myself.   My health insurance covered the visit , I just paid the copay.      I believe you have till the end of summer to get this in place.    So you need to work fast before the beginning of the school year.  

I hope you can help him.   Good Luck!!   Sounds like he really needs you.

It's not easy being a mother. If it were easy, fathers would do it. ~From the tv show The Golden Girls                             God could not be everywhere, so he created mothers.  ~Jewish Proverb                                                                           When you are a mother, you are never really alone in your thoughts.  A mother always has to think twice, once for herself and once for her child.  ~Sophia Loren, Women and Beauty

GOBryan
by on Jun. 27, 2010 at 9:59 AM

 It's Ohio and they feel it's a civil case between parents rather than a true child abuse case. We've called no less than 8 times and begged them to go out and just speak with the 17 y/o before she had him arrested. They didn't and everything went down how we suspected. They then told us that they automatically speak with kids in Juve' when we called after the 17 y/o was arrested and no one spoke with him.

In fact, b/c the 17 y/o had told police that he wanted to live with his dad.. mom told juve' that there was a No Contact order on the dad, which was a lie. So Juve wouldn't let us speak with him until after the trial, where she'd have to prove the No Contact. If no proof then they'd allow us to talk with him but he ended up going home with mom anyhow. She planned it b/c she didn't want us talking to him and giving him advice to get a court appointed attorney, which he didn't do and didn't know he should so he got screwed worse. 

Anyhow, the 17 y/o sort of put himself in that position. Long story, but Jake is 14 with learning disabilities. I'm sure some is caused by the drugs. He's been here since Thursday and hasn't taken any drugs..No problem. She gave him 2 of the pills before he flew to (get this) cut his appetite b/c all he ate were a few donuts in the morning and he didn't fly out til 4:15pm.. She gave him nothing else to eat during all that time and the boy is a rail!! Can that be considered abuse? Not sure but no way would I let my child go without eating that long, knowing he wouldn't eat until around 7pm. His plane landed around 6:30pm, by the time we got home it was 7:30pm. We made him 2 big turkey burgers, fries, etc. He said that if he were home, he'd only get two very thin processed patties in his burger and a handful of fries at best. His younger brother has no limits with what he eats though. That's another story too in its self.

Quoting Yturbide:

:O

How come CPS won't do anything? 

 

http://www.cafemom.com/group/109589 Fathers Rights Cause


http://www.cafemom.com/group/42836 The Spiritual Cafe


I am a Central Florida Realtor http://gobryan.watsonrealtycorp.com/  

GOBryan
by on Jun. 27, 2010 at 10:20 AM

Also, let me add that at one time, I had custody of my young cousins at one time due to child abuse, so we're in the records as a good custodial home. I sent their then-counselor an email for advice so hopefully he'll be able to provide us with good information on what to do. I also have a collegue who's husband is a retired attorney so I sent her an email for advice.

Our problem is that she's a paralegal in Ohio and knows how to walk that fine line, which is why it's critical for Florida to take over jurisdiction if this is to work.

http://www.cafemom.com/group/109589 Fathers Rights Cause


http://www.cafemom.com/group/42836 The Spiritual Cafe


I am a Central Florida Realtor http://gobryan.watsonrealtycorp.com/  

Connie04
by Silver Member on Jun. 27, 2010 at 11:44 AM

I think Nykkii has some great advice.  Bottom line, try to get that kid out of that situation ASAP!!!  He is suffering under that woman's abuse and has become a very scared, nervous little boy.  He would do so well in your household.  Please do everything you can and Good Luck!  That little boy needs all the help he can get!

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